^  0*-i)    7    iSCo  "f 


V 


sf^/O^-'-^M  ?.^ 


BV  4930  .P66  1871 
Pond,  Enoch,  1791-1882 

Conversion,  its  nature  and 

importance 


CONVERSION 


ITS  NATUKE  AND  IMPOETANCE. 


ILLUSTRATED  BY  EXAMPLES  FROM  REAL  LIFE. 


^/ 
By  ENOCH  POND,  D.D., 

PROFESSOR   IN   THE  THEOLOGICAL  SEMINARY,   BANGOR. 


APPROVED  BY  THE  COMMITTEE  OF  PL'BLICATION. 


BOSTON : 
CONGREGATIONAL  PUBLISHING  SOCIETY, 

No.   13  CORNHILL. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1871,  by 

The  Congregational  Publishing  Society, 
In  the  OflSce  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


Stereottnied  htj  C.  J.  Peters  &  Son, 
iVo.5  Washington  Street. 


<>^  — ' —  V 

>-   !);--:•;';    7    1836   -^ 


ooi^rrENTs. 


SECTION  I.  PAGE. 


The  Nature  of  Contersion.     Several  Forms  op  Con- 
version DESCRIBED 6 


SECTION  n. 
Conversion  of  the  Apostle  Paiil 23 

SECTION  in. 
Conversion  of  Augustine,  Bishop  of  Hippo       ...     36 

SECTION  IV. 
Conversion  of  Luther •     .     48 

SECTION  V. 
Conversion  of  John  Buntan 59 

SECTION  VI. 
Conversion  of  Lady  Hunt£ngton  and  WiiiHAM  Cowper     69 

SECTION  vn. 

Conversion  of  Col.  Jas.  Gardiner,  and  Andrew  Fuixer    80 

8 


4  CONTENTS. 

SECTION  Vm.  PAGE. 

Conversion  of  Pres.  Edwards  and  David  Brainerd    .     88 

SECTION  IX.. 

Conversion  of  Dr.  Hopkins  of  Newport  and  Dr.  Em- 
mons        98 

SECTION  X. 

Conversion  of  Samuel  J.  Mills,  Dr.  Cornelius,   and 
Rev.  Sylvester  Larned 105 

SECTION  XI. 

Miscellaneous  Instances,  illustrating  the  Different 
Forms  of  Conversion 117 

SECTION  xn. 

Remarks  on  the  Preceding  Narratives    .       .       .       .133 

SECTION  xm. 

HiNDERANCES  TO  CONVERSION     .  .         .  .         .         .  .143 

SECTION  XIV. 
Importance  of  Conversion 159 

Conclusion 176 


CONVEBSION. 


SECTION    I. 

The  Nature  of  Conversion.  —  Several  Forms  of   Con- 
version DESCRIBED. 

IT  is  important  to  explain  the  nature  of 
conversion,  because  this  subject  is  very 
generally  misunderstood,  especially  by  the 
unconverted.  Such  persons  have  no  experi- 
mental knowledge  of  conversion,  and,  in 
general,  no  proper  conceptions  of  it.  They 
imagine  it  to  be  something  which  it  is  not, 
and  are  often  looking  and  striving  after  a 
change,  which,  if  accomplished,  might  not  be 
to  them  of  any  benefit. 

Conversion  is  not  a  change  in  the  nature^ 
the  substance^  or  any  of  the  faculties^  of  the 
soul.     We  need  no  such  change  as  this  :  we 

6 


b  CONVERSION. 

have  no  reason  to  expect  any  such  change  ; 
and  such  a  change,  if  accompHshed,  would 
not  be  conversion,  and  might  not  do  us  any- 
good. 

Nor  is  conversion  a  change  of  any  kind,  in 
which  the  subject  of  it  is  entirely  passive, 
and  for  which  he  can  do  nothing  but  wait. 
Most  unconverted  persons  seem  to  regard  the 
change  in  question  in  this  light :  they  regard 
it  as  something  in  reference  to  which  they 
have  no  responsibility,  have  nothing  to  do, 
and  for  which  they  can  do  nothing,  but  sub- 
missively wait  until  the  blessing  is  bestowed. 
Now,  there  can  hardly  be  a  greater  mistake 
than  tliis,  or  one  of  more  disastrous  influ- 
ence. The  effect  of  such  an  impression  can 
only  be,  to  excuse  and  quiet  the  soul  in  sin, 
and  put  off  that  great  and  needed  change, 
Avithout  which  we  perish. 

Conversion  is  represented  in  the  Scriptures 
as  a  change,  in  which  the  subject  of  it  is 
active,  and  jiot  passive,  —  a  change,  which, 
through  the  aid  and  influence  of  God's 
Spirit,    he    is    actively    to   accomplish,    and 


CONVERSION.  7 

not  one  for  which  he  is  quietly  to  wait. 
"  Turn  ye,  turn  ye  !  for  why  will  ye  die  ?  " 
"  Repent,  and  turn  yourselves  from  all  your 
transgressions,  so  iniquity  shall  not  be  your 
ruin!" 

This  turning,  or  conversion,  is  always  pre- 
ceded by  more  or  less  of  appropriate  reflec- 
tion. Persons  begin  to  think  upon  their 
ways ;  and  then,  —  that  is,  if  the  work  goes 
on,  —  they  turn  their  feet  unto  God's  testi- 
monies ;  they  begin  to  consider  their  ways, 
and  turn  again  unto  the  Lord.  So  it  was 
with  the  prodigal  son  :  he  first  came  to  solemn 
thought, —  '^  How  many  hired  servants  of  my 
father's  have  bread  enough,  and  I  perish  with 
hunger  !  I  will  arise,  and  go  to  my  father." 
Before  Ephraim  repented,  and  smote  upon  his 
thigh,  he  was  heard  bemoaning  himself  thus  : 
"  Thou  hast  chastised  me,  and  I  was  chas- 
tened, as  a  bullock  unaccustomed  to  the 
yoke."  —  Jer.  xxxi.  18. 

But  mere  thinking  is  not  conversion ;  nor 
does  it  always  issue  in  conversion.  There 
must  be  the  turning   of  the  heart ;  and  this 


8  CONVERSION. 

brings  us  to  the  very  nature  of  conversion,  — 
the  first  active  turning  of  the  souVs  affections 
unto  God. 

Holy  affections  assume  different  forms,  and 
have  different  names  applied  to  them,  accord- 
ing as  they  are  put  forth  in  view  of  different 
objects ;  but,  of  whatever  name  or  form,  they 
all  possess  the  same  general  nature  or  charac- 
ter.  Thus,  the  same  kind  of  affection,  which, 
in  view  of  the  divine  character,  is  holy,  com- 
placent love.,  will,  in  view  of  personal  trans- 
gression, be  repentance  ;  in  view  of  Christ,  as 
a  Saviour,  will  be  faith,  or  trust ;  in  view  of 
the  divine  favors,  it  will  be  gratitude  ;  and,  in 
view  of  the  divine  government,  it  will  be 
submission.  The  object  of  the  holy  affection 
may  change,  and  with  it  the  name  and  form 
of  the  affection  ;  but  tlie  nature  of  it  remains 
the  same. 

Conversion,  as  I  said;  is  the  first  active 
turning  of  the  soul's  affections  unto  God. 
It  is  the  commencement  of  holy  affections  in 
the  sinner's  Heart.  Up  to  this  time,  his  heart 
has  been  entirely  sinful.     It  has  been  wholly 


CONVERSION.  9 

under  the  influence  of  self  and  the  world : 
so  that  holy  affections  have  been  entirely 
excluded ;  they  have  had  no  place  there. 
But  in  the  moment  of  conversion,  under 
the  influence  of  appropriate  thought  and  of 
the  Holy  Spirit,  the  first  holy  exercise  or 
affection  is  put  forth ;  and  it  matters  not,  so 
far  as  the  result  is  concerned,  whether  this 
first  holy  affection  be  one  of  love,  penitence, 
submission,  or  faith.  If  it  be  either  of  them, 
or  if  it  be  any  other  form  of  holy  affection, 
the  commencement  of  its  exercise,  the  first 
putting  it  forth,  constitutes  conversion. 

But  though  it  matters  not,  so  far  as  the 
great  issue  is  concerned,  what  form  of  holy 
affection  is  first  put  forth,  yet  there  will  be  a 
difference  in  the  thoughts  and  feelings  of  the 
person  converted,  according  as  the  first  holy 
affection  shall  be  this  or  that.  He  whose 
first  holy  affection  is  love  to  God  will  not 
have  the  same  experience  as  one  whose  first 
holy  affection  is  repentance  or  faith  ;  though 
the  conversion,  in  either  case,  may  be  equally 
satisfactory. 


10  CONVERSION. 

To  illustrate  this,  let  us  now  suppose  sever- 
al cases  of  conversion,  all  equally  genuine, 
but  differing,  circumstantially,  according  as 
the  first  holy  affection  —  which  constitutes 
the  conversion  —  shall  be  one  of  love,  peni- 
tence, submission,  or  faith. 

First,  we  will  suppose  a  case  of  conversion 
where  the  first  holy  exercise  is  one  of  love^  — 
complacent  love,  delight  in  the  holy  character 
of  God,  and  gratitude  for  his  mercies.  In  il- 
lustration of  this,  we  will  suppose  an  individ- 
ual, who,  during  the  greater  part  of  his  hfe, 
has  been  comparatively  thoughtless  of  God. 
He  has  thought  of  almost  every  thing  else, 
but  has  forgotten  God ;  and  when,  at  any 
time,  he  has  remembered  God,  he  has  been 
troubled,  the  thought  has  been  painful  to 
him.  So  far  from  clinging  to  God  with  affec- 
tion and  interest,  he  shrinks  away  from  him 
with  fear  iand  dislike.  He  would  gladly  hide 
himself  from  God,  as  our  guilty  first  parents 
did  among^  the  trees  of  the  garden.  He  ban- 
ishes the  unwelcome  thought  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible.    The  individual  here  supposed  may  not 


CONVERSION.  11 

be  an  immoral  man,  he  may  not  be  a  bad  mem- 
ber of  society;  but  the  habitual  state  of  his 
feelings  towards  God  is  such  as  has  been  de- 
scribed. 

But,  at  length,  something  occurs  in  the  prov- 
idence of  God,  —  some  striking  event,  it  may 
be,  or  the  reading  of  some  book,  or  the 
hearing  of  an  awakening  sermon,  or  the 
presentation  of  some  truth  or  fact,  —  which 
excites  within  him  a  new  train  of  reflections. 
He  thinks  of  God  as  he  never  thought  before. 
His  views  of  his  character  are  such  as  he 
never  before  experienced.  He  begins  to  feel 
a  delight  in  this  character.  It  is  a  wonderful 
character,  a  glorious  character.  It  comes 
up  with  new  interest  before  his  mind.  He 
wants  to  contemplate  it  all  the  time.     He  is 

astonished  that  he  has  never  seen  it  in  the 

« 

same  light  before.  He  thinks  now  of  the 
goodness  of  God  to  him,  and  is  melted  under 
a  sense  of  it.  He  wants  words  to  express  his 
gratitude  to  that  Being  who  has  so  long  borne 
with  him,  and  who  has  been  so  gracious  and 
merciful  towards  him. 


12  CONVERSION. 

The  individual  here  spoken  of  may  not 
know,  at  the  time,  what  to  think  of  these  new 
impressions  and  feelings.  He  may  have  no 
thought  that  they  are  conversion,  or  that 
they  indicate  conversion.  He  may  have  no 
thought  of  himself  as  a  converted  person  ; 
but  he  is  one.  If  he  is  not  deceived  as  to 
the  nature  of  his  feelings,  he  certainly  is  a  con- 
verted person.  The  new  exercises  above  de- 
scribed are  not  those  of  nature,  but  of  grace  ; 
the  springing  up  of  which,  for  the  first  time, 
in  the  sinner's  heart  is  the  moment  of  his 
turning,  —  his  conversion,  —  the  interesting 
moment  which  he  will  remember  forever  as 
the  commencement  of  his  walk  with  God. 

The  first  haly  exercise  in  the  heart  of  the 
sinner  is  sometimes  one  oi  penitence  diJidi  godly 
sorrow ;  in  which  case,  this  constitutes  his 
conversion.  The  subject  of  conversion,  in 
this  form  of  it,  has  passed  the  Whole  of  his 
previous  life  in  sin ;  not,  it  may  be,  in  the 
practice  of  open  immoralities,  but  in  selfish- 
ness, in  pride,  in  a  love  of  the  world,  in 
thoughtlessness  and  vanity,  in  forgetfulness  of 


CONVERSION.  15 

God,  —  in  some  way,  in  the  love  and  prac- 
tice of  sin.     And  yet  his  sins  have  given  him 
very  little  trouble.     He  has  had  little  thought 
or  anxiety  in  regard  to  them.     They  have  not 
been,  perhaps,  of  the  more  disgraceful  char- 
acter ;  at  least,  they  have  not  been  known  to 
be  such.     He  has  sinned  in  good  company, 
and  in  altogether  a  respectable  way ;  and  he 
•  has  contrived  so  to  palliate  and  conceal  his 
sins,  that  he  has  had  little  sorrow  or  distress 
on  account  of  them.     But,  for  some  reason, 
his  thoughts,  of  late,  have  been  turned  into 
a  different  channel.     He  has  been  led  to  re- 
view his  past  life,  and  see  how  his  account 
stands  with  God.     He  has  been  led  to  do  it 
with  considerable  scrutiny ;  and  he  is  pained 
and  frightened  at  the  result.     He  had  no  idea 
that  his  sins  were  so  numerous,  or  of  so  ag- 
gravated a  character.     He  had  no  idea   that 
they   were   characterized   by  such  baseness. 
They  seem  to  him  to  be  most  unreasonable 
and  odious ;  and  he  seems  to  himself  to  be  a 
vile  and  odious  creature  no  account  of  them. 
When  he  thinks  of  the  manner  in  which  he 


14  CONVERSION. 

has  treated  God,  —  his  ingratitude  towards 
him,  his  forgetfulness  of  him,  his  dishke  of  his 
character,  and  transgression  of  his  laws,  h6 
feels  sorry  and  aggrieved ;  he  feels  humbled 
and  ashamed ;  he  cannot  bear  a  view  of  him- 
self ;  he  begins  to  loathe  and  abhor  himself, 
and  repent  in  dust  and  ashes. 

Now,  this  man,  instead  of  growing  better 
in  his  own  opinion  during  the  change  of  feel- 
ing through  which  he  has  passed,  has  seemed 
to  himself  to  be  constantly  growing  worse. 
He  had  never  such  a  sense  of  his  own  vileness 
as  he  now  has.  He  has  no  thought  of  conver- 
sion, at  least  as  having  been  accomplished  in 
him ;  and  yet,  if  his  feelings  are  such  as 
have  been  described,  he  is  already  a  convert- 
ed person.  He  is  a  true  penitent.  He  feels 
as  David  did  when  he  said,  "  Behold,  I  am 
vile  I  "  He  feels  as  the  publican  did  when  he 
smote  upon  his  breast,  and  cried,  "God  be 
merciful  to  me,  a  sinner  !  "  The  first  holy  af- 
fection of  which  he  was  conscious  was  one  of 
penitence ;  and  the  begiiining  of  these  repent- 
ings  in  his  heart  was  his  conversion. 


CONVERSION.  15 

Conversion  is  often  the  commencement  of 
true  submission  to  God.  The  subject  of  con- 
version, in  this  form  of  it,  has  always  lived 
under  the  government  of  God,  and  has  always 
been  —  though  perhaps  not  always  sensible 
of  it  —  unreconciled  to  that  government.  He 
has  never  been  truly  willing  that  God  should 
reign  over  him,  and  do  with  him  according 
to  his  pleasure.  To  be  sure,  when  God's 
plans  have  been  in  accordance  with  his  own 
plans,  —  when  God  has  pleased  him  and  pros- 
pered him,  and  caused  his  cup  to  overflow 
with  blessings,  —  he  has  been  very  happy,  and 
has  felt  as  though  he  could  be  quite  reconciled 
to  be  in  the  hands  of  God ;  but  when  God 
has  seen  fit  to  pursue  a  different  course  with 
him,  crossing  his  track,  blasting  his  hopes, 
disappointing  his  expectations,  and  defeating 
his  cherished  designs,  taking  from  him  this 
comfort,  that,  and  the  other,  and  laying  them 
low,  —  when  God  has  seen  fit  to  try  him  in 
this  way,  the  secrets  of  his  character  have 
come  out :  he  could  not  repress  his  murmurs. 
He  said  almost  unconsciously,  "  This  is  a  hard 


16  CONVERSION. 

Master.  These  are  wounds  without  cause." 
His  opposition,  under  such  circumstances,  has 
risen,  it  may  be,  to  such  a  height,  that  he  has 
become  frightened  at  himself.  He  had  no 
idea  that  he  had  such  a  rebellious  and  wicked 
heart.  He  is  sure,  that,  with  such  a  heart,  he 
is  in  no  situation  to  enjoy  God,  either  in  this 
world  or  the  next ;  and  he  is  led  to  commune 
with  himself,  to  contemplate  his  relations 
to  God,  and  the  claims  of  God  upon  him,  as 
he'  never  did  before.  He  considers,  first  of 
all  perhaps,  that,  in  visiting  him  with  afflic- 
tion, God  has  done  no  more  than  he  had  a 
right  to  do.  He  remembers,  too,  that  he  de- 
serves all  these  afflictions,  and  a  great  deal 
more  ;  so  that  the  divine  dispensations 
towards  him,  instead  of  being  unjust,  have  all 
of  them  been  mingled  with  mercy.  He  fur- 
ther reflects,  that  these  dispensations,  of  which 
he  had  been  disposed  to  complain,  were  cer- 
tainly ordered  in  wisdom  and  goodness^  and, 
if  suitably  improved,  would  work  together  for 
his  good.  He  begins  seriously  to  inguire 
whether  it  is  not  a  privilege  to  live  under  the 


CONVERSION.  17 

government  of  God ;  to  be  in  the  hands  of 
One  who  can  make  no  mistakes,  who  can 
indulge  no  ill-will  towards  any  creature, 
who  can  do  no  wrong  thing,  and  whose  wise 
and  good  designs  no  enemy  can  ever  thwart 
or  defeat.  He  dwells  upon  the  subject  in 
these  various  lights,  till  at  length  his  heart 
begins  to  yield.  He  begins  to  submit  to  the 
divine  government.  He  more  than  submits ; 
he  rejoices  in  it.  He  rejoices  that  the  Lord 
God  Omnipotent  reigneth.  He  feels  a  pleas- 
ure that  is  new  to  him  in  resigning  himself 
and  all  his  concerns  into  the  handsof  a  holy  and 
sovereign  God,  to  be  disposed  of  as  he  shall 
see  wisest  and  best.  Now,  this  man  has  expe- 
rienced a  great  and  glorious  change  of  feeling 
in  regard  to  the  divine  government;  and 
this  change  is  conversion.  It  is  the  same 
which  we  must  all  experience,  in  one  form  or 
another,  before  we  can  see  the  kingdom  of 
God. 

I  present  but  another  case,  and  that  is, 
where  conversion  is  the  commencement  of 
faith  in  Ohrist.     In  illustration  of  this,  we 

2 


18  CONVERSION. 

will  suppose  an  individual  who  is  already 
deeply  convinced  of  sin.  He  sees  himself  to 
be  a  guilty  and  lost  sinner,  who  has  no  means 
of  hope  or  help  in  himself,  and  can  discover 
no  method  of  deliverance  from  any  other 
quarter.  He  knows  that  a  just  sentence  of 
condemnation  has  been  passed  upon  him,  and, 
for  aught  that  appears,  he  must  sink  forever 
under  it.  He  has  been  in  this  state  of  convic- 
tion, distress,  and  almost  of  despair,  it  may 
be,  for  a  long  time,  looking  for  light,  but  be- 
hold darkness  ;  seeking  rest,  but  finding  none. 
At  length,  some  promise  is  opened,  and  applied 
to  him  ;  or  some  new  light  is  let  into  the  soul, 
by  the  help  of  which  he  gets  a  view  of  the  Sa- 
viour. He  sees  him  to  be  almighty  and  alto- 
gether lovely, —  just  such  a  Saviour  as  his 
perishing  case  requires.  He  sees  him  extend 
his  gracious  arms,  and  hears  him  cry  in  ac- 
cents of  love,  "  Come  unto  me,  all  ye  that  labor 
and  are  heavy-laden  ;  and  I  will  give  you  rest." 
And  now  he  yields  to  the  winning  invitation. 
He  falls  at  once  into  Jesiis'  arms.  With  joy 
and   gratitude,   he    embraces    the    provided 


conversion:  19 

Saviour,  and   commits   his   sinking    soul    to 
him. 

I  have  been  the  more  particular  in  describ- 
ing and  illustrating  conversion  under  its  sev- 
eral forms,  in  hope  that  the  nature  of  it  may- 
be understood.  It  will  be  seen  that  it  is  no 
physical  change,  no  passive  transformation, 
but  a  change  in  the  character  of  our  internal 
exercises  or  affections,  —  from  those  which 
are  in  some  form  sinful  to  those  which  are  in 
some  form  holj.  And  it  matters  little,  as  I 
said,  what  particular  form  the  change  assumes, 
or  how  it  is  first  developed,  provided  it  be  the 
change  which  has  been  described.  The  first 
holy  exercise  of  which  the  individual  is  con- 
scious may  be  one  of  love,  or  penitence,  or 
submission,  or  faith:  this  is  a  circumstance 
of  little  importance,  provided  the  new  exer- 
cise be  a*  holy  one,  and  be  followed  out  (as  it 
will  be)  by  newness  of  life  and  new  obedience. 
'  This  new  exercise,  which  is  put  forth  in 
conversion,  and  in  the  putting-forth  of  which 
conversion  consists,  from  the  nature  of  the 
case,  is  actively  put  forth.     It  can  be  put  forth 


20  CONVERSION. 

in  no  other  way.  It  is  awakened  under  the 
influence  of  truth,  and  by  the  special  opera- 
tions of  the  Holy  Spirit,  but  in  perfect  accord- 
ance with  the  free  actings  of  our  own  minds. 
Thus,  while  the  glory  of  the  change  in  ques- 
tion is  to  be  devoutly  ascribed  to  the  Spirit 
of  God,  the  change  itself  is  accomplished  in 
us^  and  in  the  free  and  regular  exercise  of  our 
own  faculties  and  powers.  It  is  we  that  love  ; 
we  that  repent ;  we  that  believe,  submit,  and 
obey  ;  we  that  turn  from  our  evil  ways,  and 
commence  walking  in  those  ways  of  wisdom 
which  are  pleasantness,  and  those  paths  which 
are  peace. 

Though  it  is  of  little  importance,  so  far  as 
the  fact  of  conversion  is  concerned,  what  holy 
exercise  is  first  put  forth,  still  some  impor- 
tance is  to  be  attached  to  a  right  understand- 
ing of  this  matter.  Every  one  who  has  been 
much  acquainted  with  new  converts  knows 
that  their  feelings  vary  very  considerably  at 
the  time  of  conversion,  or  shortly  after  it.  To 
some,  the  change  is  sudden  and  palpable  ;  to 
others,  the  development  of  it  is  mqre  gradual. 


CONVERSION.  21 

With  some  there  are  feelings  of  transport, 
amounting  to  ecstasy ;  with  others  there  is 
less  excitement,  less  intensity  of  joy,  and  more 
that  is  calm,  subdued,  and  peaceful.  Now, 
one  cause  of  these  different  developments 
lies,  undoubtedly,  in  the  different  forms  of 
conversion,  as  they  have  been  described. 
Where  the  first  holy  affection  is  one  of  re- 
pentance, the  change  will  not  be  followed  by 
immediate  light  and  joy;  so  far  from  this, 
there  will  be  a  deep  sense  of  sin,  and  godly 
sorrow  on  account  of  it.  The  individual  will 
sorroiv  as  he  never  did  before.  It  may  be 
hours  and  days  before  he  begins  to  indulge 
any  hope,  or  to  think  of  himself  as  a  'convert- 
ed person.  Where  the  first  holy  affection  is 
one  of  love  or  submission,  the  change  will  be 
followed  with  peace,  but  not  with  transport. 
There  will  be  a  calm  reposing  upon  God,  and 
a  quiet  resignation  to  his  will,  but  not  an  ec- 
stasy of  rejoicing.  But  where  the  first  holy 
affection  is  one  of  faith  or  trust  in  Christ,  the 
change,  ordinarily,  is  sudden  and  palpable. 
It  is  as  a  change  from  the  darkness  of  mid- 


22  CONVERSION. 

night  to  the  light  of  noon ;  from  the  depths 
of  despair  to  the  rejoicings  of  hope  and  heaven. 
Still  the  change,  in  the  latter  case,  is  no  more 
real  than  in  either  of  the  former,  nor  does  it 
promise  to  be  more  abiding. 


SECTION  II. 

COKYEESION  OP  THE  APOSTIE  PATJIi. 

-T'TT'E  have  thus  far  illustrated  the  change 
^^  in  conversion  by  imaginary  cases. 
In  what  follows,  we  propose  to  illustrate  it  by 
cases  taken  from  real  life.  The  examples  will 
be  drawn  from  different  sources ;  but  they  may 
all  be  relied  on  as  having  actually  occurred. 
We  begin  with  the  conversion  of  the  Apostle 

Paul. 

Of  Paul's  antecedents  previous  to  his  con- 
version, we  need  not  speak  at  length.  He 
tells  us  that  he  was  "  a  Hebrew  of  the  He- 
brews," and  was  brought  up,  from  his  infancy, 
in  the  strictest  sect  of  the  Jews'  rehgion.  He 
was  "  a  Pharisee,  and  the  son  of  a  Pharisee." 
All  surroundmg  influences  combined  to  make 
him  "  exceedingly  zealous  of  the  law,"  and 
"  of  the  traditions  of  his  fathers." 

23 


24  CONVERSION. 

When  Saul  had  completed  his  education  at 
Tarsus,  he  was  sent  by  his  parents  to  Jerusa- 
lem, that  he  might  be  more  fully  instructed 
in  the  law.  He  attached  himself  to  the  school 
of  Gamaliel,  at  that  time  the  most  celebrated 
teacher  in  the  holy  city. 

It  is  hardly  likely  that  Saul  was  at  Jerusa- 
lem during  our  Lord's  public  ministry,  as  he 
never  speaks  of  having  seen  liim  in  the  flesh. 
He  may  have  been  there  at  the  crucifixion,  and 
also  at  the,  succeeding  Pentecost.  He  was 
certainly  there  soon  after  the  Pentecost,  when 
the  dispute  with  Stephen  commenced  in  the 
synagogues  of  the  foreign  Jews.  He  proba- 
bly took  part  in  these  disputes,  and  assisted  in 
bringing  Stephen  before  the  Sanhedrim  for 
trial.  And,  when  Stephen  was  executed,  Saul 
was  present,  not  as  a  spectator,  but  as  an 
accomplice  in  this  nefarious  transaction.  The 
witnesses  who  stoned  Stephen  laid  down  their 
clothes  at  the  feet  of  Saul. 

In  the  persecution  which  immediately  fol- 
lowed, Saul  was  intensely  active.  He  "  made 
havoc  of  the  Church,"  binding  and  delivering 


CONVERSION.  25 

into  prison  both  men  and  women.  He  "  pun- 
ished them  oft  in  every  synagogue,  and  com- 
pelled them  to  blaspheme  ;  and,  being  exceed- 
ingly mad  against  them,  he  persecuted  them 
even  unto  strange  cities." 

When  Saul  had  sufficiently  vented  his  rage 
at  Jerusalem,  he  went  to  the  high  priest,  and 
desired  letters  to  the  synagogue  at  Damas- 
cus,* intending,  if  he  found  any  Christians 
there^  to  bring  them  bound  into  Jerusalem. 
But,  when  he  and  his  company  drew  near  to 
the  city,  their  progress  was  suddenly  and  mi- 
raculously interrupted.  First  of  all,  there 
shone  around  them  a  great  light  from  heaven, 
above  the  brightness  of  the  mid-day  sun. 
Overcome  by  it,  the  whole  company  fell  pros- 
trate on  the  ground  together.  Next  followed  a 
sound  like  that  of  thunder,  which  was  heard 
by  all,  but  which  fell,  in  intelligible  accents, 

*  The  high  priest  at  this  time  claimed  the  same  authority  over 
the  Jews  in  foreign  cities,  on  all  questions  pertaming  to  religion, 
which  he  exercised  at  Jerusalem.  Pilate  also  seems  to  have 
granted  a  general  license  to  persecute  and  destroy  the  Christians. 
He  had  crucified  their  Master;  and  he  permitted  the  Jews  to  treat 
them  as  they  pleased. 


26  CONVERSION. 

only  on  the  ears  of  Saul.  *  He  heard  what 
they  did  not  hear,  and  saw  what  they  did  not 
see.  To  them  the  awful  sound  was  without 
meaning ;  but  he  heard  the  voice  of  the  Son 
of  God.  To  them  it  was  a  glare  of  light, 
which  suddenly  surrounded  them;  but  he 
saw  Jesus  whom  he  was  persecuting. 

The  fact  that  Saul  had  here  a  vision  of  the 
Son  of  God,  perhaps  like  that  which  ap- 
jjeared  to  -John  on  the  Isle  of  Patmos,t  is 
to  me  indubitable.  He  often  refers  to  it  in 
his  subsequent  history.  "  Am  I  not  an  apos- 
tle ?  Am  I  not  free  ?  Have  I  not  seen  Jesus 
Christ  the  Lord?''  "  He  was  seen  of  Cephas, 
then  of  the  twelve ;  .  .  .  and,  last  of  all,  he 
was  seen  of  me  also.,  as  of  one  born  out  of  due 
time."  Also,  when  Barnabas  brought  Paul 
to  the  apostles  at  Jerusalem,  he  related  to 

*  This  accounts  for  an  apparent  discrepancy  in  Paul's  state- 
ments of  the  case.  In  one  place,  he  says  that  his  companions 
"  heard  a  voice,  but  saw  no  man."  Li  another,  he  says,  that  they 
^^  heard  not  the  voice  of  Him  that  spake  with  me."  Compare 
Acts  ix.  7  with  Adts  xxii.  9.  They  heard  a  sound,  but  no  in- 
telligible words. 

t  Bev.  i.  13-18. 


CONVERSION. 


27 


them  "  how  he  had  seen  the  Lord  in  the  way.'' 
And  so  Ananias  said  to  Paul,  at  their  first 
meeting  in  Damascus :  "  The  Lord  hath  sent 
me,  even  Jesus,  ivho  appeared  unto  thee  in  the 
ivayT 

The   voice  which    Saul  heard,  as   he   lay 
overwhelmed  and  prostrate  on  the  earth,  was 
this :  "•  Said,  Saul,  why  persecutest  thou  me  ?  " 
''  And  I  said, '  Who  art  thou,  Lord  ?  '  and  the 
Lord  said,  '  I  am  Jesus  whom  thou  persecut- 
est!" '     And  now,  if  a  thunderbolt  had  struck 
the  prostrate  persecutor,  he  would  not  have 
been  more  utterly  confounded.     He  saw  at 
once  what  he  had  been  doing.     He  saw  that 
this  glorified  Jesus  was  really  what  he  claimed 
to  be,  the  Messiah  of  the  Scriptures,  whom 
he   was   madly  persecuting  in  his  followers. 
His   guilt  instantly   flashed  upon  him.     He 
saw  his  danger  and  his  ruin ;  and  he  seems 
to  have  submitted  at  once. 
*      And,  if  so,  this  settles  the  question  as  to 
the  time  of  Saul's  conversion.     It   was  not 
three  days  afterward,  when  the   scales   fell 
from  his  eyes ;  but  it  was  here,  on  the  spot 


28  CONVERSION. 

where  he  first  saw  the  light,  and  heard  tlie 
voice,  and  met  in  person  his  glorified  Redeem- 
er. It  did  not  take  him  long,  under  the  cir- 
cumstances, to  become  convicted  of  sin, — 
deeply,  thoroughlj^  convicted.  And  being  as- 
sured of  the  divine  authority,  the  Messiah- 
ship,  of  Jesus,  and  of  the  entire  validity  of  his 
claims,  he  seems,  as  I  said,  to  have  submit- 
ted himself  at  once.  And  so,  turning  to  his 
heavenly  visitant,  he  said  to  him,  in  accents 
of  faith  and  love,  "  Lord,  what  wilt  thou 
have  me  to  do  ?  " 

Tliis  was  a  very  different  question  from 
that  of  the  jailer  to  Paul  and  Silas :  "Sirs, 
what  must  I  do  to  be  saved?  "  The  latter 
was  an  inquiry  after  light  and  instruction  as 
to  the  way  of  salvation ;  but  the  question  of 
Paul  carried  on  the  face  of  it  that  he  was 
now  ready  to  do  any  thing :  it  was  as  much 
as  to  say,  "Lord,  I  am  henceforth  thy  will- 
ing servant.  Wilt  thou  own  and  accept  me 
in  this  capacity  ?  I  am  now  ready  to  go  any- 
where, or  do  any  thing  for  jthee.  .  Lord,  what 
wilt  thou  have  me  to  do  ?  " 


CONVERSION.  29 

Having  thus  made  his  submission  to  Christ, 
and  given  up  himself  to  him  to  be  his  servant, 
he -was  told  to  arise  from  the  earth,  and  go  in- 
to Damascus,  and  "  it  shall  be  told  thee  what 
thou  shalt  do."  So  he  arose  in  his  blindness  : 
and  they  that  were  with  him  "  led  him  into 
Damascus ;  and  he  was  three  days  without 
sight,  neither  did  eat  nor  drink." 

His  feeUngs,  his  reflections,  during  these 
three  days,  Paul  has  nowhere  described : 
perhaps  he  could  not  describe  them.  Neither 
Jew  nor  Christian  could  sympathize  with  him. 
He  prayed  and  fasted  in  darkness  and  alone. 
The  recollection  of  scenes  but  recently  past, 
the  thought  of  his  own  cruelty  and  violence, 
the  last  looks  of  Stephen,  and  of  others  who 
had  suffered  by  his  hands,  and,  raore  than  all, 
his  base  treatment  of  One  whom  he  now  ac- 
knowledged to  be  his  Lord  and  Master,  —  all 
these  considerations  crowded  into  his  mind, 
and  made  these  three  days  equal  to  as 
many  years  of  ordinary  penitence  and  holy 
sorrow. 

But,  while  he  thus  waited  upon  God,  anoth- 


30  CONVERSION. 

er  vision  was  granted  unto  him.  He  seemed 
to  see  a  holy  man  coming  in  to  him,  and  lay- 
ing his  hands  upon  him,  that  he  might  receive 
his  sight.  At  the  same  time,  this  holy  man 
—  Ananias  by  name  —  was  directed  in  a 
vision  to  go  out  "into  the  street  which  is 
called  Straight,  and  inquire  in  the  house  of 
Judas  for  one  called  Saul  of  Tarsus  ;  for,  be- 
hold, he  prayeth  !  "  Ananias  at  first  excused 
himself,  on  account  of  the  known  character 
of  Saul,  and  liis  bloody  intent  in  coming  to 
the  city ;  but"  the  Lord  said,  "  Go  out  and 
find  him ;  for  he  is  a  chosen  vessel  unto  me, 
to  bear  my  name  before  the  Gentiles  and 
kings  and  the  children  of  Israel."  So  Ana- 
nias went,  entered  into  the  house  of  Judas, 
and  found  Saul ;  and,  putting  his  hands  upon 
him,  he  said,  "  Brother  Saul,  the  Lord,  even 
Jesus,  who  appeared  unto  thee  in  the  way, 
hath  sent  me,  that  thou  mightest  receive  thy 
sight,  and  be  filled  with  the  Holy  Ghost. 
And  imme.diately  there  fell  from  his  eyes  as  it 
had  been  scales,"  —  fibrous  incrustations,  oc- 
casioned by  the  intense  light  which  he  had 


.      CONVERSION.  31 

seen  in  the  way.  ''  And  he  received  sight 
forthwith,  and  arose,  and  was  baptized." 

Paul  thus  became  a  member  of  the  Christ- 
ian Church,  and  entered  at  once  upon  the 
great  work  of  his  life,  —  that  of  preaching 
Christ  to  his  dying  fellow-men.  He  went 
first  into  the  synagogues  of  Damascus,  and 
"  confounded  the  Jews  that  dwelt  there,  prov- 
ing that  Jesus  is  the  very  Christ."  And, 
when  they  would  not  receive  his  testimony, 
but  sought  to  kill  him,  he  retired  into  North- 
ern Arabia,  where  he  spent  two  or  three 
years.  —  Gal.  i.  17. 

How  Paul  passed  his  time  during  this  sea- 
son of  retirement,  we  do  not  know.  Doubt- 
less much  of  it  was  spent  in  meditation  and 
devotion,  in  communion  with  Christ,  and  re- 
ceivin^r  revelations  from  him.  It  was  during: 
this  period  that  he  "  was  caught  up  into  the 
third  heavens,"  — into  "  the  paradise  of  God," 
and  heard  those  unspeakable  words,  "  which 
it  is  not  lawful  for  a  man  to  utter."  It  was 
during  this  period  that  he  w^as  supernatural- 
ly  instructed  in  regard  to  the  truths  and  facts 


32  CONVERSION. 

of  the  gospel,  which  he  expressly  tells  us  he 
did  not  receive  frora  man,  but  by  the  revela- 
tion of  Jesus  Christ. 

As  we  here  speak  only  of  the  conversion  of 
Paul,  it  is  not  necessary  to  follow  him  in  his 
future  course  of  toil  and  peril  in  the  service 
of  his  di^dne  Master:  suffice  it  to  say,  that 
he  never  faltered  in  his  course,  but  persisted 
in  it,  through  every  form  of  opposition  and 
persecution,  until  he  obtained  his  crown  ;  thus 
proving  that  his  conversion  was  a  reahty,  and 
that  his  religion  could  endure  the  severest 
tests.  At  the  close  of  a  long  life,  and  in  the 
near  prospect  of  a  violent  death,  he  was  en- 
abled to  say,  '^  I  am  now  ready  to  be  offered ; 
and  the  time  of  my  departure  is  at  hand.  I 
have  fought  a  good  fight ;  I  have  finished  my 
course  ;  I  have  kept  the  faith.  Henceforth, 
there  is  laid  up  for  me  a  crown  of  righteous- 
ness, which  -the  Lord,  the  righteous  Judge, 
shall  give  me  at  that  day." 

In  thinking  of  the  conversion  of  Paul,  it  is 
important  that  we  separate  it,  so  far  as  possi- 
ble, from  the  circumstances  connected  with 


CONVERSION.  33 

it.  These  were  marvellous,  some  of  them 
mh'aculous,  —  as  the  light,  the  voice,  the 
vision  of  Christ;  but  the  conversion  itself 
was  not  miraculous,  nor  did  it  differ  essen- 
tially from  any  other  case  of  true  conversion. 
Peculiar  circumstances  were  needed  to  arrest 
Paul  in  his  career  of  blood,  to  show  him  his 
errors,  to  subdue  his  prejudices,  to  convict 
him  of  his  guilt  and  ruin,  to  lead  him  to  sub- 
mit to  his  Lord  and  Saviour,  and,  from  being 
an  enraged  persecutor,  to  become  his  willing 
and  devoted  servant,  —  peculiar  circumstan- 
ces, I  say,  were  needed  for  these  purposes : 
and  they  were  furnished;  and,  under  God, 
they  were  effectual.  But  the  conversion  of 
Paul  did  not  consist  in  any  of  these  attendant 
circumstances,  but  in  the  submission  of  his 
sold  to  Christ, — a  submission  brought  about 
under  the  influence  of  motives,  and  the  ac- 
companying influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit; 
a  submission  in  which  he  was  free  and  active, 
and  which  he  may  be  said,  under  God,  to 
have  accomplished  himself.  It  was  he  that 
submitted.     It  was  he  that,  from  being  a  bit- 


34  CONVERSION. 

ter  enemy  of  Christ,  became  his  devoted  ser- 
vant and  friend.  But  for  this  voluntary  sub- 
mission to  Christ,  the  light,  the  voices,  the 
visions,  the  miracles,  would  have  done  him  no 
good.  He  would  have  risen  from  them  all  as 
bitter  an  enemy  as  he  was  before.  The  con- 
version of  Paul,  then,  consisted  in  the  volun- 
tary submission  of  his  whole  heing  to  Christy 
and  did  not  differ  essentially,  as  I  said,  from 
any  other  case  of  genuine  conversion. 

God  uses  various  methods  now  to  bring 
impenitent  souls  to  the  feet  of  the  Saviour. 
The  most  common  means,  perhaps,  is  the 
preaching  of  the  gospel ;  but  then  God  is  not 
confined  to  this,  —  at  least  in  the  ordinary 
method  of  its  administration.  He  often  uses 
other  means,  as  worldly  disappointments,  the 
example  and  conversation  of  Christians,  a  fit 
of  sickness,  or  the  death  of  friends.  I  once 
knew  a  man  who  was  awakened  by  the  sing- 
ing bf  a  robin,  and  was  afterwards  converted, 
and  brought  to  Christ.  The  man  to  whom  I 
refer  was  a  physician  and  an  infidel.  Return- 
ing home  one  morning,  from  his  visits  to  the 


CONVERSION.  35 

sick,  he  rode  under  a  great  spreading  tree,  in 
the  top  of  which  sat  a  little  robin,  pouring 
forth  its  morning  song.  The  thought  struck 
him  that  this  httle  bird  was  singing  a  song  of 
praise  to  its  great  Creator  and  Preserver,  — 
a  thing  which  he  had  never  done.  This 
thought  was  an  arrow  in  his  conscience  which 
could  not  be  extracted.  It  distressed  him, 
until,  as  I  said,  he  was  thoroughly  convinced 
of  sin,  and  brought  to  submit  to  Christ.  But, 
then,  his  conversion  did  not  consist  in  the 
singing  of  the  buxl,  or  in  any  of  his  subse- 
quent anxieties  and  distresses,  but,  as  in  the 
case  of  Paul,  in  his  submission  to  the  Saviour. 
And  so  it  is,  substantially,  in  every  other 
case.  Conversions  do  not  all  assume  the 
same  form,  nor  are  they  brought  about  by  the 
same  means  ;  but  they  are  all  alike  in  this : 
they  consist  in  the  turning  of  the  heart,  in 
some  form,  from  sin  to  holiness,  —  in  a  turn- 
in^  from  the  love  of  self  and  the  world  and 
the  service  of  Satan  to  love  and  serve  the 
living  God. 


SECTION    III. 

CON\^ERSION  OF   AUGUSTINE,   BiSHOP  OF  HiPPO. 

FROM  the  latter  part  of  the  third  century 
after  Christ  to  the  former  part  of  the 
fifth,  there  was  a  gradual  but  manifest  decay 
of  vital  godliness.  And  although,  during 
this  period,  God  had  tried  his  Church  both  by 
judgments  and  mercies,  —  first  in  the  terri- 
ble fires  of  the  Diocletian  persecution,  and 
secondly  by  the  happy  revolution  under  Con- 
stantine,  —  still,  the  growing  evil  had  not 
been  effectually  cured,  or  scarcely  arrested. 
The  declension  continued  and  increased ;  dead 
forms  and  unprofitable  disputes  were  substi- 
tuted for  piety  and  godliness  ;  and  it  became 
painfully  evident,  that  true,  spiritual  religion 
must  ere  long  disappear,  unless  God  should 
interpose  b'y  his  Spirit,  and  revive  his  work. 
But,  at  this  critical  juncture,  God  did  gra- 


CONVERSION.  Zl 

ciously  interpose.  His  work  was  revived ;  and 
spiritual  religion  again  flourished,  —  at  least, 
in  one  part  of  the  Roman  Empire.  The  prin- 
cipaL instrument  in  this  precious  awakening, 
the  results  of  which  continue  even  to  our  own 
times,  was  the  celebrated  Augustine  of  Hippo, 
of  whose  conversion  I  am  now  to  speak. 

This  great  man  was  born  at  Tagaste,  a 
city  of  Numidia,  in  Northern  Africa,  A.D.  354. 
His  father,  Patricius,  though  nominally  a  ca- 
techumen, was  no  better  than  a  heathen,  until 
near  the  close  of  life.  His  mother,  Monica, 
was  an  eminently  devoted  Christian,  who  ex- 
erted a  stronoc  and  savins:  influence  over  both 
her  husband  and  her  son.  Patricius  died  in 
hope,  at  the  age  of  forty,  and  left  Augustine 
to  the  care  of  his  mother  4  and  most  watch- 
fully and  faithfully  did  she  care  for  him. 
Wherever  he  went,  whether  as  a  scholar  or 
teacher,  she  was  sure  to  be  near  him :  he  was 
the  object  of  much  entreaty,  and  of  many 
prayers ;  and,  after  a  sore  trial  of  some  sixteen 
years  from  the  death  of  his  father,  the  bless- 
When"  she  saw  her  son  a  decided 


38  CONVERSION. 

Christian,  she  felt  that  the  main  object  of  her 
life  was  gained.  She  was  now  ready  to  de- 
part ;  and,  in  a  few  weeks,  she  was  summoned 
homo.  In  all  Christian  antiquity,  we  have 
not  a  more  eminent  instance  than  is  here 
presented  of  conjugal  and  maternal  faithful- 
ness. The  great  Augustine  is  to  be  classed 
with  the  large  number  of  eminent  Christians 
who  have  owed,  not  their  usefulness  only, 
but  their  salvation,  to  the  influence  of  a 
pious  mother. 

Augustine's  advantages  of  education  were 
good,  and  his  talents  of  the  highest  order ; 
but  his  early  life  was  one  of  continued  de- 
bauchery and  wickedness.  In  philosophy, 
he  was  a  Manichee,  and  by  profession  a 
teacher  of  rhetoric  and  oratory.  In  the 
exercise  of  his  profession,  —  after  spending 
several  years  at  Carthage,  —  he  came  to 
Rome.  Here  he  was  attacked  with  •  fever, 
and  brought  near  to  death  ;  but  he  recovered 
from  it,  througli  the  influence  chiefly,  as  he 
afterwards  thought,  of  his  mother's  prayers. 
From  Rome,  he  went  to  Milan,  which  was  at 


CONVERSION.  39 

that  time  the  residence  of  the  emperor.  He 
here  became  acquainted  with  Ambrose, 
Bishop  of  Milan,  —  one  of  the  most  eloquent 
preachers  of  the  age.  "  I  conceived  an 
affection  for  him,"  says  Augustine,  "  not  as  a 
teacher  of  the  truth,  but  as  a  kind  and 
agreeable  friend.  I  studiously  attended  his 
lectures,  but  only  to  criticise  his  rhetoric, 
and  see  whether  fame  had  done  justice  to 
him  as  an  orator.  I  concerned  not  myself 
about  his  sentiments,  but  only  with  his 
manner  and  lang^uaG^e. 

"  Still,  the  ideas  which  I  strove  to  neglect 
forced  themselves  upon  my  mind ;  and  I  was 
gradually  brought  to  listen  to  the  bishop's 
doctrine.  I  found  reason  to  rebuke  myself 
for  the  hasty  conclusions  I  had  formed  as  to 
the  indefensible  claims,  of  the  Old  Testa- 
ment. Many  of  the  difficulties  which  the 
Manichees  had  started  in  respect  to  it  found 
an  easy  solution  in  the  expositions  of  Am- 
brose. The  possibility  of  finding  truth  in 
the  Church  of  Christ,  of  which  I  had  years 
before  despaired,  was  forced  upon  me  ;  and  I 


40  CONVERSION. 

began  to  consider  by  what  arguments  I 
mi2:ht  conviet  Manicheism  of  falsehood." 

It  should  have  been  enough  to  convict  a 
thoughtful  man  like  Augustine  of  the 
falsehood  of  Manicheism,  that  it  exerted  no 
favorable  influence  upon  the  character.  He 
was  himself  living  in  some  of  the  grossest 
sins,  and  yet  fancied  himself,  as  to  his  higher 
nature^  perfectly  pure,  charging  the  entire 
blame  of  the  evils  he  perpetrated  upon  a 
fleshly  nature  which  sinned  in  him. 

The  difficulties  which  rose  at  this  time  in 
the  mind  of  Augustine,  and  stood  in  the  way 
of  his  conversion,  were  partly  speculative, 
and  partly  practical.  The  errors  of  the 
Manichean  philosophy  had  become  so  in- 
grained, incorporated,  in  his  whole  interior 
being,  that  -he  found  it  difficult  to  eradicate 
them.  When  banished,  as  he  hoped  forever, 
they  would  return,  to  try  and  torture  _  him 
anew.  They  rose  up  within  him  like 
towers  and  bastions,  to  resist  the  entrance 
of  gospel  truth. 

But  his  most  desperate  struggle  was  not 


CONVERSION.  41 

with  these,  but  with  his  debased  feeUngs,  and 
his  corrupt  practices  and  habits.  His  convic- 
tions of  sin  were  deep  and  painful,  —  I  had 
almost  said  terrible.  He  has  detailed  them 
at  length  in  his  ''  Confessions,"  — a  work  well 
worthy  the  study  of  the  child  of  God  in 
every  age. 

At  lenc>"th  there  remained  but  a  sinofle 
obstacle  in  the  way  of  his  entering  the  king- 
dom of  Christ,  and  that  was  his  long -in- 
dulged and  easily-besetting  sin  of  unchastity. 
The  way  in  which  he  grappled  with  this,  and 
overcame  it,  and  thus  entered  the  kingdom 
as  it  were  by  violence,  must  be  given  in  his 
own  words. 

"  In  the  agitation  of  my  spirit,  I  retired 
into  the  garden,  knowing  how  e\dl  I  was, 
but  ignorant  of  the  good  which  God  had  in 
store  for  me.  With  vehement  indignation,  I 
rebuked  my  sinful  spirit,  because  it  would 
not  give  up  itself  to  God.  I  found  that  I 
wanted  a  will.  Still  I  was  restrained  ;  and 
the  Spirit  was  urgent  upon  me  with  severe 
mercy.     My  old  mistresses  shook  my  vesture 


42  CONVERSION. 

of  flesh,  and  whispered,  'Are  we,  then,  to 
part, — to  part  forever?  And  canst  thou  live 
without  us  ?  '  On  the  other  hand  appeared 
the  chaste  dignity  of  continence,  '  Canst  thou 
not,'  said  she,  '  perform  what  many  of  both 
sexes  have  performed,  not  in  themselves 
indeed,  but  in  the  strength  of  the  Lord? 
Cast  thyself  upon  him :  fear  not ;  he  will  not 
suffer  thee  to  fall.'  Such  was  my  internal 
controversy.  When  deep  meditation  had 
collected  all  my  misery  into  the  view  of  my 
heart,  a  violent  storm  arose,  producing  a  great 
shower  of  tears.  To  give  it  vent,  I  rose  up 
hastily  from  my  friend,  Alypius,  who  was 
sitting  by  me.  The  sound  of  my  voice  was 
stifled  Avith  weeping ;  and  he  remained 
motionless  in  the  same  place.  I  prostrated 
myself  under  a  fig-tree,  and,  with  flowing 
tears,  I  thus  spake :  '  How  long,  Lord,  Avilt 
thou  be  angry  ?  Forever  ?  Remember  not 
my  old  iniquities.  How  long  shall  I  persist 
in  saying  to-morrow  ?  Why  should  not  this 
hour  put  ari  end  to  my  slavery  ?  '  ,  As  I 
thus  spake  and  wept,  in  the  bitterness  of  my 


CONVERSION.  43 

soul,  I  seemed  to  hear  a  voice  saying  unto 
me,  ^Take  up  and  read ;  take  up  and  read.''  I 
took  up  the  Epistle  of  Paul,  which  I  had  by 
me,  and  read  the  following  passage,  which 
first  struck  my  eye :  '  Not  in  rioting  and 
drunkenness,  not  in  clambering  and  wanton- 
ness, not  in  strife  and  envying  ;  but  put  ye 
on  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  make  not  pro- 
vision for  the  flesh,  to  fulfil  the  lusts  there- 
of.' I  had  no  occasion  to  read  further. 
Immediately  the  struggle  was  ended,  and 
my  fears  were  gone.  I  closed  the  book, 
and,  with  a  tranquil  countenance,  gave  it  to 
my  friend.  With  a  serenity  and  composure 
suitable  to  his  character,  he  went  with  me  to 
my  mother ;  who  now  triumphed  in  the  abun- 
dant answers  to  her  prayers.  Thus  thou 
didst  turn  her  mourning  into  joy." 

Such  was  the  conversion  of  Augustine  of 
Hippo, — a  renouncing  of  sin;  a  turning  from 
it,  as  a  loathed  and  accursed  thinsf:  and 
coming  at  once  into  the  peace  and  hope  of 
the  gospel.  After  his  conversion,  Augustine 
closed  his  school  as  soon  as  practicable,  be- 


44  CONVERSION. 

came  a  catechumen,  and  retired  into  the 
countiy,  enjoying,  with  Alypius,  the  sedu- 
lous and  affectionate  care  of  his  mother. 
He  was  baptized  by  Ambrose,  in  the  year 
387,  in  the  thirty-third  year  of  his  age. 

Shortly  after  this,  Augustine  and  his  mother 
went  to  Rome,  intending  to  return  into  their 
own  country.  While  waiting  for  a  vessel  to 
take  them  to  Africa,  this  best  of  mothers 
fell  sick  and  died.  She  had  lived  to  see  the 
desire  of  her  heart  accomplished  in  the  con- 
version and  baptism  of  her  son.  She  was 
now  ready  to  depart ;  and  the  summons 
came.  She  was  buried  at  Ostia,  the  port 
of  Rome,  where  a  small  chapel  still  marks 
the  place  of  her  sepulture. 

Augustine  was  thirty-three  years  of  age  at 
the  time  of  his  conversion.  Subsequent  to 
this,  he  lived  more  than  forty  years,  and 
was,  under-  Christ,  the  great  luminary,  of  the 
Church.  He  wrote  upon  most  of  the  great 
doctrines  of  the  gospel.  He  treated  the  sub- 
ject of  religion  practically.,  solving  difficult 
questions,  cases  of  conscience,  and  guiding 


CONVERSION.  45 

inquirers  in  the  way  to  heaven.  He  also 
engaged  in  most  of  the  controversies  of  the 
times,  defending  the  truth  as  it  is  in  Jesus 
against  those  who  perverted  and  opposed  it. 
His  controversy  with  Pelagius  was  no  other 
than  a  struggle  for  evangelical  religion  against 
one  who  was  laboring  for  its  overthrow. 

It  is  sometimes  said  that  Augustine  was 
led  to  adopt  his  peculiar  opinions  on  the  sub- 
jects of  depravity,  predestination,  and  grace 
in  consequence  of  his  controversy  with  Pela- 
gius ;  but  the  truth  is,  he  was  led  into  the 
controversy  with  Pelagius  in  consequence  of 
his  holding  and  revering  these  sentiments. 
He  learned  them  in  the  Bible,  and  in  his 
own  conscious  experience.  He  was  taught 
them  by  the  Holy  Ghost ;  and  it  may  be 
clearly  shown  that  he  came  to  the  knowledge 
and  profession  of  them  at  least  ten  years 
previous  to  the  Pelagian  controversy. 

Aus^ustine   lived   to   see    Northern  Africa 

CD 

overcomie,  and  his  beloved  Hippo  besieged 
by  the  ruthless  vandals.  In  the  prospect  of 
approaching  trials  and  sufferings,  it  was  his 


46  CONVERSION. 

daily  prayer,  either  that  God  would  deliver 
the  city,  or  that  he  would  give  his  servants 
grace  to  endure  all  that  might  be  indicted,  or 
that  he  might  himself  be  taken  out  of  the 
world.  In  the  last  particular,  and  we  hope 
in  the  two  last,  his  prayer  was  heard.  In 
the  third  month  of  the  siege,  which  lasted 
fourteen  months  in  all,  Augustine  was  seized 
with  a  fever,  which  terminated  his  life.  He 
died,  A.D.  429,  in  the  seventy-sixth  year  of 
his  age,  and  the  fortieth  of  his  ministry. 

Between  Augustine  and  the  apostle  Paul, 
there  were  some  strong  points  of  resem- 
blance. Both  had  been  virulent  enemies 
of  the  gospel  in  their  younger  days.  Both 
had  been  arrested  by  omnipotent  grace,  had 
been  deeply  convinced  of  sin,  and  had  been 
thoroughly  renewed  and  changed  ;  and,  af- 
ter conversion,  both  became  the  heralds  and 
champions  of  the  same  system  of  doctrines, 
—  tlie  doctrines  of  grace.  It  was  Paul's  vo- 
cation to  combat  the  errors  of  his  times,  and 
lay  down  a  platform  of  evangelical  doctrine 
which   can   never  be  destroyed.     And  in  a 


CONVERSION.  47 

time  of  general  declension,  when  these  doc- 
trines had  been  obscured,  and  dead  formalism 
was  rising  up  to  take  tlieir  place,  it  was 
Augustine's  vocation  to  combat  the  errors  of 
his  times,  and  bring  back  the  doctrines  of 
the  great  apostle  to  something  like  their 
original  place  and  purity.  It  was  his  voca-' 
tion  to  inculcate  and.  diffuse  these  doctrines, 
and  so  to  sound  the  gospel  trump  that  its 
eclio  has  reverberated  through  all  the  inter- 
vening ages  to  the  present  time. 

We  would  not  be  understood  as  indorsing 
every  expression  or  every  sentiment  which 
occurs  in  the  voluminous  works  of  Augus- 
tine :  far  from  it ;  but  we  have  no  hesita- 
tion in  saying,  that  probably  no  one  has 
lived,  since  the  days  of  Paul,  the  influence  of 
whose  writings  upon  the  religious  world  has 
been  so  great,  so  enduring,  and,  on  the 
whole,  so  happy,  as  those  of  the  renowned 
Bishop  of  Hippo. 


SECTION  IV. 

Conversion  of   Luther. 

IN  speaking  of  the  conversion  of  Luther, 
it  will  not  be  necessary  to  go  into  all  the 
particulars  of  his  early  life.  He  was  the  son 
of  a  poor  miner,  and  was  born  at  Eisleben, 
in  Saxony,  Nov.  10,  1483.  His  early  educa- 
tion was  chiefly  accomplished  at  a  school  in 
Eisenach,  where  he  remained  several  years. 
He  was  at  this  time  very  poor,  and,  like  sev- 
eral others,  was  under  the  necessity  of  beg- 
ging his  bread.  One  day,  when  he  had  been 
repulsed  from  several  houses,  and  was  about 
to  return  fasting  to  his  lodgings,  a  lady  by 
the  name  of  Cotta  opened  her  door  .to  him, 
and  invited  him  to  come  and  live  at'  her 
house.  In  after  life,  Luther  used  to  speak 
of  this  woman  as  "  the  Christian  Shunam- 
mite  ; "  and  it  was  with  reference  to  her  that 

48 


CONVERSION.  49 

he  said,  "  There  is  nothing  sweeter  than  the 
heart  of  a  pious  woman." 

Luther  remained  in  the  family  of  Cotta 
two  or  three  years;  and  they  were  among 
the  happiest  years  of  his  life.  At  the  age 
of  eighteen,  he  entered  the  University  of 
Erfurth,  where  he  gave  some  attention  to  the 
scholastic  pliilosophy,  but  applied  himself 
chiefly  to  the  study  of  the  Latin  classics. 
He  was  at  this  period  a  thoughtful  young 
man,  and  continually  invoked  the  divine  bless- 
ing upon  his  studies.  It  had  become  a 
proverb  with  him,  wdien  not  more  than 
eighteen  years  old  :  "  Bene  precasse  est  bene 
studuisse,''  —  "To  pray  well  is  the  better 
half  of  study." 

When  Luther  had  been  two  years  at  the 
university,  as  he  was  one  day  in  the  library 
turning  over  books,  and  reading  the  title- 
pages,  he  accidentally  came  upon  a  Latin 
Bible.  It  was  a  rare  book.  He  had  never 
seen  one  before  in  his  life.  He  was  aston- 
ished to  find  that  the  Bible  contained  so 
many  more  books  and  chapters  than  he  had 

4 


50  CONVERSION. 

before  heard  of.  With  feelings  unutterable, 
he  turned  over  its  pages,  and  exclaimed, 
"  Oh,  that  I  might  have  such  a  book  for 
my  own  !  " 

After  taking  his  academical  degrees,  Lu- 
ther yielded  to  the  wishes  of  his  father,  and 
entered  upon  the  study  of  law  ;  but  God 
had  a  different  purpose  respecting  him,  and. 
this  purpose  he  began  early  to  manifest. 
The  conscience  of  Luther  was  not  at  ease  : 
he  knew  that  religion  was  the  one  thing 
needful,  and  that  his  first  care  should  be  for 
the  salvation  of  his  soul ;  and  he  was  led  to 
resolve  that  he  would  do  all  in  his  power  to 
secure  a  well-grounded  hope  of  heaven. 
The  |:>roz;fcZe?2cgs  of  God  occurring  around 
him  went  to  confirm  him  in  this  resolution. 
He  was  deeply^  affected  by  the  sudden  death 
of  one  of  his  college  friends,  but  more  so  by 
a  terrible  storm  of  thunder,  Avhich  had  well 
nigh  proved  fatal  to  himself.  As  the  winds 
roared,  and  the  lightnings  flashed,  and  the 
bolt  of  heaVen  struck  close  by  his  side,  he 
fell  on  his  knees,  thinking  that  his  last  hour 


CONVERSION.  '51 

had  come.  And  here  he  made  a  solemn  vow, 
that,  if  God  would  appear  for  his  deliverance, 
he  would  renounce  the  world,  and  devote 
himself  entu'ely  to  his  service.  God  did  ap- 
pear for  his  dehverance ;  and  Luther,  in  his 
ignorance,  knew  no  way  in  which  his  vow 
could  be  performed,  and  that  hohness  which 
he  sought  could,  be  secured,  but  by  entering 
a  cloister.  He  must  literally  forsake  the 
world,  and  bury  himself  in  the  seclusion  of 
some  one  of  the  monastic  orders. 

The  next  we  hear  of  him,  he  is  in  the  con- 
vent of  the  Augustinian  friars  at  Erfurth. 
The  friends  of  Luther  were  greatly  surprised 
at  the  step  he  had  taken ;  and  more  espe- 
cially was  this  the  case  with  his  honored 
father.  He  had  exerted  himself  to  the  ut- 
most to  support  his  son  at  the  university, 
hoping  to  see  him  a  learned  barrister  or 
statesman,  and  filling  a  large  space  in  the 
eyes  of  the  world;  and  now,  by  one  fatal 
step,  all  his  ambitious  projects  were  over- 
thrown. He  wrote  an  angry  letter  to  his 
son,  threatening  him,  if  he   persisted,   with 


52  CONVERSION. 

the  entire  loss  of  his  favor,  and  with  being 
utterly  disinherited  from  a  father's  love. 
After  a  while,  however,  the  feelings  of  the 
father  softened  ;  and  he  reluctantly  submitted 
to  that  which  he  had  no  power  to  avert. 

The  monks,  at  the  first,  were  exceedingly 
complaisant  to  the  new-comer,  applauding 
his  decision,  his  renunciation  of  the  world. 
Ere  long,  however,  they  began  to  treat  him 
harshly,  and  to  impose  upon  him  the  most 
menial  services.  Nevertheless,  he  bore  it  all 
with  patience,  and  the  more  so,  as  he  hoped, 
by  self-mortification,  to  acquire  that  humility 
and  holiness,  in  pursuit  of  which  he  had  be- 
come an  inmate  of  the  cloister. 

Luther  found  in  the  convent,  as  he  had 
in  the  university,  a  Latin  Bible,  to  which  he 
had  recourse  daily.  .  He  began  at  this  time 
to  study  the  sacred  books  in  the  original 
tongues,  and  thus  prepare  himself,  without 
knowing  it,  for  the  most  perfect  and  useful 
of  all  his  works,  —  his  translation  of  the 
Bible  into  German. 

But   it  was   not  so  n\uch  for   study"  that 


CONVERSION.  53 

Luther  had  renounced  the  world,  and  im- 
mured himself  in  the  recesses  of  the  cloister : 
it  was  that  he  might  crucify  the  flesh,  se- 
cure the  remission  of  sins,  and  be  made  holy. 
He  was  very  punctual,  therefore,  in  observing 
all  the  prescribed  penances  and  rules.  He 
spared  neither  fastings,  macerations,  nor 
vigils.  On  one  occasion,  he  passed  seven 
whole  weeks  almost  entirely  without  sleep. 
A  little  bread  and  a  single  herring  were  often 
his  only  food ;  but,  the  more  he  tortured 
himself,  the  more  anxious  he  became.  He 
had  formed  some  conception  now  of  what  it 
is  to  be  holy ;  and  he  was  distressed  at  find- 
ing, neither  in  his  heart  nor  his  life,  any 
appearance  of  that  hoUness  which  he  saw  to 
be  needful.  Those  around  him  directed  him 
to  perform  good  works,  and  in  this  way  to 
satisfy  the  divine  justice  ;  but  "  what  good 
works,"  said  he,  "  can  proceed  out  of  a  heart 
like  mine  ?  How  can  I,  with  works  polluted 
even  in  their  source  and  motive,  stand  before 
a  holy  Judge  ?  " 

Luther  was,  at  this  period,  greatly  agitated 


54  CONVERSION. 

and  distressed.  He  moved  like  a  spectre 
through  the  long  aisles  of  his  cloister,  uttering 
only  sighs  and  groans.  He  found  to  his  sor- 
row, that,  though  by  entering  the  convent 
he  had  procured  a  change  of  raiment,  he 
had  experienced  no  change  of  heart.  He 
performed  penances,  repeated  prayers,  and 
confessed  daily  ;  but  all  was  of  no  use  :  the 
burthen  was  still  upon  his  spirit,  and  naught 
that  he  had  power  to  do  could  remove  it. 
Under  the  anguish  of  his  mind,  his  bodily 
powers  failed,  his  strength  forsook  him,  and 
he  was  rapidly  drawing  to  the  gates  of  death. 
On  one  occasion  he  was  found  on  the  floor, 
in  a  state  of  entire  unconsciousness ;  and  it 
was  a  long  time  before  he  could  be  restored. 
Thus  hardly  and  terribly  did  this  poor  sinner 
suffer,  in  ignorance  of  the  true  method  of 
salvation,  to  work  out  a  righteousness  of 
his  own. 

But  the  day  of  his  deliverance  was  -  at 
hand.  John  Staupitz,  the  vicar-general  of 
the  Augustinians  in  Germany,  made  a  visit 
to  Erfurth.     He  had  passed  thrdugh  troubles 


CONVERSION-.  oo 

very  similar  to  those  of  Luther,  and  had 
found  deliverance  in  Christ.  He  was  the 
very  person,  therefore,  to  deal  with  Luther  ; 
and  he  instructed  him  in  the  most  prudent 
and  faithful  manner.  He  directed  his 
thoughts  away  from  himself,  and  led  them 
up  to  the  cross  of  Christ.  ''  Instead  of  tor- 
turing yourself  for  your  faults,  cast  yourself 
into  the  arms  of  the  Redeemer.  Trust  in 
him,  in  the  spotless  righteousness  of  his 
life,  and  the  expiatory  sacrifice  of  his  death. 
Do  not  shrink  away  from  God.  He  is  not 
against  you:  it  is  you  rather  who  are  es- 
tranged and  averse  from  him." 

These  were  strange  words  to  the  ears  of 
Luther.  He  listened,  and  pondered,  and 
listened  again.  He  flew  to  the  Scriptures, 
and  consulted  all  the  passages  relating  to 
conversion  and  justification;  and  he  found 
that  it  was  even  so  as  his  friend  had  said.  A 
new  light  now  began  to  enter  his  mind,  and 
new  consolations  sprang  up  in  his  soul. 
"  Yes,"  he  exclaimed,  "  there  is  hope  in 
Christ.      It  is  Christ  himself  that   comforts 


56  CONVERSION. 

me  with  these  sweet  and  precious  words." 
The  first  religious  exercises  of  Luther  seem 
to  have  been  those  of  faith  and  trust ;  but 
these  were  soon  followed  by  the  meltings  of 
true  penitence.  "  Formerly,  there  was 
naught  in  the  Bible  more  bitter  to  me  than 
the  thought  of  repentance  ;  but  now  there  is 
nothing  more  pleasant  and  sweet.  All  those 
scriptures  which  once  alarmed  me  seem  now 
to  flow  together,  and  smile  and  play  around 
my  heart.  Oh,  how  blessed  are  all  God's 
precepts,  when  we  read  them  not  in  books 
alone,  but  in  the  faith  of  Christ !  " 

But  these  consolations  of  Luther  were 
not  without  seasons  of  interruption.  Sin 
was  again  felt  upon  his  tender  conscience  ; 
and  then  he  relapsed  into  his  former  troubles. 
"  Oh,  my  sin,  my  sin !  "  he  one  day  ex- 
claimed in  the  presence  of  Staupitz,  and  in  a 
tone  of  the.  bitterest  agony.  ".Well," 
replied  the  latter,  "  would  you  be  only'  the 
semblance  of  a  sinner,  and  have  only  the 
semblance  of  a  Saviour  ?  Know  that  Jesus 
Christ  is  the  Saviour  of  those  who  are  real 


CONVERSION.  57 

and  great   sinners,   and   deserving   of   utter 
condemnation." 

Luther  had  trouble  at  this  time,  not  only 
with  the  state  of  his  heart,  but  with  some  of 
the  higher  doctrines  of  the  gospel.  He 
wished  to  penetrate  the  deep  things  of  God, 
to  unveil  their  mysteries,  and  comprehend  the 
incomprehensible.  But  his  friend  Staupitz 
checked  him.  He  told  him  that  he  must 
understand  the  plainer  things  first.  He  must 
not  attempt  to  fathom  God,  but  confine  him- 
self to  what  of  his  character  is  revealed  in 
Christ.  We  cannot  understand  God,  except 
through  Christ. 

Before  leaving  the  convent,  the  vicar- 
general  gave  Luther  a  Bible,  and  directed 
him  to  the  diligent  and  persevering  study  of 
it.  Better  advice  than  this  was  never  given; 
nor  was  any  advice  ever  more  faithfully 
followed.  The  mind  of  Luther  was  now  in 
a  state  to  receive  and  love  the  truth.  It  was 
to  him  as  cold  water  to  a  thirsty  soul.  The 
soil  of  his  heart  had  been  thoroughly 
ploughed ;   and  in  it  the  incorruptible  seed 


58  CONVERSION. 

took  deep  root.     It  sprang  up,  and  brought 
forth  fruit  an  hundred-fold. 

From  this  time,  Martin  Luther  was  a  new 
man,  and  entered  upon  a  new  spiritual  life. 
He  was  soon  removed  from  the  convent  to 
his  professorship  at  Wittemburg,  and  there 
entered  upon  his  contest  "  with  spiritual 
wickedness  in  high  places ;  "  and  this  contest 
he  pursued,  before  legates  and  pontiffs, 
nobles  and  diets,  emperors  and  kings,  until 
half  Europe  was  emancipated  from  papal 
bondage,  until  the  word  of  the  Lord  had 
free  course  among  the  nations,  ran,  and  was 
gloFified.  Yet,  from  every  step  of  his  tri- 
umphant progress,  he  could  look  back  upon 
the  change  accompUshed  in  him  at  Erfurth 
as  the  turning-point  in  his  eventful  history, 
the  beginning  of  his  great  usefulness,  the 
commencement  of  his  walk  with  God. 


SECTION  V. 

COKVERSION  OF  JoHN  BUNYAN. 

THE  "  ingenious  dreamer "  began  to 
dream  almost  as  soon  as  he  was  born.* 
"Even  in  my  cbildliood,"  says  be,  "tbe  Lord 
did  scare  me  with  dreams,  and  terrify  me 
with  fearful  visions.  Once  I  dreamed  that 
the  end  of  the  world  was  come,  and  that 
the  earth  quaked,  and  opened  its  mouth  to 
receive  me.  Again,  I  dreamed  that  I  was 
di'opping  into  the  flames  among  the  damned, 
and  that  a  person  in  white  raiment  suddenly 
plucked  me,  as  a  brand,  out  of  the  fire." 

Though  these  di-eams  must  have  made 
some  impression  on  the  child,  they  did  not 
restrain  him  from  the  paths  of  sin.  He 
grew  up  in  the  indulgence  of  the  grossest 

*  Bunyan  was  born  at  Elstow,  near  Bedford,  England,  in  the 
year  1628. 

59 


60  CONVERSION. 

vices,  —  lying,  stealing,  profane  swearing,  , 
sabbath-breaking,  and  the  like.  Yet  he 
was  not  without  some  special  restraints. 
One  day,  while  at  play  with  his  wicked  com- 
panions, a  voice  seemed  to  come  to  him  from 
above :  "  Wilt  thou  leave  thy  sins,  and  go  to 
heaven;  or  have  thy  sins,  and  go  to  hell?" 
This  put  him  into  such  consternation  that  he 
was  constrained  to  leave  his  sports ;  and,  look- 
ing up  to  heaven,  he  thought  he  saw  the  Lord 
Jesus  looking  down  upon  him,  and  severely 
threatening  him  for  his  ungodly  practices. 

At  another  time,  while  belching  out  blas- 
phemies, he  was  rebuked  by  a  woman  who 
was  herself  a  notorious  sinner.  "  She  told 
me  that  I  was  the  ungodliest  fellow  for 
swearing  that  she  ever  heard  in  all  her  life, 
and  that  I  was  enough  to  spoil  all  the  youth 
in  the  town,  if  they  but  came  in  my  com- 
pany. "At  this  reproof,"  says  Bunyan,  "I 
was  silenced,  and  put  to  shame,  and  that,  too, 
before  the  God  of  heaven.  For  somehow  or 
other,  from  this  time  I  left  off  swearing  :  and, 
not  only  so,  I  undertook  to  reform  my  life ; 


CONVERSION.  61 

and  in  this  I  so  far  succeeded  that  I  really 
thought  I  pleased  God  as  well  as  any  man  in 
England.  My  neighbors,  too,  did  take  me 
for  a  very  godly  man,  and  did  marvel  much 
at  so  great  an  alteration  in  my  life  and 
manners :  and  this  gratified  me  exceedingly ; 
for,  though  I  was  nothing  but  a  poor,  painted 
hypocrite,  I  loved  to  be  talked  of  as  one  that 
was  truly  godly." 

But  this  self-righteousness  and  self-com- 
placence did  not  last  long.  Very  soon  it 
was  most  effectually  broken  up  ;  and  Bunyan 
tells  us  how  it  was  done.  "  Being  at  work 
at  my  trade  "  (which  was  that  of  a  tinker), 
"in  one  of  the  streets  of  Bedford,  I  saw 
several  poor  women  sitting  at  the  door  of  a 
house,  and  talking  about  the  things  of  God. 
I  drew  near  enough  to  hear  what  was  said  ; 
but,  though  I  heard,  I  understood  not :  their 
talk  was  about  the  new  birth,  and  the  work 
of  God  in  their  hearts.  They  told  of  their 
miserable  state  by  nature,  and  how  God  had 
visited  their  souls  with  his  love  in  Clirist 
Jesus,  and  with  what  words  of  promise  they 


62  CONVERSION. 

had  been  refreshed,  comforted,  and  supported 
agamst  the  temptations  of  Satan ;  and  me- 
thought  they  spoke  with  such  pleasantness 
of  Scripture  language,  and  with  such  an  ap- 
pearance of  grace  in  all  that  they  said,  that 
they  were  to  me  as  if  they  had  found  a  new 
world. 

"  After  hearing  them  a  while,  I  left 
them,  but  not  without  the  most  serious  mis- 
givings as  to  my  own  spiritual  state ;  for  I 
was  sure  that  I  knew  nothing  of  the  new 
birth,  nor  of  the  comforts  of  .the  words  of 
promise,  nor  of  the  deceitfulness  and 
treachery  of   my  own  wicked  heart." 

Bunyan  was  so  much  interested  in  the  con- 
versation of  these  women,  that  he  frequently 
sought  their  company  ;  and,  the  more  he  saw 
and  heard  them,  the  more  he  was  satisfied 
that  he  had  no  religion.  This  thought  filled 
him  with  terror  and  distress-;  and  now,  for 
several  years,  he  was  a  miserable  being,  the 
sport  of  his  impressions,  and  of  manifold  temp- 
tations. Like  most  of  the  pious  people 
among  whom  he  dwelt,  he  laid  great  stress. 


CONVERSION.  G3 

upon  particular  thoughts  darted  into  his  mind, 
or  upon  passages  of  Scripture  suddenly 
brought  to  his  recollection.  If  these  were 
favorable  to  him,  he  Avould  have  a  httle  hope, 
not  that  he  was  already  converted,  but  that 
at  some  time  he  might  be.  But  if  these  were 
against  him,  as  they  generally  were,  then  he 
was  in  black  despair :  he  was  not  one  of  the 
elect ;  or  he  was  given  up  of  God,  and  liis 
day  of  grace  was  past ;  or  he  had  committed 
the  unpardonable  sin.  During  much  of  this 
time,  he  durst  not  pray  for  himself,  nor  durst 
he  ask  others  to  pray  for  him  ;  since,  for  those 
who  have  committed  the  sin  unto  death. 
Christians  are  not  allowed  to  pray  (1  John 
V.  16). 

We  never  read  this  part  of  Bunyan's  spir- 
itual history,  as  detailed  by  himself,  without 
longing  to  be  near  him,  that  we  might  whis- 
per a  word  of  instruction  and  consolation  in 
his  ear.  Strange,  that  with  the  plain  direc- 
tions of  the  Bible  open  before  him,  "  Repent, 
and  be  converted,  that  your  sins  may  be  blot- 
ted out ;  "  "  Believe  on  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 


64  CONVERSION. 

and  thou  shalt  be  saved,"  —  he  should  turn 
away  from  such  precious  offers,  and  be  driven 
akiiost  to  desperation  by  the  suggestions  of 
the  wicked  one. 

But  at  length,  to  use  his  own  language, 
"the  time  of  comfort  came.  I  heard  one 
preach  from  these  words  :  '  Behold,  thou  art 
fair,  my  love ;  behold,  thou  art  fair '  (Cant, 
iv.  1).  The  preacher  dwelt  much  on  the  love 
of  Chi'ist  for  his  people.  He  loved  them 
when  under  temptation  and  desertion ;  loved 
them  when  they  were  hated  of .  the  world. 
As  I  was  going  home,  these  words  were  much 
in  my  thoughts,  and  began  to  kindle  in  my 
spuit,  '  Thou  art  my  love,  thou  art  my.  love.' 
As  they  ran  through  my  mind  twenty  times 
over,  they  waxed  stronger  and  warmer ;  and 
I  began  to  look  up,  I  began  to  give  place  to 
the  blessed  word  ;  and  I  said,  '  Thou  art  my 
love,  thou  art  my  love  ;  £ind  nothing  shull  ever 
separate  thee  from  my  love.''  And  with  that 
my  heart  was  filled  fidl  of  comfort  and  hope  ; 
and  now  I  would  believe  that  my  sins  would 
all  be  forgiven  me :  yea,  I  was  now  so  taken 


CONVEBSION.  65 

with  the  love  and  mercy  of  God,  that  I  could 
scarcely  contain  till  I  got  home.  I  thought  I 
could  have  spoken  of  Christ's  love,  and  have 
told  of  his  mercy  to  me,  even  to  the  very 
crows  that  sat  upon  the  ploughed  land  before 
me,  had  they  been  capable  of  understanding 
me.  Wherefore  I  said  in  my  soul,  with  much 
gladness,  '  Oh  that  I  had  a  pen  and  ink  here  ! 
I  would  write  this  down  before  I  go  any  fur- 
ther ;  for  surely  I  cannot  forget  this  in  forty 
years.' " 

Here,  evidently,  was  the  conversion  of 
Bunyan;  and  it  consisted  in  the  gushing 
forth  of  love,  —  love  to  God  and  love  to  the 
Saviour,  —  complacent,  grateful  love  for  their 
infinite  love  and  mercy  towards  him. 

Still,  the  trials  of  Bunyan  were  not  ended. 
In  his  state  and  habit  of  mind,  this  was 
not  to  be  expected.  It  was  not  long 
before  his  temptations  returned;  and  he 
was  tossed  and  buffeted  by  them  for  many 
months.  At  one  time,  he  was  tempted  to 
deny  the  existence  of  God,  and  the  truth 
and   inspiration   of   the   Bible.     At  another 


66  CONVERSION. 

time,  he  thought  himself  possessed  of  the 
devil ;  and  then  that  he  had  sinned  against 
the  Holy  Ghost.  If  he  attempted  to  pray, 
he  felt  the  devil  behind  him,  pulling  his 
clothes,  and  trying  to  stop  him.  He  was 
once  beset  with  the  temptation  to  sell  his 
Saviour,  as  Judas  did ;  and  the  thought  kept 
runnmg  in  his  mind  night  and  day :  "  Sell 
him,  sell  him,  sell  him ! "  And  because 
once,  in  his  desperation,  he  had  allowed 
the  thought  to  escape  him,  "  Let  him  go,  if 
he  will,"  he  suffered  for  a  long  time  all  the 
horrors  of  despair.  He  had  done  just  as 
Esau  did,  sold  his  birthright ;  and,  like  Esau, 
he  could  find  no  place  for  repentance.  He 
had  sold  his  Saviour  for  less  than  Judas  re- 
ceived, and  deserved  a  greater  damnation. 

It  is  not  to  be  understood,  however,  that 
these  temptations  constantly  prevailed.  At 
times  he  was  relieved ;  hope  beamed  upon 
him ;  and  his  heart  was  filled  with  love  and 
joy.  He  had  great  comfort  in  reading 
"  Luther's  Commentary  on  the  Galatians." 
His  first  love  was  restored  to  him ;  and  h$ 


CONVERSION.  67 

was  enabled  to  say,  "  I  loved  Christ  dearty. 
My  soul  clung  to  him  ;  my  affections  cleaved 
to  him  :  I  felt  my  love  to  him  as  hot  as  fire." 

Nor  were  the  temptations  of  Bunyan, 
while  they  lasted,  altogether  without  profit. 
They  gave  him  a  knowledge  of  his  own 
heart,  and  qualified  him  to  deal  with  others 
in  like  circumstances.  They  prepared  him 
to  write  "  The  Pilgrim's  Progress "  and 
"  The  Holy  War ; "  and  no  one  can  fully 
understand  these  precious  allegories,  without 
first  learning  the  experience  of  their  author, 
as  detailed  in  his  "  Grace  abounding  to  the 
Chief  of  Sinners." 

When  the  mind  of  Bunyan  had  become  in 
some  measure  settled,  he  joined  the  Baptist 
church  in  Bedford;  and  in  the  year  1656, 
when  he  was  twenty-eight  years  old,  he  be- 
gan to  preach  the  everlasting  gospel ;  and  in 
this  work  he  persevered,  —  except  that,  for 
doing  it,  he  was  twelve  years  shut  up  in 
Bedford  jail, — to  the  end  of  life.  He 
was  a  burning  and  shining  light  while  he 
lived;  and  his  light  still  shines,  though  he 


68  CONVERSION. 

has  been  a  hundred  years  dead.  He  had 
man}^  souls  given  hnn  as  the  seals  of  his 
ministry,  and  secured  a  name  and  fame 
among  his  brethren  which  will  never  be  for- 
gotten. 


SECTION    VI. 

Conversion  of  Lady  Huntington  and  William  CJowper. 
LADY    HUNTINGTON. 

SELINA  SHIRLEY,  afterwards  Lady 
Huntington,  was  the  second  daughter 
of  Earl  Ferrars,  and  was  born  at  Churtley, 
Aug,  24,  1707.  Almost  from  infancy,  an 
uncommon  seriousness  shaded  the  natural 
gladness  of  her  childhood.  When  only  nine 
years  old,  she  was  much  affected  by  the 
death  and  burial  of  one  of  her  playmates. 
While  weeping  at  the  grave,  a  deep  concern 
as  to  her  own  future  state  took  possession 
of  her  heart;  and,  with  many  tears,  she 
earnestly  implored  God,  that,  whenever  he 
should  be  pleased  to  take  her  away,  he 
would  deliver  her  from  all  her  fears,   and 


70  CONVERSION. 

give  her  a  happy  departure.  She  often  vis- 
ited the  grave  of  her  little  friend,  and  ever 
retained  a  lively  sense  of  the  affecting  scene 
she  had  there  witnessed.    ' 

In  her  juvenile  days,  she  often  retired  for 
prayer  to  a  particular  closet,  where  she  could 
not  be  observed ;  and  in  all  her  troubles 
found  relief  in  pouring  out  the  feelings  of' 
her  heart  to  God. 

At  the  age  of  twenty-one,  she  was  married 
to  Theophilus,  Earl  of  Huntington,  a  man  of 
high  and  exemplary  character,  and  thus  be- 
came allied  to  a  family  whose  tastes  and  prin- 
ciples coincided  with  her  own.  During  the 
first  years  of  her  married  life,  it  was  her  prin- 
cipal endeavor,  amid  all  the  splendors  and  ex- 
citements of  high  English  society,  to  maintain 
a  conscience  void  of  offence.  She  strove  to 
fulfil  the  various  duties  of  her  position  with 
scrupulous  exactness.  She  was  sincere,  just, 
and  upright;  she  prayed,  fasted,  and  gave 
alms ;  she  was  courteous,  considerate,  and 
charitable.  Still,  she  was  not  spiritually 
happy.     "  I  have  done  virtuously,"  she  could. 


CONVERSION.  71 

say;  "but  how  can  I  tell  when  I  have  done 
enough  ?  I  am  sure  that  I  have  not  satisfied 
the  claims  of  God's  holy  law." 

Lord  Huntington  had  several  sisters,  whose 
thoughtful  cast  of  mind  made  them  partic- 
ularly welcome  at  his  house.  One  of  these, 
Lady  Margaret  Hastings,  had  recently  been 
converted  under  the  ministry  of  Rev.  Benja- 
min Ingham,  a  particular  friefid  of  the  Wes- 
leys,  to  whom  she  was  afterwards  married. 
In  conversation  with  Lady  Huntington,  she 
opened  to  her  the  way  of  pardon  and  peace 
through  a  crucified  Sa^dour,  and  spoke, 
at  length,  of  her  own  blessed  experience : 
"  Since  I  have  known  and  believed  in  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,"  she  said,  "  I  have  been 
as  happy  as  an  angel."  This  remark  startled 
Lady  Huntington.  It  taught  her,  that,  with 
all  her  seriousness  and  apparent  goodness, 
she  was  yet  a  stranger  to  the  hopes  and  con- 
solations of  the  gospel.  In  her  anxieties  on 
this  subject,  she  was  thrown  upon  a  bed  of 
sickness,  and  brought  apparently  near  to  the 
grave.     The  fear  of  death  fell  terribly  upon 


72  CONVERSION. 

her.  It  was  to  no  purpose  that  she  re- 
minded herself  of  the  uprightness  of  her 
past  life.  Her  best  righteousness,  so  far 
from  justifying  her  before  God,  appeared 
only  to  increase  her  condemnation.  She 
saw  that  her  "  heart  was  deceitful  above  all 
things,  and  desperately  wicked;"  that  "all 
have  sinned,  and  come  short  of  the  glory  of 
God."  When  upon  the  point  of  perishing, 
in  her  own  apprehension,  the  words  of  Lady 
Margaret  were  brought  home  to  her  heart ; 
and  she  felt  a  strong  desire,  renouncing 
every  other  hope,  to  cast  herself  upon  Christ 
alone  for  pardon  and  salvation.  To  this  end, 
she  lifted  up  her  heart  to  God  in  most  impor- 
tunate prayer,  and  was  enabled  to  make  the 
surrender  for  which  she  prayed.  Immedi- 
ately, all  her  fears  and  distress  were  re- 
moved ;  and  her  soul  was  filled  with  joy  and 
peace.  The  Sun  of  Righteousness  arose 
upon  her,  with  healing  in  his  beams.  The 
scales  fell  from  her  eyes,  opening  a  passage 
for  the  hght  of  hfe ;  and  death  and  darkness 
fled  before  it.     Viewing  herself  as  a  brand 


CONVERSION.  73 

plucked  from  the  burning,  she  could  but 
adore  that  grace  which  had  snatched  her 
from  the  brink  of  ruin,  and  filled  her  soul 
with  the  joy  of  heaven.  The  conversion 
here  recorded  commenced  in  faiths  and,  as 
is  usual  in  such  cases,  was  followed  with  an 
abundance  of  peace. 

From  the  moment  of  Lady  Huntington's 
change,  her  bodily  disease  took  a  favorable 
turn.  She  was  soon  restored  to  health,  and 
entered  at  once  upon  a  new  course  of  hfe. 
She  became  a  regular  attendant  on  the 
preaching  of  the  Methodists,  entertained 
them  at  her  house,  and  had  frequent  meet- 
ings there,  to  which  the  nobility  were  in- 
vited. Even  Chesterfield  and  Bolingbroke 
were  repeatedly  present  to  hear  Whitefield, 
and  seemed  not  a  little  affected  with  some  of 
his  discourses.  She  labored  for  the  poor  as 
well  as  the  rich,  relieved  their  wants,  and 
sought  their  happiness  here  and  hereafter. 
Her  liberality  extended  beyond  her  own 
church.  She  had  correspondence  with  Drs. 
Watts  and  Doddridge,  and  with  other  emi- 


74  CONVERSION. 

nent  dissenting  ministers.  She  had  repeated 
interviews  with  the  king  and  queen,  and  was 
regarded  by  them  with  peculiar  favor. 

Lady  Huntington  experienced  no  opposi- 
tion from  her  noble  husband  while  he  lived  ; 
but  subsequent  to  his  death,  and  that  of  the 
most  of  her  children,  she  took  a  more  de- 
cided stand  for  the  gospel.  After  the  sepa- 
ration between  Wesley  and  Whitefield,  she 
attached  herself  to  the  interests  of  the  latter, 
and  became  the  great  patron  and  supporter 
of  the  Calvinistic  Methodists.  She  built 
chapels  for  them,  supported  ministers,  and, 
by  the  aid  of  opulent  persons,  —  many  of 
them  connections  of  her  family,  —  estab- 
lished a  college  at  Travecca  (in  South 
Wales)  for  the  education  of  preachers. 
This  college  was  afterwards  removed  to 
Cheshunt  (Hertfordshire),  where  it  still 
exists. 

Lady  Huntington  died  June  17,  1791,  at 
the  advanced  age  of  eighty-four.  When  the 
blood-vessel  broke  which  was  the  occasion 
of  her  death,  she  said  to  one  of  her  attend^ 


CONVERSION.  75 

ants,  "  I  am  well :  all  is  well,  —  well  forever. 
Wherever  I  turn  my  eyes,  whether  I  live  or 
die,  I  see  nothing  but  victory."  Almost  her 
last  words  were,  "  My  work  is  done  :  I  have 
nothing  now  to  do  but  to  go  to  my  Father." 

WILLIAM    COWPER. 

Most  of  my  readers  are  acquainted  with 
the  early  history  of  this  gifted,  amiable,  but 
often  unhappy  man,  the  author  of  "  The 
Task,"  and  of  some  of  our  sweetest  and 
most  beautiful  hymns.  He  was  constitution- 
ally predisposed  to  melancholy  and  derange- 
ment ;  and  while  under  deep  con^dctions  of 
sin,  especially  the  sin  of  self-murder,  which 
he  had  attempted,  he  fell  into  a  state  of  com 
plete  despair.  He  gives  the  following  ac 
count  of  his  deliverance  from  this  state,  after 
remainino-  in  it  for  several  months  :  — 

"  Having  risen  one  morning,  with  some- 
what of  a  more  cheerful  feehng,  I  repaired 
to  my  room,  where  breakfast  waited  for  me.. 
While  I  sat  at  table,  I  found  the  cloud  of 
horror,  which  had   so  long   hung   over  me, 


76  CONVERSION. 

was  every  moment  passing  away ;  and  every 
moment  came  fraught  with  hope.  I  was 
continually  more  and  more  persuaded  that  I 
was  not  utterly  doomed  to  destruction.  The 
way  of  salvation  was  still,  however,  hid  from 
my  eyes  ;  nor  did  I  see  it  at  all  clearer  than 
before  my  illness.  I  only  thought,  that,  if  it 
pleased  God  to  spare  me,  I  would  lead  a 
better  life  ;  and  that  I  would  yet  escape  hell, . 
if  a  religious  observance  of  my  duty  would 
secure  me  from  it.  Thus  may  the  terror  of 
the  Lord  make  a  Pharisee ;  but  only  the 
sweet  voice  of  mercy  in  the  gospel  can  make  a 
Christian. 

"  But  the  happy  period  which  was  to  shake 
off  my  fetters,  and  afford  me  a  clear  opening 
of  the  free  mercy  of  God  in  Christ  Jesus, 
had  now  arrived.  I  flung  myself  into  a  chair, 
near  the  window,  and,  seeing  a  Bible  there, 
ventured  once  more  to  apply  to  it  for  comfort 
and  instruction.  The  first  verse  I  saAV  was 
the  twenty-fifth  of  the  third  chapter  of  Ro- 
mans :  '  Whom  God  hath  set  forth  to  be  a 
propitiation,  through  faith  in  his   blood,  to 


CONVERSION.  11 

declare  his  righteousness,  for  the  remission  of 
sins  that  are  past,  through  the  forbearance  of 
God, —  to  declare,  I  say,  at  this  time,  his 
righteousness,  that  he  might  be  just,  and  the 
justifier  of  him  which  belie veth  in  Jesus.' 
Immediately  I  received  strength  to  believe  ; 
and  the  full  beams  of  the  Sun  of  Righteous- 
ness shone  upon  me.  I  saw  the  sufficiency 
of  the  atonement  which  Christ  had  made, 
saw  my  pardon  sealed  in  his  blood,  and  all 
the  fulness  and  completeness  of  his  salvation. 
In  a  moment  I  beheved,  and  received  the 
gospel.  And  now,  unless  the  almighty  arm 
had  been  under  me,  I  think  I  should  have 
died  with  gratitude  and  joy.  My  eyes  filled 
with  tears,  and  my  voice  choked  with  trans- 
port :  I  could  only  look  up  to  heaven  with 
silent  fear,  overwhelmed  with  love  and  won- 
der. But  the  work  of  the  Spirit  is  best 
described  in  his  own  words  :  it  is  '  a  joy  un- 
speakable, and  full  of  glory.'     ^ 

"  Thus  was  my  heavenly  Father  in  Christ 
Jesus  pleased  to  give  me  the  full  assurance 
of  faith,  and,  out  of  a  strong,  unbeUeving 


78  CONVERSION. 

heart,  to  raise  up  a  child  unto  Abraham. 
How  glad  should  I  now  have  been  to  have 
spent  every  moment  in  praise  and  thanksgiv- 
ing !  I  lost  no  opportunity  of  repairing  to  a 
throne  of  grace.  I  flew  to  it  with  an  ear- 
nestness irresistible,  and  never  to  be  satisfied. 
Could  I  help  it  ?  Could  I  do  otherwise  than 
love  and  rejoice  in  my  reconciled  Father  in 
Christ  Jesus  ?  The  Lord  had  enlarged  my 
heart ;  and  I  ran  in  the  way  of  his  command- 
ments. 

"  For  many  succeeding  weeks,  tears  were 
ready  to  flow,  if  I  did  but  speak  of  the  gos- 
pel, or  so  much  as  mention  the  name  of 
Jesus.  To  rejoice  day  and  night  was  all  my 
employment.  Too  happy  to  sleep  much,  I 
thought  it  was  lost  time  that  was  spent  in 
slumber.  Oh  that  the  ardor  of  my  first  love 
had  continued !  But  I  have  known  many  a 
lifeless  and  unhallowed  hour  .since,  — long  in- 
tervals of  darkness,  interrupted  by  short 
returns  of  peace  and  joy  in  believing." 

It  will  be '  seen  that  the  conversion  of 
CoAvper,    like    that    of    Lady    Huntington, 


CONVERSION.  79 

began  in  faith.  The  first  holy  exercise  of 
which  he  was  conscious  was  one  of  faith. 
He  had  opened  to  him  the  way  of  salvation 
by  Christ ;  and  instantly  he  embraced  it.  He 
embraced  it  with  all  the  ardor  of  a  despairing 
soul;  and  at  once  he  was  filled  with  an 
almost  insupportable  joy.  Could  he  help  it  ? 
Could  he  do  otherwise  than  rejoice  in  his 
reconciled  Father  in  Christ  Jesus  ? 


SECTION    VIL 

CONVEESION  OF  COL.  JAMES  GaRDLNER  AND  ANDREW  FULLER. 
COL.    JAMES    GARDINER. 

COL.  GARDINER  was  born  on  the  16th 
of  January,  1688,  —  the  year  of  the 
glorious  revolution  which  placed  William 
and  Mary  upon  the  throne.  His  father  was 
a  military  officer,  and  died  young.  His 
mother  was  an  excellent  Christian  lad}^,  who 
did  every  thing  in  her  power  for  the  tempo- 
ral and  spiritual  welfare  of  her  son.  Like 
his  father,  he  was  trained  for  the  army,  and 
actually  held  an  ensign's  commission  when 
only  fourteen  years  old.  His  early  life  was 
one  of  sinful  indulgence,  in  which  he  seemed 
to  take  so  much  delight,  that  he  was  prover- 
bially called   "  the   happy  rake."     Still,  he 


CONVERSION.  81 

was  not  happy.  On  the  contrary,  he  was  so 
miserable,  that  when,  on  one  convivial  occa- 
sion, a  dog  chanced  to  pass  through  the 
room,  he  could  not  forbear  saying  to  him- 
self, "  Oh,  that  I  were  that  dog !  " 

One  evening  in  the  summer  of  1719,  while 
he  was  sitting  up  late  to  meet  a  criminal  ap- 
pointment, he  took  up  a  religious  book  which 
his  mother  had  given  him,  and  began  to  read 
it:  and,  as  he  read,  he  thought  he  saw  a 
blaze  of  light  fall  on  the  book;  and,  hfting 
up  his  eyes  to  see  what  caused  it,  he  beheld 
before  him  an  appearance  of  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ  upon  the  cross,  surrounded  on  all  sides 
with  a  halo  of  glory.  At  the  same  time,  he 
heard  a  voice,  saying,  "  O  sinner !  did  I  suffer 
all  this  for  you?  And  are  these  the  re- 
turns ?  " 

The  probability  is,  that  he  saw  and  heard 
all  this  in  vision,  —  in  a  state  of  partial  sleep  ; 
though  he  seemed  to  himself,  and  constantly 
affirmed,  that  he  was  fully  awake. 

Overwhelmed  with  what  he  saw,  he  sunk 
back  into  his  chair,  and  continued  there,  he 


82  CONVERSION. 

knew  not  how  long,  in  a  state  of  insensibility. 
.When  he  came  to  himself,  the  vision  had  de- 
parted, and  he  saw  it  no  more. 

He  rose  from  his  seat  in  the  greatest  ex- 
citement, and  walked  back  and  forth  in  his 
chamber  till  he  was  ready  to  fall  down  in  his 
agony,  regarding  himself  as  the  vilest  mon- 
ster on  the  face  of  the  earth,  who  had  all  his 
life  been  crucifying,  by  his  sins,  the  Son 
of  God  afresh.  He  had  also  such  a  view 
of  the  goodness  and  glory  of  God  as  led  him 
to  abhor  himself,  and  repent  in  dust  and 
ashes.  He  at  once  gave  judgment  against 
himself,  that  he  was  most  justly  worthy  of 
eternal  damnation.  He  was  astonished  that 
he  had  not  been  struck  dead  in  the  midst  of 
his  wickedness.  Still,  he  did  not  so  much 
suffer  from  the  fear  of  hell,  though  he  ex- 
j)ected  it  would  soon  be  his  portion,  as  from 
a  sense  of  his  horrible  ingratitude  to  the  God 
of  his  life,  and  to  that  blessed  Redeemer  who 
had  been  so  marvellously  set  forth  as  cruci- 
fied before  him.- 

In  this  state  of  mind  he  continued  for  some 


CONVERSION. 


83 


considerable  time,  mourning  over  his  sins,  but 
indulging  no  liope  of  pardon  and  eternal  life: 
Yet  he  seems,  like  Paul,  to  have  been  con- 
verted almost  upon  the  spot:  for  before  he 
left  his  chamber  the  following  day,  as  his 
biographer  (Dr.  Doddridge)  remarks,  "the 
whole  frame  and  disposition  of  his  soul  was 
changed ;  so  that  he  became,  and  continued 
to  the  end  of  Hfe,  an  exemplary  and  devoted 
Christian,  —  the  very  opposite  of  what  he  had 
been  before." 

The  first  exercises  of  this  man's  renewed 
heart  were  those  of  deep  and  thorough  repent- 
ance, — a  godly  sorrow  and  self-loathing  for 
sin.  Of  course,  he  could  not  come  at  once 
into  the  possession  of  that  overwhelming  joy 
which  was  the  experience  of  Cowper.  Still, 
the  conversion  of  the  former  was  no  less  real 
and  satisfactory  than  that  of  the  latter. 

Col.  Gardiner  was  a  brave  Christian  officer, 
who  fell  at  the  battle  of  Preston-Pans,  fight- 
ing for  his  king  against  the  Popish  Pretender, 
on  the  21st  of  September,  1745. 


84  CONVERSION. 

ANDREW   FULLER. 

This  excellent  man  was  born  at  Wicken 
(Cambridgeshire,  England),  in  1754  ;  was  ed- 
ucated among  the  Particular  or  Calvinistic 
Baptists,  and  continued  attached  to  that  de- 
nomination as  long  as  he  lived.  In  his  youth, 
he  had  frequent  convictions  of  sin,  and  fre- 
quent struggles  between  his  inclinations  and 
his  conscience,  between  the  strivings  of  the 
Spirit  and  the  suggestions  of  his  evil  heart. 
He  often  spent  liis  evenings  in  vain  and  sin- 
ful company,  to  which  he  was  strongly 
attached,  and  on  leaving  which  he  was  in 
great  distress.  The  instructions  which  he 
received,  too,  were  not  favorable  to  his  speedy 
conversion.  Instead  of  leading  him  directly 
to  Christ,  they  tended  rather  to  hold  him  in  a 
waiting  posture,  —  waiting  for  the  great  work 
to  be  performed.  Still,  his  impressions  con- 
tinued ;  and  the  Spirit  was  not  grieved  away. 

"  In  the  autumn  of  1769,"  says  he,  "  my 
convictions  returned  upon  me  with  such  con- 
cern  as,    I  trust,   issued  in  my  conversion.^ 


CONVERSION.  85 

One  morning  I  walked  out,  with  an  unusual 
load  of  guilt  upon  my  conscience.  The  re- 
membrance of  my  sins,  the  breach  of  my  vows, 
and  the  shocking  termination  of  my  former 
impressions  and  hopes,  all  uniting  together, 
formed  a  burthen  which  I  knew  not  how  to 
bear.  The  reproaches  of  a  guilty  conscience 
feeemed  like  the  gnawing  worm  of  hell.  The 
very  fire  of  the  bottomless  pit  seemed  to  burn 
within  me.  I  saw  that  God  would  be  per- 
fectly just  in  sending  me  to  hell ;  and  that  to 
hell  I  must  go,  unless  I  were  saved  by  mere 
grace,  and,  as  it  were,  in  spite  of  myself.  I 
felt,  that,  if  God  were  to  forgive  my  past  sins, 
I  should  again  destroy  myself,  and  that  in 
less  than  a  day's  time.  I  continued  crying, 
'  What  must  I  do  ?  What  must  I  do  ?  '  For, 
with  the  instructions  I  had  received,  I  knew 
not  what  to  do.  I  durst  not  promise  amend- 
ment, for  I  saw  that  such  promises  were  a 
delusion ;  and  to  hope  for  forgiveness  in  the 
course  I  was  then  pursuing  was  the  height 
of  presumption  ;  and  to  think  of  Christ,  after 
having  so   often  abused  his  grace,  was  too 


86  CONVERSION. 

much :  so  I  had  no  light,  and  no  refuge.  I 
was  like  a  drowning  man,  looking  every  way 
for  help,  and  catching  at  something  with 
which  to  save  his  life.  In  this  deplorable, 
despairing  state,  I  thought  of  the  resolution 
of  Job  :  '  Though  he  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust 
in  him.'  I  paused,  and  repeated  the  words 
over  and  over ;  and  every  repetition  seemed 
to  Idndle  a  ray  of  hope. 

"  According  to  the  instructions  I  had 
received,  I  supposed  that  no  sinner  had  a 
warrant  to  believe  in  Christ,  but  there  must 
be  some  kind  of  qualification  to  entitle  him 
to  do  so  ;  and  I  was  sure  that  I  had  no  such 
qualification.  I  regarded  my  case  as  re- 
sembling that  of  Esther,  who  went  into  the 
king's  presence  contrary  to  law.,  and  at  the  peril 
of  her  life ;  and  I  resolved  to  do  as  she  did. 
I  felt  something  attracting  me  to  Christ;  and 
I  said,  '  I  must,  I  will,  —  yes,  I  ivilU  trust  my 
lost  soul  to  his  hands ;  and,  if  I  perish,  I 
perish.'  And  here  I  found  rest  for  my 
troubled  spirit.  -  My  heart  felt  at  one  with 
Christ,  and  dead  to  every  other  Object  arOund 
me. 


CONVERSION. 


87 


"From  this  time,  my  former  wicked 
courses  were  all  forsaken.  I  had  no  desire 
for  them.  For  those  evils,  a  glance  at  which 
before  would  have  set  my  passions  in  a 
flame,  I  felt  no  inclination.  In  reference  to 
them,  I  could  now  say,  with  joy  and  tri- 
umph, '  My  soul  is  as  a  weaned  child  ! '  " 

Soon  after  this,  Mr.  Fuller  became  a  mem- 
ber of  the  Baptist  church  in  Soham.  He 
early  commenced  speakmg  and  praying  in 
religious  meetings  ;  and  this  he  did  so  much 
to  the  edification  of  his  brethren,  that,  after 
a  year  or  two,  they  called  and  licensed  him 
to  be  a  preacher  of  the  gospel.  He  lived  to 
be  one  of  the  most  useful  ministers  in  Eng- 
land or  in  the  world.  He  died  peacefully, 
triumphantly,  in  the  spring  of  1815,  at  the 
age  of  sixty-one. 


SECTION    VIII. 

Conversion  of  President  Edwabds  and  David  Bkaineed. 
PRESIDENT   EDWARDS. 

THIS  distinguished  divine  was  the  son  of 
a  minister,  was  religiously  educated, 
was  the  subject  of  frequent,  solemn  impres- 
sions, and  was  regular  in  the  performance  of 
religious  duties,  from  his  childhood.  Soon 
after  leaving  college,  when  about  seventeen 
years  of  age,  he  experienced  a  change  in  his 
affections,  which  he  describes  in  the  follow- 
ing manner :  — 

"  From  my  childhood  up,  my  mind  had 
been  full  of  objections  against  the  doctrine 
of  God's  sovereignty  in  choosing  whom  he 
would  to  eternal  life,  and  leaving  others  to 
perish  in  their  sins.  It  appeared  like  a  hor- 
rible doctrine-  to  me ;  but  I  remember  the 
time  very  well  when   I  became  convinced, 


CONVERSION.  ^^ 

and  fully  satisfied,  as  to  the  sovereignty 
of  God,  and  Ms  justice  in  thus  disposing 
of  men  according  to  his  sovereign  pleas- 
ure. 

"  The  first  instance  that  I  remember  of 
that  inward,  sweet  delight  in  God  and  divine 
things,  in  which  I  have  Hved  much  of  the 
time   since,   was   on    reading    these   words: 
'  Now,  unto  the  King  eternal,  unmortal,  in- 
visible, the  only  wise  God,  be  honor  and  glory 
for  ever  and  ever,  amen.'  As  I  read  the  words, 
there  came  into  my  soul,  and  was  diffused 
through  it,  a  sense  of  the  glory  of  the  divine 
Being,  — a  new  sense,  quite   different  from 
any  thing  I  ever  experienced  before.     Never 
any   words  of    Scripture   seemed   to   me   as 
these  words  did. 

"  From  about  that  time,  I  began  to  have 
new  apprehensions  and  ideas  of  Christ,  and 
the  glorious  way  of  salvation  by  him.  An 
inward  sweet  sense  of  these  things  came  into 
my  heart ;  and  my  soul  was  led  away  in 
pleasant  views  and  contemplations  of  them. 
My  mind  was  much  occupied  in  reading  and 


90  CONVERSION. 

meditating  upon  Christ,  on  the  beauty  and 
excellency  of  his  person,  and  the  lovely  way 
of  salvation,  by  free  grace,  through  him.  I 
found  no  books  so  delightful  to  me  as  those 
that  treated  of  these  subjects.  The  sense 
which  I  had  of  divine  tilings  would  often,  of 
a  sudden,  kindle  up  a  sweet  burning  in  my 
heart,  —  an  ardor  of  soul  that  I  know  not 
how  to  express. 

"  Not  long  after  I  began  to  experience 
these  things,  I  had  a  conversation  with  my 
father  on  the  subject.  I  was  much  affected 
by  the  discourse  ;  and,  when  it  was  ended,  I 
walked  abroad  in  a  solitary  place  for  contem- 
plation. And  while  I  was  there,  looking  up 
on  the  sky  and  clouds,  there  came  into  my 
mind  a  sweet  sense  of  the  glorious  majesty 
and  grace  of  God,  which  I  know  not  how  to 
express.  I  seemed  to  see  them  both  in  a 
sweet  conjunction, — majesty  and  meekness 
joined  together.  It  was  a  sweet  and  gentle 
and  holy  majesty,  and  also  a  majestic  meek- 
ness, an  awful  sweetness,  a  high  and  great 
and  holy  gentleness.  , 


conversion:  91 

"After  this,  my  sense  of  divine  things 
gradually  increased,  and  became  more  and 
more  lively,  and  had  more  of  that  inward 
sweetness.  The  appearance  of  every  thing 
was  altered-  There  seemed  to  be  a  calm, 
sweet  cast  or  appearance  of  divine  glory  in 
almost  every  thing.  God's  excellency,  his 
wisdom,  his  purity,  and  love  seemed  to  shine 
in  every  thing ;  in  the  sun,  moon,  and  stars  ; 
in  the  clouds  and  the  blue  sky ;  in  the  grass, 
flowers,  and  trees ;  in  the  water,  and  in  all 
nature.  I  used  often  to  sit.  and  view  the 
moon  for  a  long  time ;  and,  in  the  day,  I 
spent  much  time  in  viewing  the  cloiJds  and 
sky,  that  I  might  behold  the  glory  of  God  in 
these  things,  in  the  mean  time  singing 
forth,  in  a  low  voice,  my  contemplations  of 
the  Creator  and  Redeemer. 

"  I  had,  then,  great  satisfaction  as  to  my 
good  estate  ;  but  this  did  not  content  me.  I 
had  vehement  longings  of  soul  after  God  and 
Christ,  and  after  more  holiness,  wherewith 
my  heart  seemed  to  be  full,  and  ready  to 
break.     I  often  felt  a  mourning  and  lament- 


92  CONVERSION. 

ing  in  my  heart  that  I  had  not  turned  to 
God  sooner,  and  thus  had  more  time  to 
grow  in  grace.  I  spent  most  of  my  time,  for 
years,  in  thinking  of  divine  things,  often 
walking  alone  in  the  woods  and  sohtary 
places  for  meditation,  soliloquy,  prayer,  and 
converse  with  God ;  and  it  was  my  usual 
manner,  at  such  times,  to  sing  forth  my  con- 
templations. Wherever  I  was,  I  was  almost 
constantly  in  ejaculatory  prayer.  Prayer 
seemed  to  be  as  natural  to  me  as  the  breath 
by  which  the  iaward  burnings  of  my  heart 
had  vent." 

I  have  quoted  the  more  largely  from  the 
early  recorded  experience  of  Pres.  Edwards, 
not  only  that  the  fact  and  form  of  his  con- 
version might  appear,  but  that  my  readers 
might  see  the  foundation  which  was  laid  in 
youth  for  the  subsequent  spiritual  elevation 
and  usefulness  of  this  great  and  good  man. 
His  conversion  commenced  obviously  in  lov'e^ 
—  in  such  new  and  glorious  views  of  the 
character  of  God  as  filled  and  fired  his  soul 
with  love  and  admiration.    '  And  co'mmen- 


CONVERSION.  93 

cing  his  Christian  life  in  such  a  close  walk 
with  God,  in  all  the  exercises  of  love  and 
duty,  it  is  no  wonder  that  God  exalted  him 
among  his  people,  and  made  him  perhaps 
the  most  eminent  teacher  of  divine  things 
which  America  has  known. 

DAVID   BRAINERD. 

Brainerd,  like  Pres.  Edwards,  was  the 
subject  of  religious  impressions  from  his 
early  youth.  He  attended  regularly  to  the 
duties  of  religion  in  public  and  in  private, 
and  earnestly  sought  to  do  something  to 
recommend  himself  to  the  favor  of  heaven; 
but,  being  continually  disappointed  in  at-, 
tempts  of  this  nature,  his  heart  at  length 
broke  out  into  a  violent  and  sensible  quarrel 
with  God.  He  was  displeased  with  the  strict- 
ness of  the  divine  law,  with  the  prescribed 
and  unalterable  conditions  of  salvation, 
and  especially  with  the  doctrine  of  divine 
sovereignty.  After  continuing  in  this  state 
for  some  considerable  time,  seeking  rest  and 
finding  none,  he  was  brought  to  acquiesce  in 


94  CONVERSION. 

those  views  of  God  wHch  he  had  formerly 
opposed,  and  to  rejoice  in  hope  of  his  glory. 
His  conversion,  as  to  the  form  of  it,  was 
strikingly  similar  to  that  of  his  great  teacher 
and  patron,  Pres.  Edwards. 

"  I  was  attempting  to  pray,  but  found  no 
heart  to  engage  in  that  or  any  other  duty. 
My  former  concern,  exercises,  and  religious 
impressions  seemed  to  be  gone.  I  thought 
that  the  Spirit  of  God  had  quite  left  me  ; 
but  still  I  was  not  distressed,  though  discon- 
solate, as  if  there  was  nothing  in  heaven  or 
earth  that  could  make  me  happy.  Having 
thus  been  endeavoring  to  pray,  though  in  a 
very  stupid  and  senseless  manner,  for  near 
half  an  hour,  then,  as  I  was  walking  alone 
in  a  dark,  thick  grove,  an  unspeakable  glory 
seemed  to  open  to  the  view  and  apprehension 
of  my  soul.  I  do  not  mean  any  external 
brightness  ;.  for  I  saw  no  such  thing.  Nor  do  I 
intend  any  imagination  of  a  body  of  light 
somewhere  in  the  third  heavens,  nor  any 
thing  of  that  nature  ;  but  it  was  a  new  in- 
ward apprehension   or  view  that  I  had  of 


CONVERSION.  95 

God,  and  as  I  never  had  before,  nor  ^nj 
thing  which  had  the  least  resemblance  of  it. 
I  stood  still,  I  wondered,  I  admired!  I 
knew  that  I  had  never  before  seen  any  thing 
comparable  to  it  for  excellence  and  beauty. 
It  was  widely  different  from  all  the  concep- 
tions that  I  ever  had  of  God,  or  of  things 
divine.  My  soul  rejoiced  with  joy  unspeaka- 
ble to  see  such  a  God,  such  a  glorious  divine 
Being ;  and  I  was  inwardly  pleased  and  satis- 
fied that  he  should  he.Crod  over  all  forever 
and  ever.  My  soul  was  so  captivated  and 
delighted  with  the  excellence,  loveliness, 
greatness,  and  other  perfections  of  God,  that 
I  was  swallowed  up  in  him,  —  at  least,  to 
that  degree  that  I  had  no  thought,  at  first, 
about  my  own  salvation,  and  scarce  reflected 
that  there  was  such  a  creature  as  myself.  I 
continued  in  this  state  of  inward  joy,  peace, 
and  astonishment  until  near  dark,  without 
any  sensible  abatement ;  and  then  I  began  to 
think  and  examine  what  I  had  seen,  and  felt 
sweetly  composed  in  my  mind  all  the  follow- 
ing evening.     I  felt  myself  in  a  new  world  ; 


96  .  CONVERSION. 

and  every  thing  about  me  appeared  in  a 
different  aspect  from  what  it  had  done.  At 
this  time,  tlie  toay  of  salvation  opened  to  me 
with  such  infinite  wisdom,  suitableness,  and 
excellency,  that  I  wondered  I  should  ever 
think  of  any  other  way.  I  was  amazed  that 
I  had  not  dropped  my  own  contrivances,  and 
complied  with  this  lovely,  blessed,  and  excel- 
lent way  before.  If  I  could  have  been  saved 
by  my  own  duties,  or  in  any  other  way  that 
I  had  formerly  contrived,  my  whole  soul 
would  now  have  refused  it.  I  wondered  that 
all  the  world  did  not  see  and  comply  with 
this  way  of  salvation  by  the  righteousness  of 
Christ.  The  sweet  relish  of  what  I  then  felt 
continued  with  me  for  several  days,  almost 
constantly.  Wherever  I  was,  —  sitting,  walk- 
ing, lying  down,  and  rising  up,  —  I  could  not 
but  sweetly  rejoice  in  God." 

David  Brainerd  died  in  the  thirtieth  year 
of  his  age  ;  but  he  lived  long  enough  to  accom- 
phsh  a  "svork,  and  acquire  an  influence,  which 
will  never  die".  How  many  young  ministers 
have  been  incited  by  his  exainple  to  devote 


CONVERSION.  97 

themselves  to  the  service  of  Christ  among  the 
heathen  !  And  how  many  missionaries  have 
been  sustained  and  encouraged  in  their  ardu- 
ous labors,  by  reading  the  story  of  his  trials 
and  successes  among  the  Indians  at  Kauna- 
meck  and  Crosweeksung ! 


SECTION    IX. 

Conversion  of  Dr.  Hopkins  of  Newport,  and  Dr.  Emmons. 
DR.    HOPKINS    OF    NEWPORT. 

THE  late  Dr.  Samuel  Hopkins  of  New- 
port was  a  self-righteous  and  confident 
professor  of  religion  for  some  time  before  he 
came  to  a  saving  knowledge  of  the  truth.  He 
was  awakened  to  a  deep  sense  of  his  true 
character  and  danger  while  a  member  of 
Yale  College,  through  the  instrumentality  of 
David  Brainerd.  "  After  Brainerd  left  my 
room,"  says  he,  "  to  which  he  had  come  for 
religious  conversation,  the  conviction  fixed 
upon  me  that  I  was  no  Christian.  The  evil 
of  my  heart,  the  hardness  and  unbelief  of 
it,  came  more  and  more  into  view ;  and  the 
evil  case  in  which  I  was  appeared  more  and 
more  dreadful.     I  felt  myself  a  guilty,  justly- 


CONVERSION.  99 

condemned  creature  ;  and  my  hope  of  relief 
by  obtaining  conversion  failed  more  and  more  : 
and,  as  all  help  failed,  my  condition  appeared 
darker  from  day  to  day.     I  felt  myself  to  be 
nothing  but  ignorance,  stupidity,  and  guilt. 
Thus  I  continued  for  some  weeks,  generally 
retired,  except  when  I  attended  private  meet- 
ings of  young  people  for  praise  and  prayer. 
At  length,  as  I  was  one.  evening  in  my  closet, 
eno-ao-ed  in  meditation  and  devotion,  a  new 
and  wonderful  scene  opened  to  my  view.     I 
had  a  sense  of  the  being  and  presence  of  God 
as  I  never  had  before  ;  it  being  more  of  a  re- 
ality, and  more  affecting  and  glorious,  than  I 
had  ever  before  perceived.     And  the  charac- 
ter of  Jesus  Christ,  the  oMediator,  came  into 
view,  and  appeared  such  a  reality  and  so  glo- 
rious, and  the  way  of  salvation  by  him  so 
wise,  important,  and  desirable,  that  I  was  as- 
tonished at  myself  that  I  had  never  seen  these 
things  before,  which  were  so  plain,  pleasing, 
and  wonderful.     I  longed  to  have  all  men  see 
and  know  these  things,  as  they  now  ai3peared 
to  me. 


100  conversion: 

"  I  was  greatly  affected  in  view  of  my  own 
depravity,  —  the  sinfulness,  guilt,  and  odious- 
ness  of  my  character;  and  tears  flowed  in 
great  plenty.  After  some  time,  I  left  my 
closet,  and  went  into  the  adjoining  room. 
No  other  person  being  there,  I  walked  the 
room,  all  intent  upon  these  subjects.  I  took 
up  Watts's  version  of  the  Psalms,  opened  at 
the  fifty-first,  and  read,  with  strong  affection, 
the  first,  second,  and  third  parts,  in  long  me- 
tre. I  made  it  all  my  own  language,  and 
thought  it  was  the  language  of  my  heart  to 
God.  I  dwelt  upon  it  with  pleasure,  and 
wept  much.  And,  when  I  hadiaid  aside  the 
book,  my  mind  continued  fixed  upon  the  sub- 
ject, in  the  exercise  of  devotion,  confession, 
adoration,  petition,  in  which  I  seemed  to  pour 
out  my  heart  with  great  freedom  to  God.  I 
gave  all  attention  to  the  things  of  religion,  in 
which  most  around  me  appeared  to-  be  en- 
gaged. Among  the  students,  there  were 
many  instances  of  conversion ;  and  I  felt  a 
peculiar  pleasing  affection  for  those  who  ap- 
peared to  be  Christians." 


conversion: 


101 


We  have  here  another  instance  of  conver- 
sion, very  like  in  form  to  those  of  Edwards  and 
Brainerd,  —  new  and  glorious  views  of  God, 
accompanied  with  new  affections  of  love, 
admiration,  and  devotion.  After  leaving  col- 
lege, Hopkins  became  a  pupil  of  Edwards, 
and  was  long  a  burning  and  shining  light  in 
our  American  churches. 


DR.    NATHANIEL   EMMONS. 

Dr.  Emmons  was  born  of  pious  parents,  was 
rehgiously  educated,  and  from  childhood  was 
the  subject  of  frequent  solemn  impressions. 
His  life,  too,  was  moral  and  amiable  ;  and  he 
had  a  great  desire  to  be  a  minister  of  Christ, 
though  he  did  not  think  hunself  prepared  for 
the  work.  In  this  state  of  mind,  he  passed 
through  college,  and  even  entered  on  his  pro- 
fessional studies.  "  Still,"  he  says,  "  I  never 
indulged  a  thought  of  preaching,  unless  I  had 
some  good  reason  to  believe  that  I  was  the 
subject  of  a  saving  change  ;  for  I  viewed  a 
graceless    minister   as   a  most    inconsistent, 


102  CONVERSION. 

criminal,  and  odious  character.  Accordingly, 
when  I  began  to  read  divinity,  I  began  a  con- 
stant practice  of  daily  reading  the  Bible,  and 
of  praying  to  God  in  secret.  With  such  res- 
olutions, I  entertained  a  hope  that  God  would 
very  soon  grant  me  his  special  grace,  and  give 
me  satisfactory  evidence  of  this  qualification 
for  the  ministry." 

After  pursuing  this  course  for  a  time,  Dr. 
Emmons  concluded  to  change  his  theological 
teacher,  and  placed  himself  under  the  in- 
struction of  the  late  Dr.  Smalley  of  Berlin, 
Conn.  ''  His  plain  and  instructive  preaching," 
says  the  writer,  "  increased  my  concern,  and 
gave  me  a  more  sensible  conviction  of  the 
plague  of  my  own  heart,  and  of  my  real  oppo- 
sition to  the  way  of  salvation  revealed  in  the 
gospel.  My  heart  rose  against  the  doctrine 
of  divine  sovereignty  ;  and  I  felt  greatly  em- 
barrassed with  respect  to  the .  use  of  means. 
I  read  certain  books  which  convinced  me  that 
the  best  desires  and  prayers  of  sinners  were 
altogether  selfish,  criminal,  and  displeasing  to 
God.     I  knew  not  what  to  do,  nor  where  to 


CONVERSION. 


103 


go  for  relief.     A  deep  sense  of  my  total  de- 
pravity of  heart,  and  of  the  sovereignty  of  God, 
in  having  mercy  on  whom  he  will  have  mer- 
cy, destroyed  my  dependence   on  men  and 
means,  and  made  me  almost  despair  of  ever 
'attaining  salvation,  or   becoming  fit  for  any 
thing  but  the  damnation  of  hell.     But  one 
afternoon,  when  my  hopes  were  gone,  I  had 
a  peculiar  discovery  of  the  divine  perfections, 
and  of  the  way  of  salvation  by  Jesus  Christ, 
which  filled  my  mind  with  a  joy  and  serenity 
to  which  I  had  ever  before  been  a  perfect  stran- 
ger.    This  was  followed  by  a  pecuhar  spirit 
of  benevolence  to  all  my  fellow-men,  whether 
friends  or  foes ;   and  I  was  transported  with 
the  thought  of  the  unspeakable  blessedness 
of  the  day  when  universal  benevolence  should 
prevail  among  all  mankind.     I  felt  a  peculiar 
complacence  in  good  men,  but  thought  they 
were  extremely  stupid,  because  they  did  not 
appear  to  be  more  delighted  with  the  gospel, 
and  more  engaged  to  promote  the  cause  of 
Christ.     I  pitied  the  deplorable  condition  of 
ignorant,  stupid  sinners,  and  thought  I  could 


104  CONVERSION. 

preach  so  plainly  as  to  convince  everybody  of 
the  glory  and  importance  of  the  gospel." 

In  form,  the  conversion  of  Dr.  Emmons 
was  very  like  to  that  of  ■  Pres.  Edwards  and 
Brainerd  and  Dr.  Hopkins.  He  had  new 
views  of  the  perfections  and  character  of 
God,  inducing  a  conscious  love  to  that  char- 
acter, and  benevolence  to  all  mankind. 
About  six  months  after  his  conversion,  Dr. 
Emmons  made  a  public  profession  of  reli- 
gion, and  soon  commenced  the  work  of 
preaching  the  gospel, — a  work  which  he  con- 
tinued with  unprecedented  celebrity  and 
usefulness  for  almost  sixty  years.  He  prob- 
ably wrote  and  delivered  more  good  sermons 
than  any  man  who  has  ever  lived  in  New 
England.  He  voluntarily  retired  from  the 
pulpit  thirteen  years  before  his  death. 


SECTION    X. 

Conversion   of    Samuel    J,    Mills,   Dr.    CoRNELros,  and 
Rev.  Sylvester  Larned. 

SAMUEL   J.    MILLS. 

THE  spiritual  career  of  this  devoted  ser- 
vant of  Christ  and  the  Church  com- 
menced in  the  following  manner:  When 
about  fifteen  years  of  age,  his  attention  was 
specially  directed  to  the  great  concerns  of 
the  soul.  For  two  full  years  he  continued 
in  a  state  of  anxiety,  quarrelling  with  the 
sovereignty  of  God,  and  often  wishing  that 
he  had  never  been  born.  One  morning,  as 
he  was  about  to  leave  home  to  return  to 
school  in  a  neighboring  town,  his  pious 
mother  took  the  opportunity  of  inquiring 
into  the  state  of  his  mind,  and  begged  him 
to  make  an  ingenuous  disclosure  of  his  feel- 
ings.    For   a   moment    he   was    silent,   and 

105 


106  CONVERSION. 

wept ;  but  his  heart  was  too  full  long  to 
suppress  the  emotions  produced  by  so  affect- 
ing a  request.  He  raised  his  head ;  and,  with 
his  eyes  streaming  with  .tears,  he  exclaimed, 
"  Oh  that  I  had  never  been  born  !  Oh  that 
I  had  never  been  born !  For  two  years  I 
have  been  sorry  that  God  ever  made  me." 
What  reply  could  such  a  mother  make  to 
such  a  disclosure  ?  It  was  given  her,  in  that 
same  hour,  Avhat  she  should  speak.  "  My 
son,"  said  she,  "  you  are  born  ;  and  you  can 
never  throw  off  your  existence,  nor  your 
everlasting  accountability  for  all  your  con- 
duct." This  thought  was  like  a  dagger  to 
his  soul.  His  mother  expressed  the  fear  that 
he  had  never  thoroughly  seen. the  evil  of  his 
own  heart ;  to  which  he  replied ;  ''I  have 
seen  to  the  very  bottom  of  hell !  " 

In  this  frame  of  mind,  he  took  a  melan- 
choly leave  of  his  parents  for  the  winter. 
What  took  place  under  his  father's  roof  may 
be  easily  conjectured.  His  farewell  to  his 
mother  drove  her  to  her  knees :  she  felt  his 
sorrows  and  her  own  ;  nor  did  she  leave  her 


CONVERSION.  107 

closet  till  she  found  relief  in  the  confidence 
that  God  would  have  mercy  upon  her  dear 
child.  And  it  ought  to  be  recorded,  that,  on 
that  very  morning,  it  pleased  the  Holy  Ghost 
to  knock  off  the  chains  from  this  unhappy 
prisoner,  and  introduce  him  into  the  liberty 
of  the  sons  of  God.  He  had  not  walked  far 
before  he  had  such  a  view  of  the  perfections 
of  God  that  he  wondered  he  had  never  seen 
their  beauty  and  glory  before.  There  was 
nothing  in  God  now  that  distressed  him. 
He  had  lost  all  his  opposition  to  the  divine 
sovereignty  ;  and  such  were  his  views  of  this 
adorable  perfection,  that  he  could  not  help 
exclaiming,  "  O  glorious  sovereignty  t  O 
glorious  sovereignty  I "  He  retired  a  small 
distance  into  the  woods,  that  he  might  be 
more  at  liberty  to  contemplate  the  character 
of  God,  and  adore  and  extol  his  holy  and 
amiable  sovereignty ;  but  he  here  saw  so 
much  of  God  that  his  mind  was  almost  lost 
in  the  overwhelming  manifestation.  The 
scene  was  altogether  new.  There  was  a 
wonderful  change  either  in  God  or  in  him. 


108  CONVERSION. 

Every  tiling  was  gilded  with  light  and  glory ; 
and  ever  and  anon,  as  he  gazed  at  the  splen- 
dor and  majesty  of  the  divine  character,  he 
would  still  exclaim,  "  O  glorious  sovereign- 
ty! "  His  mind  was  so  constantly  occupied 
in  viewing  the  perfections  of  God,  and  in 
meditating  on  his  word  and  works,  that  for 
weeks  he  hardly  thought  of  himself,  or  made 
the  inquiry  whether  he  was  converted  or  not. 
From  this  time  Mr.  Mills  entered,  with 
the  greatest  earnestness,  upon  the  work  of  his 
new  spiritual  life.  At  Williams  College  and 
at  the  Theological  Seminary,  he  aroused  a 
spirit  among  his  fellow-students  which  led 
to  the  formation  of  the  American  Board  of 
Foreign  Missions.  He  matured  the  plans 
which  resulted  in  the  establishment  of  the 
United  Foreign  Missionary  Society  and  of 
the  American  Bible  Society.  He  did  more 
than  any  other  man  to  promote,  in  its  early 
stages,  the  cause  of  Home  Missions.  And  it 
was  while  he  was  returning  from  a  mission 
of  mercy  to  the  western  coast  of  Africa,  that 
he   was   taken   sick   on   shipboard,  and  was 


CONVERSION.  109 

buried  in  the  sea.  The  beginning  of  all  the 
good  which  he  accomplished  on  earth,  and 
of  the  glory  which  he  now  possesses  in 
heaven,  may  be  traced  to  that  interesting 
morning  when  he  first  bowed  to  the  sover- 
eignty of  God. 

DR.    CORNELIUS. 

It  is  scarcely  necessary  to  say  any  thing 
respecting  the  early  life  and  character  of  the 
late  Dr.  Ehas  Cornehus.  He  was  born  at 
Somers,  N.Y.,  in  1794,  and  entered  Yale 
College  in  1810.  "  During  most  of  his  col- 
lege life,"  says  a  fellow-student,  "  he  was 
certainly  a  very  thoughtless  young  man.  Of 
prepossessing  personal  appearance,  of  a  gen- 
erous, frank,  and  sociable  disposition,  fond 
of  company  and  amusement,  his  society  was 
coveted  by  the  inconsiderate  and  irreligious 
portion  of  the  students.  Among  them  he 
was  a  leader,  though  not  addicted,  so  far  as 
I  know,  to  vicious  practices."  Upon  his  re- 
turn to  college,  at  the  close  of  the  winter 
vacation    of  his    senior  year,   he    appeared 


110  CONVERSION. 

thoughtful  and  solemn.  Says  another  col- 
lege friend,  "  He  early  disclosed  to  me  the 
state  of  his  mind.  There  was  something 
about  him  which  excited,  the  most  lively  in- 
terest in  his  case.  His  convictions  were  un- 
usually deep  and  painful.  Of  the  character 
of  God,  as  a  holy,  righteous  sovereign;  of 
the  purity  of  his  law,  and  of  the  extent  of 
his  requirements  ;  of  the  entire  depravity  of 
his  own  heart,  and  of  the  sinfulness  of  his 
past  life,  —  he  had  very  clear  perceptions  ;  of 
the  truth  of  the  declaration,  '  The  carnal 
mind  is  enmity  against  God,'  he  had  most 
distressing  proof  in  his  own  experience.  He 
saw  that  he  was  in  the  hands  of  God,  who 
was  reasonable  in  his  demands,  and  would  be 
just  in  condemning  the  sinner.  But  his 
heart  rose,  at  times,  in  fearful  rebellion 
against  his  Maker.  Like  the  bullock  un- 
accustomed to  the  yoke,  he .  struggled,  and 
seemed  determined  not  to  submit ;  and  I 
trembled  lest  the  Spirit,  thus  resisted,  would 
be  grieved  away.  His  anguish  of  soul  was 
almost  insupportable." 


CONVERSION.  Ill 

In  the  montli  of  March,  about  six  or 
seven  weeks  after  the  commencement  of  his 
religious  impressions,  he  found  peace  in  sub- 
mission to  God.  "  One  day,"  remarks  a 
fellow-student,  "  he  knocked  at  my  door. 
On  opening  it,  his  countenance  told  me  that 
the  contest  was  over.  The  storm  had  passed 
away ;  and  it  was  the  clear  shining  after  rain. 
.  "He  requested  me  to  walk  with  him.  We 
were  silent  until  we  had  proceeded  some  dis- 
tance from  college.  My  own  emotions  were 
such  that  I  had  no  disposition  to  speak.  He 
was  musing ;  and  the  fire  burned.  When  we 
had  come  to  a  retired  place,  unable  longer  to 
restrain  his  feelings,  he  raised  his  hands,  and 
exclaimed,  'O  sweet  submission,  sweet  sub- 
mission ! '  This  exclamation  he  repeated 
many  times  during  our  walk.  That  he  was 
in  the  hands  of  God  was  his  theme,  and  the 
rejoicing  of  his  heart.  He  expressed  no 
hope  of  pardon,  and  appeared  not  to  think 
of  himself.  The  glorious  Being,  to  whose 
character,  law,  and  government  he  had  felt 
so  much  opposition,  seemed  to   occupy  the 


112  CONVERSION'. 

whole  field  of  vision,  and  to  fill  his  soul  with 
inexpressible  delight." 

Here  clearly  was  a  case  in  which  the  first 
exercises  in  conversion  were  those  of  submis- 
sion to  God.  "  Very  soon  he  began  to  speak 
of  the  plan  of  salvation  through  the  atoning 
sacrifice  of  the  Son  of  God.  It  was  unfolded 
to  him  in  its  glory,  and  excited  his  most 
grateful  admiration.  He  saw  how  God  could 
be  just,  and  justify  him  that  believeth  in 
Jesus.  Pressed  with  a  sense  of  obligation 
to  redeeming  grace,  his  fervent  aspiration 
seemed  to  be  '  Lord,  what  wilt  thou  have  me 
to  do  ? '  The  love  of  Christ,  shed  abroad  in 
his  heart,  immediately  manifested  itself  in 
vigorous,  self-denying  efforts  for  the  conver- 
sion of  his  fellow-men."  At  once,  a  great 
revival  commenced  in  college,  in  which  Cor- 
nelius was  intensely  active. 

After  he  began  to  preach,  we  find  him 
now  a  missionary  among  the  South-western 
Indians  ;  then  laboring,  with  his  friend 
Earned,  at  New  Orleans;  then  for  several 
years  pastor  of  the   Tabernacle   Church   in 


CONVERSION.  113 

Salem ;  then  secretary  and  agent  of  the 
American  Education  Society;  and,  finally, 
vsecretary  of  the  American  Board  of  Com- 
missioners for  Foreign  Missions.  Under  the 
burthen  of  these  successive  and  crushing  re- 
sponsibilities, his  health  failed  him;  and  he 
died,  universally  lamented,  at  the  early  age 
of  thirty-eight. 

REV.    SYLVESTER    EARNED. 

The  cases  of  Dr.  Cornelius  and  Mr.  Larned, 
we  place  together,  because  they  were  very 
like  each  other  in  personal  appearance  and 
natural  temperament :  they  were  both  awak- 
ened and  converted  in  college  ;  and  the  form 
of  conversion  in  both  cases  was  the  same,  — 
submission  to  a  sovereign  Cfod.  And  they 
graduated  the  same  year.  They  were  alike 
distinguished  for  their  oratorical  powers,  and 
in  after  life  were  very  special  friends. 

Mr.  Larned  was  born  in  Pittsfield,  Mass., 
in  1796,  and  graduated  at  Middlebury  Col- 
lege in  1813.     He  was  awakened,  while  in 


114  CONVERSION. 

college,  by  the  death  of  a  young  friend,  who 
was  cut  off  suddenly,  without  leaving  any 
evidence  of  a  preparedness  for  heaven.  Mr. 
Larned  was  led  very  solemnly  to  consider  what 
would  be  his  own  situation,  were  he  sum- 
moned, in  like  manner,  into  the  presence  of 
his  God.  Death  appeared  to  him  very  terri- 
ble. His  sins  were  set  in  order  before  him. 
The  law  of  God  condemned  him ;  and  what 
could  he  do  ?  At  times  he  was  ahnost  fran- 
tic with  despair.  His  opposition  to  God  was 
so  great,  that  he  once  said  to  a  rehgious 
friend,  "  I  feel  that,  if  I  could  with  this  arm 
reach  up,  and  pluck  the  Almighty  from  his 
throne,  I  should  do  it." 

"  After  passing  some  hours,  one  day,  in  his 
room  alone,"  says  a  fellow-student,  "  he  left  it, 
and  went  hastily  into  the  woods.  I  sat  by 
the  window,  and  waited  to  see  him  return ; 
and,  as  he,  came,^  I  saw  that  the  look  of  de- 
spair was  exchanged  for  a  smile.  Coming 
in,  he  exclaimed, '  O  Charles !  I  went  into  the 
woods  to  kill  myself ;  for  I  could  not  endure 


CONVERSION.  11^ 

such  dreadful  despair.  But,  when  I  arrived 
there,  I  thought  I  would  first  make  one  more 
prayer.  I  knelt  down,  though  I  feared  that 
the  trees  would  fall  and  crush  me;  and,  be- 
fore I  rose,  I  found  such  joy  and  peace  as 
cannot  be  described.' " 

Soon  after  this,  he  gave  some  account 
of  his  experience  in  a  rehgious  meeting; 
in  which  he  said,  "How  easy  and  dehght- 
ful  it  is  to  possess  religion,  when  once  you 
submit  to  God!  It  is  as  easy  as  it  -is  to 
breathe.  I  have  no  fears  now,  as  to  my  fu- 
ture state.  I  do  not  think  I  should  be  afraid 
to  die,  should  I  be  struck  with  Hghtning  the 
next  moment." 

After  closing  his  professional  studies  at 
Princeton,  he  made  an  arrangement  with  his 
friend  Cornehus  to  meet  him  in  New  Or- 
leans,, with  a  view  to  a  permanent  settlement 
in  that  city,  should  Providence  open  the 
way.  Accordingly,  he  arrived  there  in  Jan- 
uary,  1818 ;  and  here  he  remained  until  his 
death.     He  died  suddenly  of  yeUow  fever, 


116  CONVERSION. 

on  his  birthday,  at  the  age  of  twenty-four. 
Probably  no  preacher  in  the  United  States 
occupied  a  more  important  station,  or  was 
more  admired  for  a  brilliant  natural  elo- 
quence. 


SECTION  XL 

Miscellaneous   Instances,  illustrating   the   Different 
FoKNis  OF  Conversion. 

THE  cases  described  in  this  section,  al- 
tliough  anonymous,  are  all  of  them 
taken  from  real  life.  They  have  been  se- 
lected from  hundreds  of  well-attested  in- 
stances, which  from  time  to  time  have  been 
published. 

1.  W.  H.,  Esq.,  was  among  the  early  set- 
tlers of  a  town  in  the  western  part  of  Ver- 
mont. He  was  soon  elevated  to  a  post  of 
responsibility,  in  which  he  gave  evidence  of 
fearlessness  and  integrity  in  the  discharge 
of  official  duties.  He  was  never  a  scoffer  at 
religion,  but  was  far  enough  from  possessing 
the  meek,  forgiving  spirit  of  Christ. 

In  the  year  1816,  when  he  was  a  little 
more  than  fifty  years  old,  there  was  a  revival 

117 


118  CONVERSION. 

of  religion  in  the  town  ;  and  he  was  among 
the  first  to  come  forward  and  speak  of  the 
importance  of  becoming  reconciled  to  God. 
He  soon  expressed  a  hope  in  Christ,  but  was 
induced,  after  a  time,  to  relinquish  it,  under 
the  impression  that  it  was  superficial,  and 
had  no  good  foundation.  God  now  opened 
his  eyes  to  see  himself  as  he  had  never  done 
before.  His  sins  rose  up  like  mountains  be- 
fore him,  and  seemed  to  cry  aloud  for  ven- 
geance. He  came  into  a  conference  meeting 
with  a  countenance  betokening  the  deepest 
anguish,  and  exclaimed,  in  tones  that  pierced 
the  heart  of  every  hearer,  "  I  am  lost !  You 
can  do  nothing  for  me  !  But  I  entreat  of 
you  to  take  care  of  yourselves  !  1  am  lost !  " 
He  continued  in  tliis  state  about  three 
weeks  ;  when,  to  use  his  own  language,  "  My 
case  was  as  though  the  noonday  had  burst 
upon  the  gloom  of  midnight.  I  was  filled 
with  light  and  joy  and  love  to  the  character, 
law,  and  salvation  of  God.  Instantly  I 
found  myself  with  both  hands  extended 
towards  heaven,  exclaiming,  '  Glory  to  God 


CONVERSION.  ^  11^ 

in  the  highest!    Glory  be  to    God  ia   the 

highest ! '  " 

From  this  time,  Esquhe  H.  was  a  new 
man  He  was  for  ten  years  a  deacon  in  the 
church,  and  was  an  example  to  aU  believers 
"in  conversation,  in    charity,  in    spirit,    in 

faith,  in  purity." 

2.  Instances  of  conversion  which  begin  in 
pemtence  are  either  not  so  common  as  the 
other  forms,  or  (what  is  more  likely)  they 
are  less  frequently  recorded.  We  find  them, 
however,  occasionaUy  ;  and  the  foUowmg  in- 
stance may  be  taken  as  a  specimen :  — 

During  a  season  of  revival,  Mrs.  M.  was 
resolutely  opposed  to  the  work,  and  treated 
it  with  levity  and  contempt.     Still,  she  could 
not  utterly   shut   out  the   Spirit    from    her 
house  or  her  heart.     She  was  herself  awak- 
ened, and  feU  under  the  most  pungent  con- 
victions of  guilt.     "I  have  been,"  she  said, 
"the  most  ignorant  and  stupid   being   that 
ever  lived.     The   one  thing    needful,  —  the 
care  of  my  soul, -I  have    altogether  neg-- 
lected.    I  have  been  forgetful  of  God  ;   and 


120  CONVERSION, 

the  solemn  realities  of  eternity  I  have  ban- 
ished from  my  mind.  Thus  have  I  been  liv- 
ing all  my  days.  O  my  heart !  my  hard  and 
sinful  heart !  It  is  full  of  every  kind  of  pol- 
lution.    Never  was  there  so  great  a  sinner." 

In  this  state  of  mind  she  continued  for  a 
considerable  time.  At  length,  she  became 
more  calm  and  tranquil,  but  expressed  no 
hope  that  she  had  passed  from  death  unto 
life.  Upon  being  inquired  of  as  to  her  views 
and  exercises,  she  said,  ''  I  appear  to  myself 
to  be  the  most  vile  and  loathsome  of  the  hu- 
man race.  Nothing  in  the  universe  seems  to 
me  so  deformed  and  odious  as  my  sinful 
heart.     I  do   loathe    and    ahhor    myself  for 

sin.     But,  as  mnch  as  I  see  of  the  vileness  of 

• 

my  heart,  I  know  that  God  sees  a  thousand 
times  more  than  I  do.  All  its  lurking  wick- 
edness is  fully  exposed  to  his  view.  And 
yet  I  would  hide  nothing  from  him.  Sin  is 
so  abominable  and  loathsome  in  itself,  it  is 
reasonable  and  right  that  God  should  hold  it 
in  the  greatest-  abhorrence.  It  is  right  that 
God  should  hate  and  abhor  my  wicked 'char- 


CONVERSION.  121 

acter  and  my  wicked  self,  as  one  of  the 
vilest  of  sinners.  I  know  that  God  must  op- 
pose me,  and  set  his  face  against  me ;  and 
nothing  can  be  more  reasonable  than  this.  I 
do  not  wish  it  were  otherwise.  How  can  I 
desire  that  the  all-holy  God  should  approve 
and  love  such  a  miserable,  loathsome  sinner 
as  myseK  ?  God  requires  me  to  hate  every 
evil  and  false  way ;  to  love  him  with  all  my 
heart  and  soul :  and  this  requirement  I  know 
is  reasonable.  I  do  not  wish  it  abated  or  al- 
tered, although  I  know  that  I  am  continually 
exposing  myself  to  everlasting  destruction  for 
my  disobedience.  The  divine  law  condemns 
me,  and  justly  condemns  me  ;  and,  should 
everlasting  destruction  be  my  portion,  God's 
throne  would  be  guiltless,  and  my  mouth 
would  be  stopped !  Oh,  the  dreadful  end  of 
the  ungodly !  And  I  know  not  but  that  end 
will  be  mine.  I  am  in  God's  hand ;  and  he 
will  do  with  me  as  seemeth  him  good.  His 
counsel  shall  stand ;  and  he  will  do  all  his 
pleasure.  It  is  my  duty  to  say,  amen ;  and 
I  think  I  can  say  so.     The  Judge  of  all  the 


122  CONVERSION. 

earth  will  do  right ;  therefore,  let  his  will  he 
done.^'' 

This  woman  was  now,  evidently,  a  con- 
verted person,  though  she  did  not  know  it. 
She  saw  the  odiousness  of  sin.  She  loathed 
and  abhorred  herself  on  account  of  it.  She 
had  ceased  to  quarrel  with  God.  She  took 
his  part  against  herself.  She  felt  that  she 
was  in  God's  hands,  and  was  willing  that  he 
should  do  with  her  as  seemed  to  him  good. 
She  must  have  been  a  child  of  God,  though 
she  had  no  view,  as  yet,  of  his  pardoning 
love  in  Christ,  and  entertained  no  hope  of 
heaven. 

3.  In  the  following  case  of  conversion,  the 
first  holy  affection  seems  to  .  have  been  sub- 
mission  to  God.  Mr.  B.  was  about  thirty- 
five  years  of  age,  and  distinguished  for  good 
sense  and  judgment.  He  at  first  opposed  a 
revival,  which  was  prevailing  in  his  .  native 
town,  and  quarrelled  with  some  of  the  doc- 
trines of  the  gospel.  At  a  religious  meeting 
in  his  house,  he  appeared  indifferent  at  first ; 
but,  before  the  meeting  closed,  he  was   ira; 


CONVERSION.  123 

pressed,  and  came  to  the  resolution  to  lead  a 
better  life.  He  continued  to  attend  meet- 
ings ;  and  his  convictions  increased.  At 
length,  they  became  so  pungent  as  to  unfit 
him  for  labor  and  deprive  him  of  sleep.  A 
sense  of  the  all-seeing  and  all-powerful  God, 
against  whom  he  had  sinned,  and  who,  he 
knew,  must  be  angry  with' him,  made  him 
tremble.  He  resorted  to  meetings,  and  con- 
versed with  his  minister,  but  found  no  relief. 
His  deceitful  heart  would  flee  to  any  thing 
but  to  God,  through  Christ,  for  help.  About 
the  dawn  of  day,  after  a  wretched  and  sleep- 
less night,  he  had  some  new  views  as  to  the 
propriety  of  submitting  unconditionally  to 
God.  He  saw  that  it  was  a  thing  most  suit- 
able and  excellent  that  God  should  reign 
and  do  all  his  pleasure.  His  obstinacy  now 
gave  way.  He  thought  that  he  would  acqui- 
esce in  the  divine  sovereignty,  and  found 
relief;  still,  he  did  not  think  himself  con- 
verted, nor  did  he  indulge  any  hope  of 
heaven. 

In  the  course  of  the  day,  his  darkness  and 


124  CONVERSION. 

distress  returned,  and  were  more  intolerable 
than  ever.  "  Oh,  what  a  Saviour  I  have  re- 
jected !  Eternal  death  is  now  my  portion, 
and  I  cannot  open  my  lips  to  complain." 
With  reflections  such  as  these,  he  walked 
backwards  and  forwards,  wringing  his  hands 
in  agony,  and  saying,  "  Now  is  my  doom  fixed 
and  settled  for  eternity."  At  this  point,  a 
voice  seemed  to  come  to  him,  "  Have  I  not 
done  enough  for  you  ?  And  have  you  not 
stood  out  against  me  long  enough  ?  "  "  Instant- 
ly my  spirit  answered,  '  Yes,  Lord,  oh,  yes,  I 
bow  to  thee  !  I  resign  myself  to  thy  disposal. 
Oh,  take  me,  and  make  me  what  thou  wilt  I '  " 

This  act  of  submission  was  succeeded  by  a 
peace  which  he  had  never  felt  before,  and  of 
which  he  had  no  conception.  He  at  once  set 
up  the  worship  of  God  in  his  family,  and  en- 
tered upon  the  duties  of  a  Christian  life.  His 
perseverance  proved  that  his  hope  was  not  a 
delusion. 

4.  In  the  conversions  which  follow,  the 
change  evidently  commenced  in  faith :  — 

There  was   a  young  lady  in  New  York, 


CONVERSION.  125 

whose  name  was  Mary .  She  was  awak- 
ened, somewhat  convicted,  and  attended  the 
inquiry  meeting  from  week  to  week.  She 
would  assent  to  all  that  was  said  to  her ;  but 
did  not  seem  to  feel  very  deeply,  and  she 
made  no  progress.  Her  pastor  frequently 
called  upon  her,  and  used  all  methods  to 
bring  her  to  a  decision ;  but  in  vain.  One 
day  he  told  her,  at  the  close  of  an  interview : 
"  Mary,  I  can  do  you  no  good.  I  have  said 
to  you  every  thing  that  I  can  think  of  that  is 
appropriate  to  your  case,  and  nothing  seems 
to  move  you.  I  can  do  no  more  for  you." 
The  thought  that  her  pastor  had  pretty  much 
despaired  of  her,  and  was  about  to  give  her 
up,  alarmed  her.  She  felt  more  than  ever  the 
need  of  looking  to  some  other  source  for  help. 
She  went  the  same  evening  to  a  religious 
meeting,  where  the  service  was  commenced 
with  singing  a  hymn  of  Watts,  in  which  is  the 
following  verse :  — 

"  A  guilty,  weak,  and  helpless  worm. 

On  thy  kind  arms  I  fall : 
Be  thou  my  strength  and  righteousness, 

My  Jesus  and  my  all." 


126  CONVERSION. 

The  whole  hymn,  and  especially  these 
words,  aifected  her  so  deeply,  that  she  thought 
of  nothing  else.  They  gave  her  the  first  idea 
of  faith.  She  went  to  her  pastor  the  next 
day,  and  said,  "  When  you  was  reading  that 
hymn  last  night,  I  saw  the  whole  way  of  sal- 
vation for  sinners  perfectly  plain,  and  won- 
dered that  I  had  never  seen  it  before.  I  saw 
that  I  had  nothing  to  do  but  to  trust  in  Christ, 
I  sat  all  the  evening  looking  at  that  hymn :  I 
did  not  hear  your  prayer;  I  did  not  hear 
any  thing  you  said  ;  I  thought  of  nothing  but 
the  hymn.  I  -have  been  thinking  of  it  ever 
since.  The  way  of  life  seems  so  plain  and 
light,  that  it  makes  me  happy  :  — 

'  A  guilty,  weak,  and  helpless  worm, 
On  thy  kind  arms  I  fall.'" 

5.  Mr.  W.  was  exceedingly  distressed  be- 
cause his  wife  proposed  making  a  public  pro- 
fession of  religion.  She  chose  what  she 
thought  the  most  favorable  moment  for  dis- 
closing her  wishes  to  him ;  and  asked  his 
consent  that  she  might  offer  herself  as  a  can- 


CONVERSION.  127 

didate  for  Churcli  privileges.  The  conflict  in 
his  breast  was  such  as  to  forbid  any  reply. 
He  left  her  in  suspense,  and  went  immediate- 
ly out.  He  afterwards  seemed  absorbed  in 
the  deepest  contemplation,  without  communi- 
cating to  any  one  the  burden  which  was  upon 
him.  At  the  time  appointed,  he  carried  his 
wife  to  the  church-meeting,  and  returned  for 
her  at  the  close.  On  the  following  Sabbath, 
she  was  propounded  to  the  church.  Mr.  W. 
was  exceedingly  unhappy.  His  burthen 
seemed  almost  insupportable.  He  found  no 
rest,  in  the  house  or  in  the  field,  by  day  or  by 
night.  He  felt  himself  to  be  a  guilty,  wretch- 
ed man,  without  help  or  hope,  but  in  the 
sovereign  mercy  of  that  Being  against  whom 
he   had   offended.      On  the   bricfht   Sabbath 

o 

morniuGf  when  she  was  to  oive  herself  to  the 
Lord  and  his  people  in  an  everlasting  cove- 
nant, he  arose  very  early,  after  a  night  of 
almost  insupportable  distress.  He  retired  to 
his  barn  to  pray ;  and  there  Christ  was  made 
known  to  him  as  a  suitable,  precious,  and  all- 
sufficient  Saviour.     He   embraced   him  with 


128  CONVERSION. 

his  whole  heart,  and  rejoiced  to  give  himself 
up  entirely  to  him.  The  day  to  which  he  had 
looked  forward,  with  such  anguish  of  spirit, 
was  turned  into  one  of  inexpressible  gladness. 
He  rejoiced  to  see  his  wife  make  an  open  pro- 
fession of  her  faith,  and  only  regretted  that 
he  could  not  accompany  her  in  the  solemn 
transaction.  On  the  next  sacramental  occa- 
sion, he  was  received  to  communion  with  her. 
6.  Mr.  K.  had  been  for  many  years  an  infi- 
del. He  hated  the  Bible,  abhorred  the  name 
of  Jesus,  and  sternly  rejected  the  claims  of 
the  gospel.  His  fears  were  aroused  by  a 
dangerous  sickness ;  and  his '  feelings  were 
somewhat  softened  by  the  kind  attentions  of 
Christian  friends.  He  consented  to  read 
some  of  the  books  which  they  gave  him ;  and 
the  thought  struck  him  with  great  force, 
"  There  must  be  something  in  this  religion." 
He  was  a  long  time  fighting,  his  way  against 
infidel  objections  and  doubts,  but  at  length 
came  to  the  resolution,  that  he  would  do  noth- 
ing else  until  he  had  satisfied  himself  of  the 
truth  of  Christianity,  and  had  complied  with 


CONVERSION.  129 

its  requisitions.  This,  he  supposed,  might 
take  Mm  about  three  days ;  but,  at  the  end  of 
that  time,  he  had  learned  only  his  own  weak- 
ness and  helplessness,  and  his  exposure  to  the 
wrath  of  an  offended  God.'  He  now  began, 
for  the  first  time,  to  pray,  and  even  consented 
to  attend  a  prayer-meeting.  "  The  Christians 
whom  I  saw  there,"  says  he,  "  I  regarded  as 
the  happiest  of  human  beings,  while  I  was 
myself  the  most  miserable.  I  saw  that  I  had 
no  moral  fitness  for  heaven,  and  knew  not  how 
I  could  be  happy  if  admitted  there.  I  saw 
the  justice  of  God  in  consigning  me  to  hell, 
and  knew  not  how  he  could  be  just,  and  save 
me.  I  regarded  myself  as  irretrievably  lost, 
and  given  over  to  despair  and  ruin;  but, 
when  every  other  expedient  failed,  my 
thoughts  turned  to  that  Jesus  whom  I  had 
despised  and  rejected :  and  the  question  arose, 
'  Will  he  yet  save  me  if  I  put  my  trust  in 
him  ?  He  saved  the  dying  thief  on  the  cross  : 
will  he,  can  he,  save  me  ? '  I  resolved  at  once 
to  venture  upon  him ;  and  I  carried  my  reso- 
lution into  effect.   I  came,  in  faith,  to  the  foot 


130  CONVERSION. 

of  the  cross,  and  heartily  and  forever  commit- 
ted myself  to  his  hands.  Immediately  I  felt 
relief ;  and  the  peace  of  God  took  possession 
of  my  soul.  I  was  astonished  to  find  how- 
sweet  the  name  'of  Jesus  was  to  me,  —  that 
name  which  formerly  had  been  my  loathing 
and  abhorrence.  There  seemed  a  perfect 
heaven  in  the  name  of  Jesus ;  and  I  wanted  to 
think  of  nothing  else.  I  loved  to  pray  to 
God  in  the  name  of  Christ,  and  deemed  it 
my  highest  honor  and  privilege  to  be  called  a 
Christian.  I  soon  became  satisfied  that  God 
had  brought  me  out  of  darkness  into  his  mar- 
vellous light,  and  made  me  a  subject  of  re- 
newing grace ;  and  the  experience  of  twenty 
years  has  but  served  to  confirm  me  in  this 
assurance." 

7.  In  the  town  of  M ,  in  the  State  of 

New  York,  lives  a  Mr.  B.,  who  was  once  a 
boisterous  champion  for  the  doctrine  of  uni- 
versal salvation ;  but  being  seized  with  a 
violent  disease,  and  brought  apparently  near 
to  the  reahties  'of  eternity,  he  experienced 
some  painful  misgivings.     With  regard  to  his 


CONVERSION.  131 

favorite  doctrine,  the  inquiry  forced  itself 
upon  him,  "Will  it  bear  the  test?"  It 
seemed  to  him  as  though  all  the  interests  of 
eternity  were  concentrated  on  this  inquiry, 
"  Will  it  bear  the  test?  "  But  the  suspense 
involved  in  this  momentous  inquiry  was  short. 
Conscience  awoke,  and  the  awful  delusion 
fled.  The  wailing  of  the  pit  seemed  too  near 
and  too  well  deserved  to  be  scoffed  at.  A 
conviction  of  his  own  vileness  and  guilt  swept 
away  the  whole  array  of  proofs  which  he  had 
industriously  collected  in  favor  of  Universal- 
ism.  In  anguish  of  spirit,  ke  exclaimed,  "  I 
am  undone  !  I  am  about  to  die  ;  and  an  eter- 
nal hell  must  be  my  portion  !  " 

His  former  associates  said  to  him,  "  Don't 
be  frightened :  God  is  merciful,  and  can't  do 
wrong."  —  "I  know  it,"  he  replied.  "  And 
that  is  what  troubles  me.  His  mercy  I  have 
abused,  and  deserve  nothing  but  wrath.  No  : 
God  cannot  do  wrong.  He  will  not  do  so 
wrong  as  to  let  me  escape.  I  see  no  way  in 
which  I  can  be  saved. "* 

In  this  state   of  mind,  he   remained   two 


132  CONVERSION. 

weeks.  At  length  he  began  to  think  of  the 
atonement^  —  an  atonement  wrought  out  by 
Christ  for  the  chief  of  sinners.  A  gleam  of 
hope  that  possibly  God  ,  might  yet  forgive 
him  through  the  atonement  entered  his  mind. 
He  fastened  upon  it  with  all  the  energy  of 
a  sinking  soul.  He  threw  himself  at  once 
at  the  foot  of  the  cross,  resolving,  if  he  per- 
ished, to  perish  there ;  and  soon  his  troubled 
spirit  found  rest :  he  rejoiced  greatly,  be- 
lieving with  all  his  heart.  From  that  time 
he  began  to  recover,  and  has  ever  since  ex- 
hibited a  faith  and  life  in  consistency  with  the 
doctrine  of  the  cross. 


SECTION  XII. 

Remarks  on  the  Preceding  Narratives. 

THE  cases  of  conversion  above  described 
have  been  selected  from  different  coun- 
tries and  periods,  and  from  persons  of  differ- 
ent ages  and  denominations,  —  the  learned 
and  the  unlearned,  the  aged  and  the  young, 
—  with  the  design  to  show,  not  only  the  fact 
of  this  great  a^jd  needed  change,  but  that 
everywhere,  and  under  all  circumstances,  it 
is  substantially  the  same  thing.  The  necessi- 
ty for  it  lies  in  our  very  nature,  —  the  fallen 
and  corrupted  nature  of  man ;  and  the  renew- 
al of  that  nature  —  the  recovery  of  the  lost 
and  ruined  soul  to  purity,  peace,  and  a 
meetness  for  heaven  —  must  be  in  all  cases  es- 
sentially the  same.  It  is  a  turning  from  the 
broad  to  the  narrow  way,  —  a  change  in  our 

133 


134  CONVERSION. 

internal  exercises  and  affections  from  those 
which  are  sinful  to  those  which  are  holy. 
The  form  of  the  first  holy  affection  may  vary  ; 
and  it  will,  according  to,  the  object  in  view 
of  which  it  is  put  forth.  It  may  be  one  of 
love  or  penitence  or  submission  or  faith. 
But  whatever  its  form,  if  it  be  a  holy  affec- 
tion, the  change  which  it  inaugurates  is  con- 
version ;  and  the  subject  of  it  becomes  a  new 
creature  in  Christ  Jesus*. 

In  all  the  conversions  that  have  been  de- 
scribed, we  see  that  God  works  b^  means.  It 
is  sometimes  said  that  God  could,  if  he  jjleased, 
convert  souls  without  means.  But  is  this 
statement  true  ?  Does  God^ver  convert  sin- 
ners without  means  ?  Is  it  possible  that  he 
should  ?  Can  he  shed  abroad  his  love  in  any 
heart,  and  yet  nothing  be  loved  ?  Must  there 
not  be  an  object  of  love  before  the  mind,  and 
some  reason  or  motive  presented  why  it  should 
be  loved  ?  And  so  of  repentance  or  faith,  or 
any  other  holy  affection.  Persons  cannot  re- 
pent or  believe  .in  view  of  nothing,  and 
when   no   motives   are    presented,  or  m'eans 


CONVERSION.  135 

used,  to  enkindle  and  draw  forth  these  holy 
affections.  To  convert  a  sinner  without 
means  would  be,  to  our  apprehension,  some- 
thing more  than  a  miracle  :  it  would  be  a 
natural  impossibihty. 

The   means  which   God   employs   for  the 
awakening  and  conversion  of  sinners  are,  as 
we  have  seen  in  the  cases  above  cited,  various. 
In  the  case  of  Paul,  a  miracle  was  wrought 
for  this  purpose.     In  the  case  of  Luther,  a 
storm  of  thunder  was  made  the  means  of 
arousing  a  stupid  soul.     Sometimes  it  is  a  fit 
of  sickness,  or  the  death  of  a  friend,  or  (as  in 
the  case   of  Bunyan)   the  conversation  and 
example  of  Christians.    Most  commonly,  how- 
ever, it  is  in  the  written  or  preached  word  of 
God,  —  the  great  and  solemn  truths  of  the 
gospel.     Says  Paul   to   the   Corinthians,  "I 
have  begotten  you  through  the  gospeV     The 
gospel,   when   accompanied  by   the    Spirit's 
power,  is  as  "the  fire  and  the  hammer  to 
break  the  rock  in  pieces."     In  ten  thousand 
instances,  it  has  proved  itseK  to  be  "  mighty, 
through  God,  to  the  pulling  down  of  strong- 
holds." 


136  CONVERSION. 

But,  whatever  means  may  be  employed  in 
bringing  sinners  to  Christ,  the  grand  efficient, 
in  every  case,  is  the  Spirit's  power^  —  a  pow- 
er exerted  through  the  medium  of  our  facul- 
ties, and  in  perfect  consistency  with  those 
mental  processes  and  laws  which  God  has 
himself  established.  Hence,  through  the  en- 
tire change,  the  subject  of  it  feels  no  con- 
straint put  upon  himself.  He  thinks  his  own 
thoughts,  and  exercises  all  his  faculties  with 
perfect  freedom.  It  is  he  that  feels  and  wills 
and  acts.  It  is  he  that  turns  from  his  evil 
ways^  and  commences  walking  in  those  ways 
of  wisdom  which  are  pleasantness,  and  those 
paths  which  are'  peace. 

■  In  nearly  all  the  cases  which  have  been 
given,  we  see  a  preparatory  work  of  the 
Spirit  preceding  the  great  and  decisive 
change.  Ordinarily,  there  is  first  an  awaken- 
ing, then,  conviction,  and  then  conversion ; 
and,  in  most  of  the  conversions  which  took 
place  in  this  country  years  ago,  we  are  struck 
with    the    thordughness    of    the    convictions 

which  were  experienced.     The  subjects  gen- 


CONVERSION.  137 

erally  were  led  to  see  and  to  acknowledge 
the  entire  justice  of  God  in  their  condemna- 
tion :  they  saw  that  they  deserved  eternal 
punishment,  and  felt,  that,  if  it  were  inflicted, 
they  should  have  no  reason  to  complain. 
Now,  this  is  the  proper  measure  of  conviction. 
When  persons  are  brought  to  this  point,  and 
not  before,  conviction  has  had  its  perfect 
work.  It  deserves  consideration,  whether 
this  measure  of  conviction  has  been  com- 
monly reached  in  our  own  times,  and  whether 
this  may  not  be  the  reason  that  conversions 
of  late  have  not  been  more  thorough  and 
satisfactory. 

It  may  be  further  remarked,  that,  in  nearly 
all  the  conversions  which  have  been  de- 
scribed, the  subjects  of  them  could  find  no 
rest  until  they  planted  their  feet  on  the 
ground  of  Ohrisfs  atonement.  The  first 
effort  of  the  awakened  sinner  commonly  is, 
to  reform  his  life,  to  make  himself  better,  to 
work  out  a  righteousness  in  which  to  trust. 
But,  if  the  work  of  the  Spirit  goes  on,  the 
sinner  soon  finds  that  all  such  efforts  are  vain : 


138  CONVERSION. 

he  is  ''  nothing  better,  but  rather  grows 
worse."  His  conviction  and  distress  increase 
upon  him,  until  he  is  ready  to  despair  ;  when 
he  gets  a  view  of  Christ  and  his  atonement, 
and  finds  peace  and  pardon  there.  Bunyan's 
Pilgrim  could  not  be  rid  of  his  burden,  until 
it  rolled  off  at  the  foot  of  the  cross.  Noav, 
this  shows  us  the  vital  necessity  of  the  atone- 
ment, if  we  would  have  joy  and  peace  in 
believing ;  and  this  remark  is  the  more 
important  at  the  present  time,  when  great 
efforts  are  making,  not  merely  by  liberals  and 
infidels,  but  by  some  who  claim  to  be  evan- 
gelical Christians,  to  frame  a  religion  without 
an  atonement,  and  thus  take  away  our  only 
foundation  from  us.  Such  a  religion  will  not 
give  the  despairing  sinner  peace.  Of  such  a 
gospel,  we  may  well  be  afraid. 

A  part  of  the  preparatory  work  of  the 
Spirit  in .  conversion  may  be  called  a  divine 
illumination.  Light  is  poured  in  upon  the 
darkened  soul  of  the  sinner,  enabling  Jiim  to 
see  the  truth  respecting  God  and  himself, 
and  divine  things  generally,  as  he  never  did 


CONVERSION,  139 

before.  The  first  effect  of  this  iUumination 
is  in  awakening  and  conviction  ;  but,  in  the 
nearest  approaches  to  conversion,  it  beconies 
clearer  and  stronger.  Thus,  in  the  conver- 
sion of  Pres.  Edwards,  or  immediately  pre- 
ceding it,  he  says,  "  There  came  into  my 
soul,  and  was,  as  it  were,  diffused  through  it, 
a  sense  of  the  glory  of  the  Divine  Being 
quite  different  from  any  thing  I  ever  expe- 
rienced before."  And  so  Brainerd  says,'* 
"  As  I  was  walking  in  a  dark,  thick  grove, 
an  imspeakable  glory  seemed  to  open  to  the 
view  and  apprehension  of  my  soul.  It  was  a 
new  inward  apprehension  or  view  of  God 
such  as  I  never  had  before."  The  light 
imparted  at  this  stage  of  the  process  of 
change,  as  in  the  preceding  stages,  is  not, 
howaver,  to  be  regarded  as  a  new  revelation 
of  truth:  the  truth  existetl  before,  and  had 
been  revealed  before  ;  but  the  soul  was  not  in 
a  situation  to  appreciate  it,  and  to  feel  its 
power.  Eyes  it  had;  but  they  saw  not. 
Faculties  it  had;  but  they  were  engrossed 
with  other  things. 


140  CONVERSION. 

Perhaps  in  every  case  where  the  first  holy 
affection  is  love  to  God,  it  is  preceded,  as  with 
Edwards  and  Brainerd,  by  new  and  glorious 
views  of  God.  These  constitute  the  object 
of  the  new  affection,  and  the  motive  by  which 
it  is  awakened  and  drawn  forth.  And  so 
the  other  forms  of  conversion  are  preceded 
by  new  and  appropriate  views.  Thus  where 
the  first  holy  affection  is  repentance,  there 
will  be  new  views  of  the  baseness  and  odious- 
ness  of  sin.  Where  the  first  holy  exercise  is 
submission,  there  will  be  new  views  of  the 
excellency  of  God's  government,  and  of  the 
reasonableness  and  propriety  of  its  claims  ; 
and,  where  the  first  holy  exercise  is  faith, 
there  will  be,  as  in  the  case  of  Cowper,  new 
views  of  Christ,  and  of  the  way  of  salvation. 
Still,  there  is  nothing  in  conversion,  either  in 
its  preparatory  stages  or  in  itself,  which  can 
be  called  miraculous.  No  law  of  mental 
operation  is  supervened  or  interrupted.  The 
subject  perceives  and  thinks  and  feels,  and 
turns  freely  unto  the  Lord.  He  makes  to 
himself  a  new  heart  and  a  new  spirit,  and 


conversion:  141 

becomes  an  obedient  subject  of  the  kingdom 
of  Christ. 

I  have  presented,  in  the  foregoing  pages, 
many  instances  of  conversion,  —  the  most  of 
them  pertaining  to  some  of  the  more  eminent 
servants  of  God,  —  because  I  feel  sure  that 
the  reading  of  them  must  be  interesting  and 
improving.  We  might  infer  as  much  as  this 
from  the  fact,  that,  in  the  Book  of  Acts,  the 
story  of  Paul's  conversion  is  recorded  no  less 
than  three  times.  In  the  reading  of  such 
narratives,  we  learn  the  true  nature  of  con- 
version in  the  several  forms  which  it  assumes. 
We  see  the  workings  of  the  human  mind  and 
heart  under  the  strivings  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 
We  learn  the  reality  and  power  of  the  reli- 
gion of  Christ.  We  see  all  this  illustrated  in 
actual  experiment.  The  principal  danger  of 
such  reading  may  be,  perhaps,  that  we  make 
the  experience  of  others  a  standard  for  our- 
selves, feeling  that  our  exercises  must  con- 
form in  every  particular  to  theirs  before  we 
are  entitled  to  hope  in  Christ.  The  Bible, 
we  must  remember,  is  our  only  rule ;  and  we 


142  CONVERSION. 

must  stand  approved  or  condemned,  according 
as  we  conform  to  that.  An  apostle  lias  told 
•us  of  some  who,  "  measuring  themselves  by 
themselves,  and  comparing  themselves  among 
themselves,  are  not  wise." 


SECTION  XII. 

HiNDERANCES    TO   CONVERSION. 

THE  hinderances  in  the  way  of  conversion 
—  those  which  present  themselves  to 
the  awakened  sinner  to  keep  him  away  from 
Christ  —  are  numerous.  We  shall  specify 
but  a  few. 

1.  One  of  the  most  prominent  of  these  is 
pride;  and  this  operates  in  several  ways. 
Under  the  influence  of  pride,  some  persons 
cannot  consent  to  the  humbling,  abasing  con- 
ditions of  the  gospel.  They  cannot  adopt 
the  confession  of  the  prodigal,  "  Father,  we 
have  sinned  against  Heaven  and  before  thee, 
and  are  not  worthy  to  be  called  thy  chil- 
dren." They  cannot  cry  with  the  distressed 
pubHcan,  "  God,  be  merciful  to  me  a  sinner !  " 
They  wish  to  be  saved,  but  cannot  quite  con- 

143 


144  CONVERSION. 

sent  to  receive  salvation  as  the  free  gift  of 
God's  grace.  It  would  be  more  pleasant  to 
them  to  reflect  that  they  had  saved  them- 
selves, or,  at  least,  that  they  had  done  some- 
thing towards  it,  than  to  be  obliged  to  ac- 
knowledge that  they  had  deserved  nothing 
but  destruction,  and  that  their  salvation  was 
the  mere  gift  of  sovereign  mercy. 

Pride  prevents  others  from  Embracing  the 
gospel,  on  account  of  the  disgrace  which  they 
suppose  attached  to  it.  "  What  would  be 
thought  and  said  of  me  if  I  should  become  a 
Christian?  I  should  be  the  derision  of  my 
former  associates  and  friends.  They  would 
daugh  at  me,  and  point  at  me  the  finger  of 
scorn."  Many,  who  have  been  the  subjects 
of  solemn  impressions,  and  were  almost  per- 
suaded to  be  Christians,  have  been  stopped 
precisely  here.  "  Religion,  if  I  embrace  it, 
will  disgrace  me ;  and  therefore  I  put  it  from 
me." 

Pride  of  opinion^  too,  is  often  an  effectual 
hinderance  in  the  way  of  conversion.  Per- 
sons have  long  been  known  as  the  advocates 


CONVERSION.  145 

of  some  heretical  opinion,  some  zsm,  which 
is  palpably  at  variance  with  the  gospel  of 
Christ :  they  have  argued  for  it ;  they  have 
been  identified  with  it ;  they  have  supported 
it,  and  suffered  for  it ;  and  they  feel  as  though 
they  cannot  give  it  up.  And  yet  they  are 
not  quite  satisfied  with  it.  They  fear  it  is  a 
sandy  foundation,  and  are  half-inchned,  at 
times,  to  abandon  it,  and  plant  their  feet  upon 
the  rock  of  the  gospel.  "But  this  will  be  to 
renounce  all  my  old  opinions,  to  contradict 
my  past  professions,  to  pass  a  censure  upon 
m}^  whole  course  of  life.  And  how  can  I  do 
this  ?  No :  I  am  committed  for  weal  or  for 
woe  ;  and,  true  or  false,  I  must  flounder  on,  as 
I  have  done,  and  meet  the  consequences." 
There  can  be  no  doubt  that  many  awakened 
persons  have  been  kept  out  of  the  kingdom 
of  Christ  in  the  way  here  pointed  out.  Pride 
of  opinion  has  shut  the  door  against  them,  and 
they  are  excluded. 

2.  Inquiring  souls  very  often  fail  of  con- 
version through  the  strong  and  multiform 
influence  of  the  ivorld.     The  love  of  wealth 

10 


146  CONVERSION. 

keeps  many  back  from  Christ.  They  think 
well  of  religion,  and  would  be  glad,  on  many 
accounts,  to  possess  it :  but  they  have  made 
up  their  minds  to  be  rich,  have  formed  their 
plans  accordingly;  and  they  are  sure  that 
religion  —  strict,  personal,  heart  religion  — 
would  break  in  upon  their  plans,  and  might 
defeat  them  altogether.  Here  is  a  man,  we 
will  suppose,  who  is  pursuing  wealth  in  some 
unlawful  calling,  as  John  Newton  was  when 
engaged  in  the  slave-trade,  or'  as  thousands 
now  are  in  the  sale  of  intoxicating  liquors. 
Or  here  is  a  man  engaged  in  a  lawful  busi- 
ness ;  but,  in  order  to  increase  his  gains,  he 
is  pursuing  it  unlawfully,  —  he  is  pursuing 
it,  it  may  be,  in  the  practice  of  fraud,  or 
in  violation  of  the  sabbath,  or  he  is  pursuing 
it  so  absorbingly  as  to  leave  him  no  time  or 
heart  for  the  duties  of  religion.  Now,  all  of 
these  different  characters  know,  or  may  know, 
that  their  courses  of  life  are  wrong.  They 
often  feel  painfully  that  they  are  wrong. 
They  are  not  -satisfied  with  them.  Their 
own  hearts  condemn  them;   and  God,   they 


CONVERSION.  147 

know,  "  is  greater  than  their  heart,  and 
knoweth  all  things."  They  are  almost  per- 
suaded, at  times,  to  forsake  their  present 
courses,  make  peace  with  their  consciences, 
and  press  into  the  kingdom  of  Christ ;  but 
their  worldly  interests  are  all  puUing  the 
other  way.  If  they  become  Christians,  it 
must  be  at  a  great  sacrifice ;  and  they  cannot 
make  it.  They  love  the  treasures  of  earth, 
and  ivill  have  them^  even  though  the  riches 
of  heaven  are  forfeited. 

Others  are  kept  back  from  conversion  by 
the  claims  of  worldly  ambition.  Popularity, 
promotion,  to  climb  the  steeps  of  worldly 
honor  and  power,  this  is  the  ruling  passion 
of  their  souls.  They  believe  religion  is  a 
reality ;  they  believe  it  is  important,  and  im- 
portant for  them  ;  they  feel  their  need  of  it, 
especially  under  trials,  and  are  almost  per- 
suaded, at  times,  to  embrace  it.  "  But,  if  I 
renounce  the  world,  the  world  will  renounce 
me.  If  I  become  a  Christian,  my  prospects 
of  worldly  honor  and  promotion  are  defeated  ; 
and  I  cannot  make  the  sacrifice.     Those  who 


148  CONVERSION. 

choose  the  honor  which  cometh  from  God 
may  have  it :  my  heart  is  set  upon  that  honor 
which  cometh  from  man." 

Many  persons,  when  pressed  on  the  subject 
of  religion,  are  kept  from  it  by  their  love  of 
sinful  pleasures.  This  is  frequently  the  case 
with  the  young.  They  are  attached  to  the 
pleasures  and  amusements  of  the  world: 
their  hearts  are  set  upon  them ;  and  they  can- 
not give  them  up,  as  they  feel  that  they 
should  be  constrained  to  do,  were  they  to  be- 
come Christians. 

Worldly  connections  and  associates  often 
have  influence  with  young  inquirers,  and  in- 
crease the  difficulty  of  their  conversion.  They 
could  consent  to  go  to  Cluist  if  their  com- 
panions would  go  with  them  ;  but  to  come 
out,  and  be  separate,  and  stand  up  for  God 
alone,  involves  a  cross  which  they  have  no 
strength  to  bear.  They  conclude,  therefore, 
in  opposition  to  their  better  judgment,  —  In 
opposition  to  the  voice  of  reason,  of  con- 
science, and  of  God,  —  they  conclude  to  fol- 
low a  multitude   to   do   evil,   and  risk   the 


CONVERSION.  149 

consequences.  To  please  their  companions 
in  sin,  tliey  consent  to  throw  away  their 
souls. 

3.  Conversion  is  often  delayed,  if  not 
finally  prevented,  by  mistaken  views  as  to  the 
nature  of  it.  Persons  are  looking  and  wait- 
ing for  some  kind  of  change  which  they  have 
no  reason  to  expect,  and  which,  if  experienced, 
would  do  them  no  good,  while  they  put  off 
that  vital  spiritual  transformation  without 
which  they  cannot  enter  heaven.  I  once 
heard  two  educated  men,  professional  men, 
who  were  past  the  middle  of  life,  and  had  been 
brought  up  under  the  gospel,  relate  their  reli- 
gious experience.  Both  hoped  that  they  had 
been  recently  converted ;  and  they  gave  as  a 
reason  why  they  had  neglected  rehgion  so 
long,  that  they  had  entirely  misapprehended 
the  nature  of  conversion.  One  said  that  he 
had  always  supposed  conversion  to  be  some- 
thing like  a  shock  of  electricity,  —  something 
that  would  dart  through  a  man  like  lightning, 
and  be  as  palpable  to  the  sense,  and  leave  no 
uncertainty  afterwards  whether  he  was  con- 


150  CONVERSION. 

verted  or  not.  The  other  was  less  explicit  in 
his  statement.  At  any  rate,  he  had  always 
considered  conversion  as  a  thing  entirely 
beyond  his  power,  and  in  regard  to  which  he 
had  no  responsibility.  He  believed  that 
there  was  such  a  change,  that  it  was  an 
important  one  ;  and  he  had  long  been  hoping 
that  he  might,  at  some  time,  experience  it. 
But  it  did  not  come  ;  and  he  felt  under  no 
particular  obligation  in  regard  to  it.  Now,  it 
is  to  be  feared  that  the  views  here  expressed 
are  pretty  common  among  the  impenitent. 
And  they  account  for  the  fact  that  so  many 
of  this  class  are  not  sooner  awakened,  —  that 
they  can  hear  the  gospel  from  year  to  year, 
and  still  remain  indifferent  and  unconverted. 

4.  The  conversion  of  awakened,  convicted 
sinners  is  often  delayed,  if  not  prevented,  by 
the  unscriptural  advice  of  religious  friends. 
This  point  may  be  illustrated  by  examples. 
An  excellent  minister,  now  deceased,  de- 
scribes the  following  case  :  "  A  young 
woman  of  my  congregation,  of  a  yielding, 
amiable  disposition,  became  alarmed   at/  her 


CONVERSION.  151 

situation,  and  set  herself  to  seek  the  Lord. 
I  visited  her,  and  conversed  with  her  repeat- 
edly. Her  seriousness  became  more  and 
more  deep.  I  left  her  one  day  with  a  strong 
expectation,  that,  the  next  time  I  should  see 
her,  she  would  be  at  peace  with  God.  The 
next  time  I  saw  her,  her  appearance  was 
changed.  Her  anxieties  were  evidently 
diminished.  She  met  me  with  a  smile  that 
surprised  and  pained  me.  I  said,  '  Have  you 
given  your  heart  to  Christ,  Mary  ? '  '  Oh,  no  I 
not  yet,'  she  replied ;  '  but  I  do  not  feel  so 
bad  as  I  did.' — '  Why  not  ?  '  said  I :  'what 
reason  have  you  to  feel  any  better  ?  '  —  'I 
don't  know  as  you  will  think  I  have  any 
reason ;  but  I  hope  I  shall  be  a  Christian  by 
and  by.  I  don't  feel  in  so  much  haste  as  I 
did ;  and  the  sinfulness  of  my  heart  does  not 
trouble  me  so  much.'  —  '  My  dear  Mary,'  said 
I,  with  astonishment  and  pain,  '  how  is  this  ? 
I  expected  different  things.  Evidently  your 
seriousness  is  diminished.  You  care  less  for 
your  salvation  than,  you  did.  What  has 
altered  your   feehngs  since  I  saw   you  ? '  — 


152  CONVERSION. 

'  Why,  when  you  left  me  the  last  time,  and 
told  me  to  repent  that  very  day,  I  was 
dreadfully  troubled.  I  felt  that  my  heart 
was  opposed  to  God  ;  and  I  was  afraid  to 
think  of  living  without  Christ  another  hour. 
Your  last  words,  to-day^  to-day^  kept  ringing 
in  my  ears :  I  could  not  get  rid  of  them. 
But,  pretty  soon.  Miss  S.  came  in;  and  I  told 
her  how  I  felt.  But  she  told  me  not  to  be 
discouraged  ;  only  keep  on  seeking  the  Lord. 
She  said  I  was  doing  well ;  and,  if  I  perse- 
vered, I  should  soon  get  rehgion.'  —  'And  you 
believed  her,  did  you  ?  '  —  '  Yes,  I  believed 
her ;  and  I  have  felt  better  ever  since.'  — '  Felt 
better,  Mary  ?  Why,  she  told  you  an  un- 
truth ;  and  you  are  miserably  deceived  !  How 
can  you  feel  better,  while  you  are  rejecting 
Christ,  and  exposed  every  moment  to  perish 
forever  ? ' 

"  I  did  my  best  to  arouse  her ;  but  it  was 
all  in  vain.  Her  anxieties  departed:  she' 
ceased  to  pray ;  and,  in  a  few  days,  she  was 
as  careless  and  wgrldly  as  ever." 

A  similar  case,  though  not  terminating  so 


CONVERSION.  153 

painfully,  once  fell  under  my  own  observa- 
tion.    In  a  revival  of  religion  in  the  town  of 

C ,   several  young   ladies   of  about  the 

same  age  were  awakened,  and  attended  the 
inquiry-meeting  together.  In  a  short  time, 
they  were  all  hopefully  converted,  save  one. 
This  one  appeared  as  well  as  either  of  them 
at  first ;  and  I  confidently  expected  to  find  her 
soon  rejoicing  in  hope.  But,  to  my  surprise, 
she  seemed  to  make  no  progress.  Her 
anxieties  became  no  greater :  her  convictions 
no  deeper,  but  rather  the  reverse.  I  became 
alarmed  for  her,  and  sought  a  private  inter- 
view. I  learned  that  she  slept  with  a  pious 
aunt,  a  member  of  the  church,  who  used  to 
talk  with  her  when  in  bed.  Her  aunt  told 
her  that  she  must  not  be  so  distressed  about 
herself;  that  she  was  doing  well:  the 
spirit  was  striving  with  her,  and  that  she  did 
not  doubt  that  she  would  be  soon  converted. 
"  Now,  aunt's  conversation,"  said  the  young 
lady,  '-'•  always  comforts  me  ;  but,  somehow  or 
other,  yours  distresses  me." 

I  gave  the  young  lady  the  best  advice  I 


154  CONVERSION. 

could,  and  lost  no  opportunity  of  seeing  her 
aunt.  I  told  her  what  her  niece  had  said. 
"  And  now,"  said  I,  "  if  you  do  not  wish  to 
ruin  your  niece  forever,  you  must  stop  talk- 
ing to  her  after  this  manner.  The  Holy 
Spirit  is  striving  with  her,  to  bring  her  to  an 
immediate  submission  and  repentance.  The 
Spirit  is  ringing  in  her  ears,  '  Behold,  npw  is 
the  accepted  time  !  behold,  now  is  the  day  of 
salvation  ! '  But  you  are  encouraging  her  to 
put  the  matter  off.  '  Don't  be  discouraged  : 
you  will  soon  feel  better.  The  Spirit  is  striv- 
ing ;  and  you  must  wait  God's  time.'  " 

The  course  which  I  took  in  the  case  was 
successful.  The  aunt  learned  a  lesson  which 
she  had  not  known  before ;  and  the  niece  was 
soon  rejoicing  in  a  Saviour's  love. 

5.  Conversions  are  often  hindered  by  an 
unwillingness  on  the  part  of  the  subject  to 
renounce  some  darling  sin,  or  to  perform  some 
acknowledged  Christian  duty.  How  often, 
for  example,  are  awakened  persons  kept  out 
of  the  kingdom  of  Christ,  because  they  can- 
not consent  to  pray  in  their  families ;  or  to  go 


CONVERSION.  155 

to  a  neighbor  whom  they  have  mjured,  and 
ask  his  forgiveness ;  or  to  attend  an  inquiry- 
meeting,  and  let  their  feelings  be  known  ! 

There  is,  in  the  case  of  almost  every  per- 
son, a  sin  which  most  easily  besets  him,  and 
which  will  be  the  most  likely  to  work  his  ruin. 
It  is  that  to  which  he  is  most  strongly  tempt- 
ed ;  that  into  which  he  most  frequently  falls  ; 
that  which  is  hkely  to  live  longest,  and  die 
last,  in  his  soul.  Many  persons,  when  awak- 
ened and  impressed,  find  this  particular  sin 
too  strong  for  them.  They  can  give  up  scores 
of  other  things  ;  but  the  right  hand  they  can- 
not consent  to  cut  off,  the  right  eye  they 
cannot  pluck  out.  The  chain  of  the  destroy- 
er is  so  closely  fastened  upon  them,  at  this 
point,  that  they  cannot  break  it ;  and  it  drags 
them  downward  to  perdition. 

A  young  lady  of  my  acquaintance  had 
been  for  some  time  anxious,  but  made  no 
progress,  and  seemed  likely  to  relapse  into  a 
state  of  indifference.  In  conversation  with 
her  one  evening,  I  asked  her  whether  there 
was  not  some   sin  which  she  had  not  re- 


156  •  CONVERSION. 

nounced,  and  was  not  willing  to  renounce; 
whether  she  was  really  willing  to  give  up  all 
for  Christ.  I  urged  her  to  press  this  inquiry 
upon  her  conscience  and, heart,  and  learn  the 
result.  The  next  morning,  she  came  to  me 
with  a  radiant  countenance,  and  told  me  that 
the  controversy  was  all  over.  "  I  have  been 
a  great  lover,"  said  she,  "  as  you  know,  of 
fashionable  amusements.  I  have  hoped  that 
they  might,  somehow,  be  reconciled  with  a 
life  of  religion ;  at  any  rate,  I  was  not  will- 
ing to  give  them  up.  But  the  controversy  is 
over  now :  the  last  cord  that  bound  me 
down  to  sin  and  the  world  is  severed  ;  and  my 
soul  is  at  liberty.  The  snare  of  the  fowler  is 
broken ;  and  I  am  escaped."  From  that  day 
she  became  a  haj^py  Christian,  and  still  lives 
rejoicing  in  the  Lord. 

6.  Many  persons,  when  the  necessity  of 
conversion  is  urged  upon  thern,  are  kept  back 
by  a  procrastinating  Spirit.  They  cannot 
think  of  finally  rejecting  religion,  —  of  put- 
ting it  from  them,  to  be  thought  of  no  more. 
But  they  are  easily  persuaded  to  delay  it  for 


CONVERSION.  157 

a  season.  They  see  no  particular  reason  for 
haste.  They  flatter  themselves  that  they 
have  a  good  while  to  live.  God  is  merciful, 
and  will  grant  them  further  opportunities. 
Others,  they  know,  have  delayed  too  long ; 
but  this,  they  are  resolved,  shall  not  be  the 
case  with  them.  Others  have  broken  their 
promises  of  future  amendment ;  but  the}^  in- 
tend to  keep  then^s :  and  so  they  flatter  and 
quiet  themselves  in  sin.  They  ease,  for  the 
time,  their  troubled  consciences,  and  in  most 
cases  ease  them  finally  and  forever.  Very 
few  who  settle  down  on  this  foundation  ever 
awake  from  it  on  earth.  They  continue  to 
flatter  and  promise  and  delay  till  the  limit  of 
mercy  is  passed,  and  they  are  gone  forever. 

7.  I  mention  but  another  hinderance  in  the 
way  of  conversion,  and  this  is  the  indulgence 
of  an  unfounded  hope;  and  this,  it  may  be 
feared,  is  no  uncommon  case.  The  subject 
of  it  is  deceived  respecting  himself.  He 
thinks  himself  to  be  something,  when  he  is 
nothing.  He  has  a  name  to  live  when  he  is 
dead.     The  grounds  of  a  fallacious  hope  are 


158  CONVERSION. 

many,  — too  many  to  be  specified  here.  Yet 
when  a  person  has  settled  down  upon  any  one 
of  them,  and  feels  secure,  he  is  in  a  situation 
where  the  arrows  of  truth  will  not  be  likely 
to  affect  him,  where  the  sword  of  the  Spirit 
wiir  scarcely  come.  The  delusion,  it  may  be 
feared,  will  continue  until  life  and  hope  are 
gone. 


SECTION  XIII. 

The  Importance  of  Conversion. 

HAVING  explained  the  nature  of  con- 
version, and  illustrated  it  by  examples 
taken  from  real  life,  it  remains  that  we  urge 
some  considerations,  setting  forth  its  high  im- 
portance. With  God's  blessing,  we  hope  to 
induce  every  impenitent  reader  to  attend  to 
the  subject  without  delay. 

1.  My  first  argument  for  the  importance  of 
the  change  in  question,  will  be  drawn  from  its 
reasonableness.  It  is  a  perfectly  reasonable 
chancre.  It  is  so  in  all  the  forms  which  it 
ever  assumes.  Conversion  sometimes  com- 
mences in  the  love  of  Grod ;  and  is  not  this 
reasonable  ?  What  can  be  more  reasonable 
than  to  love  a  Being  who  is  infinitely  lovely, 
whose  character  combines  in  perfection  ev- 

159 


160  CONVERSION. 

ery  amiable  and  attractive  quality  ?  We  are 
also  to  regard  God  as  our  greatest,  kindest 
benefactor ;  and  shall  we  not  love  him  for 
what  he  has  done  for  us  ?  Shall  we  not  re- 
turn to  him  the  grateful  affections  of  our 
souls  ? 

Conversion  is  often  the  beginning  of  repent- 
ance^—  of  holy,  godly  sorrow  for  sin.  And 
what  can  be  more  reasonable  than  sorrow  for 
a  fault  ?  The  merest  child  knows,  when  he 
has  done  wrong,  that  he  ought  to  be  sorry 
for  it.  If  a  neighbor  has  injuriously  treated 
any  of  us,  we  think  that  he  ought  to  be  sorry, 
and  to  make  all  the  reparation  in  his  power  ; 
and  we  think  right.  Now,  every  sin  is  in- 
juriously treating  the  Supreme  Being.  It  is 
a  fault  committed  directly  against  God ;  and 
no  words  can  make  it  plainer  than  it  is  on  the 
bare  mention  of  it,  that  godly  sorrow  for  sin 
—  that  sorrow  which  worketh  repentance 
unto  life  —  is  perfectly  reasonable. 

I  have  said  that  conversion  is  often  the  be- 
ginning of  holy  submission  to  Qod.  And  is 
not  this  a  reasonable  duty?  -  God   certainly 


CONVERSION.  161 

has  a  right  to  rule  and  reign  over  us.  He 
made  us  from  nothing.  He  is  the  Author  and 
Bestower  of  all  our  blessings.  We  are  abso- 
lutely Ms  ;  and  he  has  a  right  to  give  us  laws, 
and  to  dispose  of  us  according  to  his  pleasure. 
And  for  us  to  refuse  submission  is  to  resist, 
at  every  step,  what  is  reasonable  and  riglit. 
We  are  to  reflect,  too,  that  the  government 
of  God  is  not  only  rightful  and  legitimate,  but 
it  is  infinitely  ivise  and  good.  The  ends  at 
which  it  aims  are  the  noblest  possible  ;  and 
the  means  by  which  it  proposes  to  secure 
these  ends  are  the  best  that  can  be  conceived. 
It  is  the  height  of  wickedness,  therefore,  to 
resist  such  a  government.  It  is  the  perfection 
of  reason  to  submit  to  it,  and  rejoice  in  it. 

Conversion,  in  many  cases,  is  the  beginning 
oi  faith,  — true  faith  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ ; 
and,  in  this  view,  it  is  perfectly  reasonable. 
What  are  the  facts  in  the  case  ?  Here  is  the 
sinner,  oppressed  with  guilt,  condemned  by 
the  law,  with  no  means  of  help  or  deliverance 
in  his  power,  and  with  nothing  in  prospect 
but  "  indignation  and  wrath,  tribulation  and 
11 


162  CONVERSION. 

anguish,"  and  that  forever.  And  here  is  the 
great  Saviour,  with  extended  arms,  able  to 
save  him,  willing  to  save  him,  inviting  him  to 
come  and  receive  salvatipn  as  the  gift  of  his 
love.  And  now  is  it  not  reasonable  that  the 
sinner  should  listen  and  comply?  Is  it  not 
of  all  things  most  reasonable  that  he  should 
come  to  Christ,  and  embrace  him,  as  the 
wretched  Cowper  did,  and  rejoice  in  the  ful- 
ness, of  his  salvation  ? 

In  every  view  that  can  be  taken  of  the  sub- 
ject, we  see  that  the  conversion  of  the  heart 
from  sin  and  Satan  unto  God  is  a  most 
reasonable  service.  I  urge  it,  because  it  is  a 
reasonable  service.  It  is  one,  I  know,  which 
reason  and  conscieace,  not  less  than  the  Word 
of  God,  demand. 

2.  I  urge,  secondly,  in  favor  of  conversion, 
that  it  is  followed  by  the  best  present  results. 
It  saves  from  much  misery,  and  confers  much 
happiness,  in  the  present  life.  Let  us  consid- 
er, briefly,  some  of  those  prolific  sources  of 
unhappiness  which  are  wide  open  to  us  while 
living  in  sin,  and  from  which  nothing  but 
conversion  can  deliver  us. 


CONVERSION.  163 

One  of  these  is  the  stings  and  reproaches 
of  conscience.  Every  sinner  has  a  conscience, 
which,  however  seared  and  stifled,  will,  at 
times,  reproach  and  distress  him.  It  will 
tell  him  of  neglected  duties  and  violated  obli- 
gations, of  mercies  abused  and  guilt  incurred. 
It  will  summon  him,  at  times,  to  a  solemn 
reckoning,  and  warn  him  of  the  awful  retri- 
bution that  awaits  him.  The  mental  agonies 
which  are  endured  from  the  stings  and  re- 
proaches of  conscience  are  often  very  great : 
they  are  enough  to  imbitter  the  whole  cup 
of  life.  And  there  is  no  way  in  which  these 
miseries  can  be  assuaged  but  by  conversion. 
Let  the  sinner  turn  from  his  evil  ways,  and 
enter  on  the  possession  and  practice  of  holi- 
ness, and  that  same  conscience  which  before 
was  a  terror  and  a  trouble  to  him  will  be 
henceforth  his  most  complacent  associate: 
it  wiU  whisper  peace  to  his  pained  heart,  and 
bless  him  mth  its  approving  smiles. 

Another  source  of  unhappiness  to  the 
sinner,  while  Hvmg  in  indulged  sin,  grows 
out  of  that  war  with  himself,  that   inward 


1C4  CONVERSION. 

struggle  and  conflict^  to  which  he  is  perpetu- 
ally subject.  This  is  a  conflict  between  the 
different  parts  of  his  own  moral  nature, 
which  the  practice  of  sin  has  set  at  variance, 
and  which  nothing  but  conversion  can  ever 
harmonize.  In  his  present  state,  reason 
dictates  one  thing  to  the  sinner,  and  he  pur- 
sues another.  Conscience  points  him  in  one 
direction,  and  he  follows  another.  His 
better  judgment  whispers,  "  This  is  the  way : 
walk  ye  in  it ; "  but  his  rebellious  heart 
refuses  to  obey.  And  in  this  interminable 
conflict  between  reason  and  inclination,  con- 
science and  will,  the  better  judgmenb  and  an 
unyielding  heart,  his  soul  is  continually  dis- 
turbed and  agitated:  it  is  rendered  "like 
the  troubled  sea,  when  it  cannot  rest,  whose 
waters  cast  up  mire  and  dirt."  When  the 
sinner  turns  from  his  evil  ways,  and  never 
before,  thi^  war  in  the  bosom  ceases.  .  In  the 
moment  of  conversion,  the  heart  jnelds,  the 
will  bows,  and  the  nobler  principles  of  the 
soul  become  predominant.  Thenceforward, 
and  never  before,  are  they  listened  to  and 
obeyed. 


CONVERSION.  165 

Still  another  source  of  unhappiness  to  the 
sinner  consists  in  a  continual  and  painful 
sense  of  unpreparedness  to  meet  God  in  his 
providential  dispensations.  Much  as  the  sinner 
is  unreconciled  to  God,  he  knows  that  he  is 
in  his  sovereign  hands,  to  do  with  him  as  he 
pleases.  He  can  kill  him,  or  spare  him  alive, 
prosper  or  afflict  him,  as  seemeth  good  in  his 
sight.  He  knows,  too,  that  the  providences 
of  God  are  inscrutable.  Between  himself  and 
the  entire  future,  there  hangs  up  a  dark  and 
impenetrable  curtain,  so  that  he  cannot  tell 
what  a  day  or  an  hour  may  bring  forth.  He 
is  in  health  to-day;  but  he  may  be  sick  to- 
morrow. He  is  in  prosperity  to-day  ;  but  he 
may  be  in  deep  affliction  to-morrow.  He  is 
ahve  on  the  earth  to-day ;  but  to-morrow  he 
may  be  dead,  and  in  the  world  of  despair. 
He  is  completely  in  the  hands  of  God  ;  and,  in 
what  manner  God  is  intending  to  dispose  of 
him,  he  cannot  tell :  and  when  he  thinks  of 
this  subject,  as  think  he  must  at  times,  he  is 
disquieted.  He  feels  alarmed:  he  knowshe 
is  not  ready  to  meet  God  in  his  providences, 


166  CONVERSION. 

—  especially  those  distressing,  crushing  prov- 
idences, which  may  be  very  near  to  over- 
whelm him.  Now,  there  is  no  way  in  which 
this  source  of  unhappiness  can  ever  be  dried 
up  but  by  conversion.  When  the  sinner 
turns  from  his  sins,  and  enters  into  the  service 
of  Christ,  he  is  prepared  for  any  thing. 
Nothing  can  now  injure  him.  Come  prosper- 
ity or  adversity,  sickness  or  health,  life  or 
death,  he  is  prepared  to  meet  it.  He  is  in 
the  number  of  those  now  to  whom  all  things 
work  together  for  good. 

I  shall  mention  but  another  source  of 
unhappiness  to  the  sinner,  while  living  in  a 
course  of  sin ;  and  this  is  a  constant  feehng 
of  exposure  to  the  merited  wrath  and  indig- 
nation of  Heaven.  He  knows  that  that  God 
at  whose  mercy  he  lies,  and  on  whose  bounty 
he  lives,  is  angry  with  him.  He  knows  that 
he  must  be  angry  with  him.  He  sees  the  rod 
of  his  anger  extended  over  him,  ready  to 
inflict  the.  merited  vengeance ;  and  he  trem- 
bles at  his  dread  exposuiie.  He  feels  as  an 
ag:ed  sinner   once  told  me  that  he  had  felt 


CONVERSION,  167 

habitually,  for  forty  years,  — as  though  a 
drawn  dagger  was  all  the  while  pointed  at  his 
heart.  Now,  with  such  a  feeling,  it  matters 
little  what  our  worldly  circumstances  may  be. 
We  may  be  as  rich  as  Croesus,  and  may  have 
ever  so  much  of  the  honors  and  pleasures  of 
the.  world,  this  feeling  of  exposure  to  the 
merited  wrath  of  God  is  alone  sufficient  to 
spoil  it  all. 

Some  of  my  readers  will  recollect  a  story, 
which  was  in  our  school-books  when  we  were 
children,  of  the  t}T:ant  of  Sicily  and  his  flat- 
terer. The  flatterer  undertook  to  persuade 
Dionysius  that  he  was  the  happiest  man  in 
the  world.  "You  have  riches,  honors,  and 
pleasures  in  abundance,  every  thing  that  your 
heart  can  desire ;  and  you  are  the  happiest 
man  in  the  world." —  "  WeU,  flatterer,"  said 
Dionysius,  "  have  you  a  mind  to  try  it  ?  "  — 
"Why,  yes  1  I  should  like  to  try  it  very 
much."  So  the  kmg  ordered  a  splendid 
banquet  to  be  prepared  for  him.  The  tables 
were  loaded  with  all'the  dainties  of  the  East; 
the  flatterer  was  seated  down  to   them  in 


168  CONVERSION. 

great  state ;  and,  for  a  moment,  he  thought 
himself  happy.  But,  just  as  he  was  beginning 
to  taste  of  the  feast,  he  chanced  to  cast  his 
eye  upward,  when  he  saw  a  glittering  sword, 
suspended  by  a  single  hair,  hanging  directly 
over  his  head.  Immediately  the  cup  of  pleas- 
ure was  dashed  from  his  lips ;  his  fancied 
enjoyments  were  all  spoiled.  He  begged  the 
king  to  remove  him  in  a  moment  from  a 
situation  so  appalling  and  so  dreadful.  Now, 
this  fitly  illustrates  the  case  of  the  sinner, 
under  the  government  of  God.  Whatever 
his  worldy  circumstances  may  be,  there  hangs 
suspended  over  him,  by  a  single  hair,  the 
glittering  sword  of  divine  wrath.  It  may 
fall  at  any  time.  It  must  fall  in  a  very  httle 
time,  and  pierce  him  to  the  soul.  So  far  as 
his  eyes  are  open  to  see  any  thing  of  a  spirit- 
ual nature,  he  must  see  his  awful  danger: 
he  must  fear  and  tremble  in  view  of  it ;  and 
there  is  no  way  in  which  he  can  quiet  hi^ 
fears,  and  escape  from  this  state  of  awful  ex- 
posure, but  by  conversion.  Let  him  turn 
from  his  sins,  and  submit  to  God ;   and  the 


CONVERSION.  169 

flaming  sword  is  at  once  sheathed  :  it  is 
taken  ""out  of  the  way.  And,  so  far  from 
trembling  in  prospect  of  the  coming  wrath, 
he  rejoices  in  the  Saviour's  love. 

I  know  that  the  present  hfe  is  short,  and 
that  the  concerns  of  it  are  all  trifles  com- 
pared with  the  weightier  concerns  of  eternity  ; 
and  yet  it  is  of  some  importance  for  us  to  be 
happy  here,  —  to  be  happy,  not  in  the  feverish 
pleasures  of  sin,  but  on  solid,  enduring  prin- 
ciples. And  sure  I  am,  that  there  is  no  such 
happiness  for  any  creature  in  the  practice  of 
wickedness.  It  is  only  by  tui-ning  from  sin, 
or  by  conversion,  that  we  have  it  in  our  power 
to  secure  substantial  enjoyments  in  the  pres- 
ent world. 

3.  Conversion  is  important,  thirdly,  as  it  is 
the  only  way  in  which  to  secure  the  approba- 
tion and  favor  of  the  Supreme  Being ;  and 
this  is  a  consideration,  however  trifling  it 
may  appear  to  some,  of  very  great  moment. 
Suppose  that,  by  some  act  of  ours,  we  could 
secure  the  approbation  of  aU  the  inhabitants 
of  this  great  nation,  or  even  of  the  ivorld. 


170  CONVERSION. 

By  a  single  act,  we  could  draw  to  ourselves 
the  eyes  of  the  whole  world,  and  could  se- 
cure the  favor  of  all  its  inhabitants,  so  that 
our  names  should  dwell  on  every  heart,  and 
our  praises  be  sounded  by  every  tongue.  Or, 
to  extend  our  views  still  further,  suppose 
that,  by  this  one  act,  we  could  make  ourselves 
known,  and  most  favorably  known,  to  the 
entire  universe  of  created  beings,  —  we  could 
attract  the  notice  of  angels,  as  well  as  of 
men,  and  cause  all  creatures  to  cast  upon  us 
a  look  of  favor  and  a  smile  of  love,  —  should 
we  not  think  such  an  act  worth  performing  ? 
Would  not  the  motives^  the  inducements^  to  it 
be  exceedingly  powerful  ? 

Biit  what,  I  ask,  is  the  favor  of  the  united 
world,  or  of  the  created  universe,  compared 
with  the  favor  and  the  approbation  of  God  ? 
We  see,  at  once,  that  it  would  be  as  nothing. 
The  favor  of  the  world  would  be,  at  best,  but 
mere  breath,  —  changing,  fluctuating,  as  the 
wind  that  blows  ;  but  the  favor  of  God  is  as 
unchanging  as  his-  throne.  The  favor  of  the 
world  must  soon  pass  away,  and  be  forgotten  j 


CONVERSIOJ^.  171 

but  the  favor  of  God  will  endure  forever. 
The  immutable,  everlasting  favor  of  God, 
which  is  represented  in  the  Scriptures  as  life, 
and  as  even  better  than  life,  can  be  secured 
by  conversion^  and  in  no  other  way.  While 
we  persist  in  our  sins,  we  cannot  enjoy  it ; 
but,  when  we  penitently  turn  from  them,  it  is 
freely,  gratuitously  bestowed. 

4.  I  urge,  fourthly,  the  importance  of  con- 
version, from  the  consideration  that  it  saves 
from  eternal  death.  So  it  is  represented  in 
the  Scriptures,  "  Turn  ye  !  turn  ye  from  your 
evil  ways  !  for  why  will  ye  die  .^ "  The 
death  here  spoken  of  cannot  be  temporal 
dissolution.,  because  conversion  does  not  save 
from  that :  converted  persons  die  temporally^ 
as  well  as  others.  The  death  intended  is 
doubtless  eternal  death,  —  that  death  which 
is  set  forth  in  other  Scriptures  as  the  proper 
wages  and  desert  of  sin.  The  future  punish- 
ment of  the  wicked  is  set  before  us  in  the 
Bible  by  a  variety  of  terrific  and  awful 
figures ;  but  I  know  of  no  figurative  repre- 
sentation of  it  more  appalling  than  that  of 


172  CONVERSION. 

eter7ial  death.  Did  you  ever,  dear  reader, 
stand  by  the  bedside  of  a  dying  fellow- 
creature  ?  Did  you  witness,  hour  after  hour, 
his  dissolving  agonies?  Did  you  see  his 
glazed  eye,  and  the  cold  sweat  upon  his  face  ; 
his  anguished  struggles,  and  convulsive 
throes?  Did  you  hear  him  groan,  and  see 
him  die  ?  Now,  this  is  literal,  temporal 
death ;  and  these  mortal  agonies  the  inspired 
writers  have  laid  hold  of,  that,  under  the 
image  of  them,  as  enduring  forever,  they 
might  adequately  set  forth  the  future  punish- 
ment of  the  lost.  This  future  punishment  is 
eternal  death.  It  is  to  be  eternally  dying,  and 
never  to  die !  It  is  to  writhe  and  toss  and 
groan  and  agonize  forever  in  the  struggle 
with  death,  and  yet  death  never  come  to  the 
rescue,  never  come  to  end  the  conflict! 
This,  I  repeat,  is  eternal  death  ;  from  which 
conversion  will  save  the  sinner,  and  from 
which  nothing  else  can.  If  he  will  turn  from 
his  evil  ways,  he  need  not,  shall  not.,  die : 
but,  persisting  in  them,  there  is  no  help  for 
him;  there   is,  in  this  case,  no   deliverance 


CONVERSION.  173 

from   that    dreadful    destruction   wliicli   has 
been  described. 

5.  But  conversion  does  more  than  to  save 
from  death.  I  urge,  fifthly,  that  it  secures 
life.,  —  immortal  life  and  bliss  to  the  soul.  It 
introduces  those  who  experience  it  into  the 
family  of  God.  It  makes  them  heirs  of  all 
the  promises,  — "  heirs  of  God,  and  joint- 
heu^s  with  Christ,  to  an  inheritance  incorrupt- 
ible, undefiled,  and  that  fadeth  not  away." 
They  are  to  be  kept,  while  here  on  earth,  by 
the  power  of  God,,  through  faith,  unto  salva- 
tion. Their  path  is  to  be  that  of  the  just, 
which  shines  brighter  and  brighter  unto  the 
perfect  day.  When  they  go  down  into  the 
dark  valley,  they  shall  not  be  deserted :  they 
shall  be  sustained,  supported,  and  carried 
triumphantly  through ;  and,  when  they  ap- 
pear in  other  worlds,  they  shall  go  to  dwell 
with  Christ,  with  holy  angels,  and  with  all 
the  redeemed,  in  the  paradise  of  God  above. 
In  the  morning  of  the  resurrection,  their 
bodies  shall  be  raised  glorious  bodies,  and 
be  re-united  to  their  happy,  triumphing  souls. 


174  CONVERSION. 

Amid  all  the  terrors  of  the  judgment,  they 
shall  stand  undismayed.  In  the  issues  of  it, 
they  shall  be  acquitted  and  blessed,  and  be 
caught  away  from  the  judgment-bar  to  meet 
their  Lord  in  ihe  air,  and  so  shall  be  ever 
with  the  Lord.  They  are  to  have  their 
eternal  dwelling  amid  the  glories  of  the 
heavenly  state.  They  are  to  advance  in 
knowledge,  holiness,  and  bliss  ;  their  pow- 
ers ever  expanding,  and  ever  delightfully 
occupied ;  their  measure  ever  enlarging  and 
ever  full,  for  ever  and  ever. 

Such,  in  its  consequences  —  its  happy, 
glorious,  interminable  consequences  —  is  con- 
version. And  who  will  saj^,  that,  considered 
as  an  event.,  it  is  not  one  of  the  greatest  mag- 
nitude, and  of  amazing  interest.  No  wonder 
there  is  joy  in  heaven  over  one  sinner  that 
repenteth:  the  event  is  enough  to  fill  all 
heaven  with  joy.  And  who  will  say,  that, 
considered  as  a  duty.^  conversion  is  not  one  of 
the  most  urgent  character,  and  of  the  great- 
est possible  importance  ?  Other  duties  may 
be  neglected,  and  our  highest  interests  may 


CONVERSION.  175 

not  be  put  at  hazard ;  but  no  person  can 
neglect  or  delay  his  conversion  without  put- 
ting at  hazard  every  thing  which  ought  to 
be  dear  to  him, — his  present  peace,  and  his 
future  joys  ;  his  comforts  in  this  life,  and  his 
everlasting  consolations  beyond  the  grave. 


CONCLUSION. 

IN  view  of  the  statements  which  have  been 
made,  and  the  cases  described,  I  would 
invite  every  reader  to  unite  with  me  in  the 
inquiry :  Are  we  converted  persoiis  ?  We 
may  have  had  distressing  convictions  of  sin, 
and  not  be  converted.  We  may  have  had 
dreams  and  visions  and  impulses  and  ecsta- 
sies, and  not  be  converted.  We  may  have 
made  professions,  and  indulged  hopes,  and 
come  often  to  the  Lord's  table,  and  not  be 
converted.  But  do  we  love  and  delight  in 
the  holy  character  of  God  ?  Do  we  love  to 
think  of  God,  to  pray  to  God,  to  serve  and 
please  God  ?  Does  it  heartily  grieve  us  that 
we  have  ever  displeased  him ;  and  is  it  our 
desire  and  endeavor  that  we  do  so  no  more  ? 
Do  we  submit  ta  the  holy  government  of 
God,  and  rejoice  in  it,   deeming  it  a  •  great 

176 


CONVERSION.  Til 

privilege  to  live  under  his  government,  and 
to  be  in  his  hands  ?  Have  we  seen  ourselves 
to  be  not  only  guilty,  but  undone ;  and,  under 
this  impression,  have  we  come  to  Christ,  and 
embraced  him  as  our  portion  and  Saviour? 
And,  having  embraced  him,  do  we  desire  to  be 
hke  him,  and  to  follow  him?  Do  we  desire  to 
live  no  longer  unto  ourselves,  but  to  him  who 
died  for  us,  and  rose  again  ? 

Now,  these  are  decisive  questions.  If  we 
can  answer  them  to  our  consciences  in 
the  affirmative,  we  need  not  doubt :  we 
should  not  doubt.  We  are  unquestionably 
converted  persons;  and  we  have  only  to 
press  forward  in  the  happy  path  on  which  we 
have  entered,  in  order  to  come  to  the  heaven- 
ly mansions. 

But  if  we  cannot  answer  the  above  ques- 
tions in  the  affirmative,  and  have  no  such 
feelings  as  are  indicated  by  them,  then,  what- 
ever else  we  may  have,  we  are  not  converted 
persons.  We  have  no  religion.  We  neell 
not  hope. 

And  to  all  my  readers,  whether  young  or 

12 


178  CONVERSION. 

old,  who  find  themselves  in  this  miserable 
condition,  I  must  ask,  in  conclusion.  Will  you 
not  now  listen  to  the  pleading  voice  of  your 
heavenly  Father,  and  turn  from  your  evil 
ways  ?  You  have  heard  what  that  conversion 
is  which  we  urge  upon  you.  You  have  heard 
of  the  reasonableness,  the  propriety  of  it,  in 
every  form  which  it  assumes,  in  every  view 
which  can  be  taken  of  the  subject.  You 
have  heard  of  the  miseries  which  it  allevi- 
ates, the  sources  of  unhappiness  which  it 
dries  up,  the  divine  favor  which  it  secures, 
and  the  joys  and  privileges  which  it  confers,  in 
the  present  world.  You  have  heard  of  that 
dreadful  death  from  which  conversion,  and 
this  alone,  can  save  you ;  and  of  that  immor- 
tal, enduring,  and  most  glorious  life  to  which 
it  conducts  you.  And  now  the  question  is 
pressed  home  upon  you,  in  all  its  force.  What 
will  you  do  ?  Will  you  listen  ?  Will  you 
obey  ?  Will  you  repent,  and  be  converted  ?' 
You  may,  if  you  will.  You  must^  if  you  will. 
And,  if  you  will  not,  then  you  cannot.  What 
I  mean  to  say  is,  this  change  can  never  be 


CONVERSION.  179 

accomplished  in  you  but  with  the  hearty 
concurrence  and  co-operation  of  your  own 
wills. 

Nor  is  this  a  subject  on  which  you  can  long 
balance  yourselves,  so  as  not  to  decide  it 
either  way.  The  fact  is,  you  must  decide  it 
one  way  or  the  other,  and  you  will.  If  you 
do  not  repent  of  your  sins,  you  will  persist 
in  them.  If  you  do  not  come  to  Christ,  you 
will  reject  him.  If  you  do  not  turn,  you  wiU 
continue  as  you  are. 

Again,  then,  I  would  press  the  inquiry, 
with  all  the  tenderness  and  earnestness  of 
which  I  am  capable.  What  will  you  do  ?  Will 
you  yield  to  the  suggestions  of  Satan  and  of 
your  own  evil  hearts,  and  venture  on  in  sin, 
and  risk  the  consequences  ?  Or  will  you  not 
rather  listen  to  the  monitions  of  conscience, 
the  impulses '  of  the  Spirit,  and  the  voice  of 
God  crying  to  you  in  his  word,  "As  I  live, 
saith  the  Lord  God,  I  have  no  pleasure  in  the 
death  of  the  wicked,  but  that  the  wicked  turn 
from  his  way,  and  live.  Turn  ye  !  turn  ye 
from  your  evil  ways  I  for  why  will  ye  die  f  " 


^ 


